Latisha is frantic, between Noah, another guest, and the phone ringing, she’s overwhelmed. She gives me a look over and doesn’t say anything. In thanks, I take over Noah, knowing I owe her for dealing with him for so long.
The night is busy, between Noah, members of the wedding going in and coming out half-drunk and a family of six who wanted one room. Explaining that one room wasn’t possible as it exceeded the limits of city ordinance was hard enough over the screaming toddlers. I was accused of lying to get more money out of them. Latisha and I are both wrung out by the time the shift is drawing to a close.
Latisha is back down after delivering more vodka to Noah. I’m hanging up the phone from an inquiry on availability and it’s quiet for two minutes. She looks at me searchingly, “What are you going to do?”
“He isn’t an option. I need this job.” I don’t attempt to evade her. I’m scared she’ll tell Charlie. For three long years we’ve worked the overnight shift together. I think of her as not just a coworker but a friend. It was Latisha who had taught me to change to meet the person in front of us. She spoke loosely and dropped her g’s when she was comfortable with someone. Never when she spoke to her mother though. Her mother had been a school teacher and principal. She could have the diction of an east coast society matron, she chose not to. Latisha was working toward her degree and only had a semester to go. I was impressed, considering she had a four year old son, Denzel, whom she loved but didn’t see nearly enough. She was one of the hardest working people in the whole hotel. I was more upset than she was that she was still a front desk clerk, not the assistant manager she deserved to be, and I was. She had been at the front desk longer and I often felt guilty about it, having worked up from housekeeping had been hard, but only took three years. Latisha brushed it off with the words that that was life. Once she had her degree she could go farther. I know she will, she has the tenacity for it.
She sees the fear in my eyes and she shakes her head, “Girl, I got a big mouth but I ain’t saying shit. That man has looked at you for the last two years like you a juicy steak and he’s starving. If all he’s offering is a hit-it-and-quit-it, then no. Even as fine as he is he ain’t worth it.”
I nod with relief, not telling her the truth. It was too big, too messy, too scary to talk about.
Chapter Three
I’m numb as I make my way home, which is good. Numb is better than the sobbing wreck I was yesterday morning. Numb means no tears to hide from Justin. Resting my head against the window, I think about what he had said about Justin. Drake would make sure Justin knew he was an important part of Drake’s life. No man who had ever tried to get close to me had ever said anything close to that. To know Justin would need to know that.
The few men I had tried dating had resented Justin and the fact he would always be my first priority. How could he be so cruel and yet so kind? To say no to children, making me pick between some nebulous dream or the living breathing man in front of me. While knowing that the child already here would need to know he mattered to not just me but to Drake. My mind is twisting and I’m confused, so damned confused. I push thoughts of Drake to the side as I get Justin up and going for school.
This morning is easier, he’s excited about a field trip into the city to the Field museum. I make sure he has money to spend with his friends. I check my bank balance and my savings account. Both are currently in good condition but if Drake kept coming and I’m without a job, how long would it take to find a new one and how long could I make it last? Maybe this is the opportunity to move to Boston and settle for Justin’s future at MIT?
My thoughts are chaotic as I shower and get ready for bed. I throw on a long tee shirt and panties. Trying to settle, my body isn’t having it. The covers feel stifling on my heated skin as my mind refuses to stop thinking of Drake and the minutes on his bed. When the doorbell rings I’m so startled, I wonder for a moment if it’s real. Then it goes again, flinging off the covers, I grab the robe Justin got me for Christmas years ago. It’s become worn and comfortable. Stupidly, I’m so unsettled by the continued ringing, my mind immediately goes to Justin and his field trip into the city. I get scared that he’s hurt, and fling open the door without checking who it is.
Drake has his hand up and is pushing back the door, even as I realize my stupidity and try and close it. It’s futile, I fall back away from him and the door. He closes and locks it, and my stomach flips at his look of intent. Wearing jeans and a plain black tee shirt, he’s so gorgeous tears sting the back of my eyes for what I want and can’t have.
“Why can’t you leave me alone?” I flinch at the sound of my strained voice.
Drake goes still and his blue eyes darken, “If I really believed that was what you wanted then I wouldn’t be here right now.”
I open my mouth only the words to deny what he said won’t come out.
“No more lies to tell me, Ria? No denying you want and ache for me as badly as I do for you. No denying that if Latisha hadn’t disturbed us last night, I might still be buried inside you right now.
There’s no husband to throw up so you wouldn’t have to be the one to fight the need. You made it so I would have to be the one to walk away. A husband you threw up at me every time your eyes lingered longer than you knew they should. Like the last time when I stayed and we played phone tag. I pushed you, made you laugh one too many times. So you mentioned the nonexistent husband again to remind me to back off. You threw a verbal punch and it connected, sweetheart.
When I left the hotel I promised myself I’d never come back. I couldn’t have you and that was the end of it. I’ve driven home half-asleep, spent nights on the cold floor rather than see you again. It was stupid, but I didn’t feel like I could go to another hotel. Just like with the other women. I didn’t want anything that wasn’t you, and I was worried you would find out.
