I am pacing in front of the windows, sunlight pours through washing over me. There are no shadows to hide behind anymore. Alexa is aware I want her. What is worse, she was unaware of it until Natalie told her. Shame courses through me that Natalie knows of my desire for an employee. The shame does not stop me from being furious with Natalie for discussing it with Alexa.
My pride stings from Alexa’s accusation. Her bitterly true accusation. The prospect of wanting her while forced to see her every day without acting on my desire is no longer something I trust myself to do. What angers me most was the minute I fired her, I wanted to recall my words. For an agonizing moment, while I imagined her walking away, time stood still until she refused. If I really want her gone only a call, I am not willing to make will achieve it. With a sigh, I accept my fate. I’m not sure if the sigh is of relief or resignation.
***
Alexa
The thunder of Leo’s door slamming rocks me back into the moment. Oh my god, what did I just do? Did I really say that? Did Leo really fire me, and I tell him, no, I wasn’t leaving? Leo hadn’t denied any of it, not that he was trying to get me to quit, not that he wanted me. Holy fuck, Leandros Kaplan wants me. Wanted me enough to fire me because he was worried he couldn’t keep his hands off me.
Closing my eyes, I shudder all over again in horror. How come Leo didn’t argue with me? Is he calling security right now? My hand presses into my stomach trying to calm the riot of flips and twists. I think I’m going to be sick. Yes, oh god. I run to the bathroom.
My stomach is still twisting as I make my way back to my desk slowly. When I sit down there’s an instant message waiting for me. It’s from Leo, sent a few minutes ago. Two more people have been added to the conference, instead of seven reports, nine will be needed.
I almost collapse in relief. My head in my hand, I can’t believe he’s really going to just pretend like it didn’t happen. Security wasn’t on their way, he wasn’t going to get Natalie down to walk me out.
Fear is spreading throughout every inch of my body as I come to the realization of what I just got myself into. Leo really wants me, but I can’t have him, and I’m still supposed to work with him. How the hell am I supposed to do that?
***
Leo
My instant message flashes, Alexa is letting me know she is going to prepare the conference room. I look at the clock, it’s been several hours since my last message from her. I am pleased by the ease of tension within me. I have not worked without thinking about Alexa this long since she started. Perhaps it was simply a matter of coming to terms with my desire that alleviated it. It is as I once believed, this desire will dissipate on its own. I have no doubt it will not happen overnight. However, it will lessen until I will forget I ever felt it.
Then I walk into the conference room where Alexa is bent over the conference table. The urge to take her hard and rough from behind has me in pain. Sonofabitch.
It does not get any better when the room fills with people. A dozen times my eyes go to Alexa, wanting to see her reaction, indicating she needed to make a note, when she clears her throat, to see her try and discreetly put her bra strap back on her shoulder as it slides down her arm.
As the meeting draws to a close, I become conscious of the looks of surprise as eyes go from me to Alexa and back again. The question of how Natalie was able to detect my desire for Alexa is answered. I have played poker at some of the highest stakes tables in Monaco and walked away with millions yet having Alexa within touching distance has even Walter, the most obtuse man in the company, reading me.
Angry with Alexa, disgusted with myself, I end the meeting. “Any questions or issues give them to Alexa.”
Almost twenty minutes later Alexa knocks on my door. When she comes in, I am immediately angry with her all over again. Her eyes are ice, she is looking through me. As she hands me the notes from the meeting, her bra strap falls again.
“Your bra strap is showing, fix it.” Her face turns crimson, I twist the knife. “The problem is your bra does not fit. It’s the reason why despite it being tight around your chest the strap keeps falling. Once you are done with the notes on the meeting, I want you to go here.” I pull out a card from my personal trove. “I will call Gertrude and let her know to expect you. You look sloppy, I do not do sloppy and while you work for me, neither do you.”
Her jaw clenches. Reaching out, she takes the card as if she is handling the Ebola virus. “Yes, sir.”
***
Alexa
The card falls to the floor from my bloodless fingers. I want to tear it into tiny pieces as I lean down to pick it up. Almost as if taunting me, my stupid bra strap slides down again. Damn it. How did he know it was too tight around my chest?
The bathroom is huge, like something out of a luxury home and it’s my bathroom, or I should say it’s not the one he uses. Turning the lock, I take off my blouse, since the silk is thick enough I’m not wearing a camisole under it. The bra is one of the few that is comfortable yet supportive without the underwire that always feels like it digs into me.
Only he’s right, it’s not really comfortable because by the end of the day I feel like it’s cutting me in half. I take off the bra and tighten the strap as far as it will go. Heat thrums through me, Leo has been staring at me enough to know my bra doesn’t fit.
I remember his eyes on my breasts. In immediate response, my breasts swell, and my nipples tighten in anticipation. I’ve always been embarrassed by my large breasts. I cup them, they overflow my hands. Did he like my breasts, even though I thought they were too big? What would he think of them in the tired, tan bra on the vanity?
It’s embarrassing to admit I’ve never even tried to measure myself properly. I used the bras my older sister left behind for years. My dad had no idea about any of it, and I was too shy to ask him. My sister was thinner, and I gradually went up from the 30B bras she wore to my current 38C. I remember the first bras she had, how pretty and soft they felt against my skin. Unlike the tired lycra and polyester one I’m wearing and the half dozen at home that look just like it.
With fumbling fingers, I get my bra and blouse back on. I pick up the card from the vanity, I’m calling him on this, but for me.
***
Leo
Seeing an email from my head of emerging markets requesting to meet to go over a forecast she and her team compiled I buzz Alexa to take a look at my calendar for next week.