No, I’m not going back in the past. Nor my mind when it comes to a woman. Not now, not in another twenty years from now.
3
Alicia
Entering the huge gleaming building, my breath catches at the hive of bees that just got knocked over in my tummy at the idea of seeing Cesare again. Damn it. I thought I had this crazy attraction under control. Twice I’ve gone a whole day without thinking of Cesare. This was a silly crush, it would go away soon.
This was probably simply because Cesare was one of the few men who didn’t shrivel in horror from being around my fat ass. Most men I encountered either acted as if they found my weight and me offensive or they looked through me as if I wasn’t even there. It’s stupid to go gaga over a guy just because he not only managed to look me in the eye, he smiled at me.
Men aren’t something I have much experience with. I’ve been overweight since I was eleven. After finally having a home where there was always food in the cupboards, I got a little carried away. As I got older, the pounds got worse. At only twenty I had a fall that really messed up my knee and made exercise and even walking the city painful. Time and time again, the few times a man caught my attention they made it clear I was too fat to be attractive to them.
In the beginning it hurt, more than I would ever admit to anyone. But gradually I saw it as a good thing. After growing up watching my mother twist herself to get and keep man after man, to the point of abandoning her kids to make a man happy, I decided I would never become her. All my energy went to Bethany and work, the energy that wasn’t left over I didn’t want to waste on anyone but me. I’m more than content with the way my life is. As the years have gone by and I’ve watched women around me struggle within relationships, dealing with men who cheated, men who didn’t help with their kids or bills, I’ve considered myself lucky.
I have two vibrators I make use of about once or twice a month that I’m satisfied with. At least my way I always came, which I have found out not all men make sure happens for their women and I think is really sad. I’m also more than content to live vicariously through the books I read, mysteries, thrillers, even an occasional romance, but they never changed my mind because I knew they fantasy. My life might seem empty from the outside but it’s the way I like it, really.
I don’t want to be attracted to Cesare Sabatini. He’d laugh, then go back to the models he’s usually with if he knew my crazy thoughts. Even if by some insane, one in a million chance he was interested—as the little voice deep down whispered when his eyes roamed over me, and he seemed to like what he saw—he’s still so out of my league I’d be chewed up and spit out without a thought. I wouldn’t know how to handle the fallout of it ending so it’s better if I just don’t go there at all.
I spend the morning filling out paperwork until my hand cramps up. Then I’m taken on a dizzying tour of the four floors that house Sabatini Properties. The floor I’m on holds the human resources department as well as a large legal department. On the next floor is a busy marketing department—unlike most real estate agents who have to do their own marketing, Dante and Cesare feel having a marketing department frees agents to do what they are supposed to do, which is sell. The space is also shared with interior designers, three women and two assistants who go into a property that’s empty and stage it or bring a property that isn’t quite up to par to the Sabatini standard. The third floor is devoted to the management of the commercial properties. There’s also a small IT department tucked into a corner. As we go up in the elevator, I’m informed the top floor is for all the agents, residential and commercial, so they can be close to Cesare and Dante.
Jeanine is waiting when the elevator opens. “We’re going out to lunch, then we’re working it off by shopping. We have to get you up to Sabatini standards. I think you look great, by the way.” Jeanine holds up a gleaming black card. “On the company card. You’ll get yours by the end of the week.” She hits the button to go back down. “You’ll use the card for your clothing allowance and for things like ordering gifts for our clients, which is something you will do a lot. Those gifts and when to send them have a spreadsheet all their own.”
A black Town Car slides in front of us as we step out onto the street. Jeanine opens the door then motions for me to get in. I’m quick to move over for her to get in beside me. “Nice, right? Dante and Cesare are adamant about us using a car to get around. You also get a car at the end of the day to get home. For them, safety is a huge thing. When we go Christmas shopping, Hannah and I get a scary-looking guy to follow us around.
“So what sounds good? Porter’s is a great steak place, or I’m good for Goldfinches, which has a bit of a wider menu. They have really great yummy hot sandwiches.”