The other night, I only checked in because I felt half-dead and I knew driving home was dangerous. Even though it was just as dangerous to my equilibrium, I knew I had to see you again; four months had been too long. One last time, I’d let my hand graze yours when I took the key card. Maybe this time, because I was so tired, my dick wouldn’t get hard from that little touch. Maybe I wouldn’t want to bend you over the desk you hide behind, and I could move on.
Then Latisha said something that, even though she was yelling it, I couldn’t believe was true. My mind raced to divorce, then I saw the ring still on your hand. I feared it was a divorce you didn’t want. Then she told me the truth, and I saw it on your guilty face. I really did want to pull you across the desk by your sweet little neck and squeeze, for the hell you’ve put us through.” He’s walking toward me and I’m up against the wall at the fury in his eyes. “The entire way up in the elevator I wanted to push you up against the wall and take you hard and fast but it wasn’t going to be enough, not by a long shot. I want to be inside you for hours, for days, not the seconds we would have in the elevator.”
At his words, I’m wet and aching so badly it scares me enough to lash out. “So you offer something only because you thought someone had gotten there first and you want to stake your claim.”
“Damned straight,” His response is fast and without remorse. “I don’t want anyone getting any thoughts around you. In my world, it’s either a girlfriend or a wife, one’s claim is respected and the other isn’t. When others see you, I want them to know you belong to me, you’re mine.”
“Until I want a baby, then I can walk out the door with a cash settlement, and what, a pat on the ass for old time’s sake?”
Drake swings away as if he’s afraid to touch me. “Fuck, Ria, why the hell do you have to say shit like that?” He exhales a shaky breath and turns back to me as he runs a hand through his hair. “Are you not fucking listening to me? Do you really think it’s going to be easy for me to let you go when the time comes? Hell no, but I can’t take the chance. Kids, they need more time and attention than I can give. I won’t let them become pawns when the marriage breaks down. Sherry actually got pregnant and tried pass it off as mine during the divorce so she could get more money. Waiting for the DNA to come back was a week of torment I never want to go through again.”
Shock at his words has me frozen. He doesn’t think it’s going to be easy to let me go and he gets that kids need more than just money from a father. Only because of his bitch of a first wife, I’m being denied a future with him. For two seconds, I wonder if having kids is worth it, especially after the screaming toddlers of last night. Who was to say I could even have kids? Still, there’s a part of me angry he’s willing to marry me while denying me a say in it. A marriage was about the wants and needs of both people, not just keeping me out of the beds of other men. I look up to tell him that, he’s already in front of me. Drake knows I’m going to argue with him and his mouth comes down on mine to stop it.
Just like last night, he’s not gentle any more. He’s demanding, taking what he wants. Just like last night, I melt into him. I want him so badly I’m trembling with need. My arms go up around him to pull him tighter against me. A slight movement and his arms go around my middle and he’s carrying me to my bedroom. This time, he lays me on my bed gently. Following me down fast, Drake is nearly crushing me into the bed with his hard body. I cry out, not from pain, from a need for more. For everything I’ve wanted from him since the first time I looked up and saw him across the desk.
“I know, sweetheart, I ache too. I’m going to make it better, I promise.” His mouth is on my ear, I’m shaking from the heat of his mouth and body on mine. I’m pushing up his shirt frantically and his hands are at the knot of my robe. He opens it and I know the shirt has ridden up to my middle. My plain white cotton panties are on display and through the thin tee shirt it’s visible I’m not wearing a bra. Air comes out of him in a rush and his hands are shaking as he trails his fingers down my stomach. Seeing his reaction to me, has my chest twisting painfully. This need, this overwhelming, body clenching need wasn’t one-sided. Knowing that calms my fears of what will come next. For a moment I wonder if I should warn him but I’m not ashamed to admit I’m scared he’ll stop, and I think I’ll die if he does.
Feeling his fingers edge around the band of my panties I can’t stop my hips pushing up against them, inviting, needing more. Shaking his head, he chuckles, “Not yet, I couldn’t sleep last night, every time I closed my eyes I saw your beautiful breasts. I would remember how they felt and I’d get hard all over again for you. I need to see them again.”
With a quick movement, my shirt is gone and he’s gazing down at me with what can only be described as reverence. My breasts are heavy from need and my nipples are so tight they hurt. I’m about to beg him until his mouth comes down on me. He’s gentler now than last night but he’s hungry and his control is barely there. His tongue strokes become more demanding, his mouth greedy as he sucks to the edge of pain. I’m crying his name, begging for more and fingers become rougher as he toys with my other breast. When his mouth leaves my body I’m unable to move. Then his mouth is back on mine and his kiss is so consuming, I can only cling to him. As his tongue begins to mimic his need and mine, my body gushes hot liquid to prepare for him inside me. I shudder, shaken by something that has never happened before.
Clenching my thighs tight, my hips come up to meet his. The feeling of his thick swollen length burns into me and I moan his name.