Monday
Alexa
I don’t bother to look up from the report I’m proofreading when the elevator opens. The newspaper landing on the report sends my head up. Leo looks pissed, surprise. I really thought after almost three weeks of having sex on tap whenever he wanted he’d be less cranky. I’m beginning to think this is just Leo. I’m wondering if this means he’ll just want me to give him head and not fuck me. Now I’m cranky. I love sucking his cock. I have never once thought of denying him. I just hate when he leaves me feeling empty when he doesn’t fuck me. It’s really annoying because I know he’s only doing it to prove to himself he can wait to fuck me until the end of the day.
I’m wondering if the fact he’s been able to wait until after work all last week means he’s getting tired of me. It hadn’t really felt like it Friday though when he kept me up until almost four in the morning and fucked me five times until I was sore.
Well, I had been the one to crawl on him that last time, so that was totally on me. I don’t regret it though because Leo loved it. I’ve ridden him but only when I was sitting on his lap at work because he pulled me onto him. Even though I liked it, I was always worried about doing it right. Leo talked me through it, in a husky sex-soaked voice that sent shivers up my spine hearing it. Once I found my rhythm Leo’s hands roamed over my body, toying with my breasts, teasing them until he had me near tears. He loved watching me, the light on the bedside table was always on, the better for him to see me, he said.
“Alexa.”
I blink, oh shit. He knows, he always knows. The shake of his head is small but clear. Don’t even think about it. Well fuck him, I can think about it if I want to. He’s not the boss of me, then he leans over and my pussy floods at the promise his eyes. Oh yeah, right, he is the boss of me. “What?”
He points at the paper. “When were you going to tell me?”
I look down. It’s an article on my newest book, it releases next Tuesday. There is a small release party for it this Saturday at a local independent bookstore. “I didn’t think you’d care.”
“You thought wrong. You belong to me, everything that has to do with you, I care about. This is your fourth book, you have had excellent reviews on all of them up to this point. You even had an interview with the Guardian where they praised this latest release, and your launch is at a small bookstore with no doubt warm cheese and stale crackers. No, this is bullshit. I want the number for your publicist.”
“I don’t have anyone like that. My publisher put it together.” His look of astonishment has me cringing. I fumble with my phone to pull up the number for Cory, the vice-president of marketing who handles all the release parties, interviews, and promotions. I scribble the number and hand it over. “Cory is a woman, she handles all of the promotion for the publishing company.”
Leo snatches the slip of paper from me and he’s gone. I don’t even want to know what he’s going to do, but something tells me he’s about to take over completely. He’s finally mad for me, not at me. The glow of happiness welling up inside me that he cares enough has me vowing to give him the best blowjob ever.
20
Leo
No agent, no publicist what the hell kind of shit show was her publishing company? As I look at them deeper, my anger builds. They were too damn small to do right by Alexa. No, her books would not set the bestseller lists on fire, but they were good, damned good. Her books could and would make a steady slow climb up the list if they got the attention they deserved. The article from the Guardian was one the reporter sought out after reading her first two books, not something this Cory person got her.
I call my publicist and tell him that he is taking on a new client. I give him Alexa’s information. Miguel doesn’t question it. He has worked for me for almost seven years and knows me well.
“She’s releasing next week?”
“Yes, at a rather small looking bookstore. Make it better than whatever they have planned, which I do not believe will be hard. I have every confidence in your skill this release will be the last time those that matter do not know about her release until the last minute.”
“Thank you, Leo. She’ll end the week on the New York Times bestseller list, I guarantee it.”
“I never doubted it. Alexa is your client. However, her bills come to me.”
“I understand, Leo.”
“Good, I look forward to seeing you soon.”
“Yes, sir.”
It takes a little longer to find what I am looking for. I narrow it down to two then make a call. Hanging up, I smile with satisfaction. I have settled on my second choice. I have no doubt the woman will deliver, she did not make any promises. She laid out carefully her plans on what she could and would do for Alexa as her agent. Her quiet, thoughtful manner reminded me of Alexa, I think Alexa would feel more comfortable with her than the other woman. We end with her promising to make contact with Alexa directly to move forward.
Closing my eyes, I rest my head back and work to gain control over the anger still seething within me. For a moment, I allow myself to wallow in the anger, in allowing myself to feel fully again since the day I came close to ruining everything. In the last few weeks, I have leashed all emotions, refusing to so much as acknowledge even happiness. It has been hell. Yet, I believe it is what has kept me from fucking up again.
After hurting Alexa, I simply did not trust myself. Until I could figure out how to control what I was feeling without Alexa becoming collateral damage, I reverted back to the lessons of my youth. Agatha raised me that the best way to function was without emotion. Emotions were dangerous as far as Agatha was concerned and beating them from me was as much a way of helping me as a way of releasing her pain. With age and reason, I discounted her thoughts for the mentally ill beliefs they were. Yet that day, I allowed emotion to rule me, and the result was almost more than I could bear.
When I left Alexa, I did so in the belief I would never see her again. I had no right to ever inflict myself on her. Yet the thought sent deeper pain running through me than finding out about her lie. By the time the elevator reached the ground floor, I was desperately thinking of how to get back to her.
At the corner of her block, a man was handing out condoms and literature on Planned Parenthood. In one awful moment, it hit me, I had not used protection. Stunned, I stood in disbelief. It was more years than I could count since I forgot to wear a condom. The horror that should have been within me didn’t make an appearance, this was a way to get back to her.
I purchased the Plan B within minutes then stood outside Alexa’s building for close to an hour while I tried to figure out what to say or do when I went back upstairs. Her door was still unlocked. I followed the noise of her shower then stood listening to her sob. Every second was a slice into my skin, I deserved it, refused to walk away from the pain I caused. The psychotic cat was using my leg as a scratching post, he hated my guts, he was not alone. When
she saw me standing there, I did not know what I expected. It wasn’t the joy that flashed before pain. I swore I would do whatever it took to see that joy again.