I shrug. “I’m not picky, whatever you want is fine with me.”
“Henry, Goldfinches it is, please. This is Alicia—she’ll be taking over my position when I leave at the end of the week.”
The older African
-American man nods at me with a smile. “Nice to meet you.”
“Hi, nice to meet you too.” Jeanine’s running commentary on how her day has been going lasts into the restaurant, all the way up until we’re seated with our menus.
The moment the waitress walks away, Jeanine drops her menu. “I heard you took one look at Cesare and went gaga over him.” I’m stunned she knows. Her laughter is light, not mean. “It’s no big deal, it happens all the time to everyone from new employees to clients to the delivery girls and boys. Hell, it happened to me the first time I met him.” My eyes go big, and she laughs again as she nods. “Hello, the guy is stunning in every sense of the word. Sure there are gorgeous men in calendars, movies, and billboards, but to see one in living flesh—it takes your breath clean away. Then he opens his mouth, and you get that he’s very real, kind of an asshole, with all the faults and foibles of any man, but he smells much better.”
Air comes out of me in a whoosh of relief. “Right? It’s normal. It will pass. I was just surprised to see him when the elevator doors opened. Once I get to know him, it will be no big deal.”
The waitress is back, and we quickly give our order. Jeanine sips on her soda. “I know I’m not supposed to drink this stuff, but this kid demands the sweetness. Anyway, you’re right, no biggie especially once you start working with him and Dante. Sure, Cesare is mainly Hannah’s problem, but you’ll still be on the hook for dinners out with Cesare. You know that little speech about Dante being an asshole and using money to smooth over any issues? It was Cesare’s speech when it came to dealing with Dante’s assistants before I lasted longer than six months. Dante stole it.
“Don’t worry, Dante has already shut down Debbie from flapping her gums about you going gaga over Cesare.”
“Is she how you found out?” I cringe in embarrassment.
“No, Dante asked me about you. He wanted to know you’re not going to cause any problems and are professional. It’s no big deal, don’t look so stressed. Seriously, like I said, this happens to a lot of women and several men who have worked in the office.”
“Dante isn’t annoyed with me?” Is it too late to get my old job back?
Jeanine giggles. “Nope, he does feel like chopped liver, though. I assured him he’s just as hot as Cesare, it’s just Cesare has something different, maybe because he’s so big and powerful looking. Dante mumbled something about women and their intelligence before asking for another espresso.” Jeanine rolls her eyes. “Although for a minute there it was almost like Dante wanted to know more about you, as if he was happy about your interest in Cesare. Which I’m sure was my own wishful thinking because as far as staff goes, for Dante and Cesare, we’re off the menu entirely. They have no problem if there is mingling between us, but for them, it’s a strict no pen in the company ink kind of thing.”
“I don’t want Cesare’s pen in my ink.” Okay, that came out much louder than I intended. And it sounds totally weird hearing it out loud. Crap, Jeanine goes still as her eyes run over me.
Slowly, she shakes her head. “Don’t do it. Cesare isn’t as much of an asshole as I joked. At the same time, when it comes to him and women, he can’t change the stripes of a tiger. He’s not in it for anything other than sex, and once he’s had what he wants he walks away without looking back. I can’t even hate the guy for it. You know about his parents, right? Dante says Cesare refuses to even consider a long-term relationship, let alone marriage, to avoid having the past repeat itself. It’s sad because the thought is insane.
“Cesare genuinely cares about people. When it comes to the company, his decrees are downright eons ahead of other companies for taking care of his employees. Like my maternity leave, no other company out there has one like it.
“Most everyone can set their schedule the way that meets their needs. The pay is the best in the city and most of women make more than the men who work here. The agents don’t work on commission, they are guaranteed a base rate of pay of fifty thousand so they get the benefits along with paid time off. While that means they don’t make as much in commission, because we get a cut there are agents who apply for years to work here.