“Hmm, I am hungry myself. Work can take care of itself today. Today is about you. Ms.-You-Didn’t-Think-I’d-care about your new release. Look at me.”
Her eyes are wide in surprise and hope.
I trace a finger over her cheek down to her soft lips. “Everything that has to do with you matters to me. Not just because my cock is inside you right now. It’s because you matter to me. Do you understand?”
She blinks back the tears shining in her eyes and nods.
“Good. Now go start the shower. I will be in in a minute, as hot as you can stand is as hot as I want it.”
With a last kiss to my cheek
, she moves up and off me, running into the bathroom. I exhale in a shudder thinking of how close I came to saying it. No, it cannot be.
21
Alexa
I’m such a stupid girl. I blink back the tears that threaten to fall as I turn on the shower. Leo’s words are bouncing in my head like a ping-pong ball, this wasn’t just about fucking for him. It might have been when it started but not anymore. My entire body is trembling below the hot stream of water at what this means.
I’m not given long to think about it before Leo is under the water with me. His hands are gentle as they run over me taking a sponge and soaping it up with the yummy smelling bath gel. He takes his time and then he takes me up against the wall with the water running over us.
Out of the shower, we both tuck into the big fluffy robes. “Unless you want to get dressed and go downstairs to eat?”
I glow at his invitation. “I’d rather eat in the room. I like having you all to myself.”
“Hmm...I feel the same about you. What do you want?”
I’m so happy I feel like I’m going to burst with it. This afternoon isn’t a dream, it’s really happening. Leo is happy, smiling, and it’s beyond cruel he’s ten times sexier because of it. Those gorgeous eyes of his are finally free of anger and resentment. I can’t believe the way he looks at me, no shadows to hide behind, just raw desire for me. Everything feels different, his touch is softer even. “I’ll have the wood-fired oysters and the sole. I also want a big thing of Pellegrino.”
“Anything for dessert?”
I shrug my answer, I don’t know why I don’t want to order dessert in front of him. We’ve had lunch together for work several times, just last week there was another lunch with Drake Hawthorne, but now with only the two of us the intimacy that hasn’t been there before is. He places the order and orders two of the chocolate macaron. I look up at him as he ends the call.
“I get the bills for the room. I know what you order in the evenings when you have dinner. Why did you not want to order dessert?”
I’m about to shrug again. He moves fast across the room, his hand goes around my throat to hold me still. Why the fuck does this turn me on so much? His thumb slides down the side of my neck slowly, tracing the throbbing heartbeat below my skin. “Why?”
“I didn’t want to remind you about me not being, you know, the usual woman you’re with.”
He looks confused, and I squirm in embarrassment.
“I didn’t want you to see me as a fat fuck, eating in front of people reminds them that you’re fat.”
Oh shit, his hand tightens painfully as he pulls me up to him. Holy shit, he is angry. “If you ever say anything like that again, if you even fucking think anything like that again, you won’t be able to sit down for a week, and I can guarantee you there will be no pleasure in it for you. I promised I would never hurt you again, but I will make an allowance in this. Because you thinking and saying shit like that about yourself is a whole hell of a lot more hazardous to your psyche than any physical pain I would administer to your ass. Why the fuck do you think it’s okay to talk about yourself like that?”
I can barely swallow his hand is so tight, vaguely I wonder if he’ll leave a bruise. Leo sees it, and his eyes go wide as he realizes just how tight his hold is. He drops me instantly, and I fall. With a curse he catches me, thrusting me away from him onto the couch. His hand goes into his hair, and I see it’s trembling. “I swear to fucking god, Alexa, just when I think I have a handle on the way you push my buttons, you show me I could not be more wrong. You know what? I do not give a fuck the what, or why behind the ugly shit you think about yourself, all that matters is it stops, right fucking now.”
Okay, it was fucked up, I’m not saying it wasn’t, but he can’t control what I think. Before I can open my mouth, he’s shaking his head. Why does he have to be such an asshole? “Fuck you, Leo. You can’t control what I think. Are you the fucking thought police?” I know, I’m not proud of sounding like a teenager, but it feels he’s already taken me over so much, I’m not willing to give up my thoughts.
His hands come up to frame my face, grasping me tight as he pulls me to within an inch of him. I’m longing for his kiss, our breath tangles. “You belong to me. I protect what’s mine. I think you’re fucking perfect. You make my cock so hard it aches just thinking about you. Your body keeps me up at night with longing. It’s not just your body, it’s your stunning blue eyes and the way they sparkle when you’re happy and the way they glitter when I’m inside you. It’s your gorgeous fucking breasts I adore, it’s your insanely perfectly plump ass that short circuits my fucking brain. Then it’s the way you laugh, your smile, it’s all of you.
“All of you is beautiful and has nothing to do with those ugly fucking thoughts, with that disgusting word that only exists to hurt. No one gets to hurt you anymore, not me, not even you. Find a hole and bury that shit deep. I get that there is a lot of noise, talking heads and voices in this world talking about your body, the only voice that matters is the voice in your head. Change that voice, now, or I will, by any means necessary. Do you understand me?”
A shiver runs through me as I nod. Leo pulls me tight into his arms, I cling needing the feel of him against me. His heat seeps into me, warming me down to my bones. Air comes out of him in a shudder that shakes his body. He’s holding me so tight I can barely breathe, it still isn’t close enough.
Time stands still, I’m not sure if it’s ten minutes or twenty minutes later when there’s a knock at the door. I do know his hold tightens on me in the seconds before he lets me go. All I can do is watch the slow slide of his arms from around me. He presses a kiss to my temple as he presses me back down on the couch.
In a fog, I watch as a pretty young woman smiles and nods at me then begins setting the table with the covered dishes. She chatters to Leo, her cheeks pink. Jealousy pierces the fog causing me to sit up straighter, watching Leo and the woman. But the more I watch, the clearer Leo’s impatience is even though he smiles and nods at her, he’s looking at me. I can tell he’s confused when I smile, the woman is forgotten as I get up and walk to him. He holds out his hand, I take it. He draws me up against him, “What are you smiling about?”