Ethan begins moving, erasing all thought, leaving only feeling. Thick, hot, and throbbing with his heartbeat, he plunges deeper into me and every stroke sends me into the stars higher and higher... where I explode beyond them into a complete absence of light. The molten essence of Ethan filling me sends white heat along my spine, pushing me into complete oblivion.
* * *
When the alarm goes off in the morning, Ethan rolls over to stop the beeping then takes me back into his arms. We both fall asleep again, unable, and unwilling to move. Ethan’s alarm wakes us again, he carries us to the shower where he washes me with care and numerous kisses. Picking me up, he takes me slowly, sleepily, against the wall. Holding me long after we both catch our breath, giving me time to hold myself up. As he usually does, he dries me with strong gentle strokes.
One last kiss, and he’s gone to get dressed. I wrap the towel around me and make my way to my own closet. Still in a warm sleepy haze, I slide on a pair of lacy panties then find a long loose sundress, not in the mood for a bra. I walk down the hall to find Ethan in his office. Hearing me he looks up, his smile is wide, open, and happy.
“Come here, sweetheart.”
I go happily. He pulls me onto his lap. When he does, I see the time and I’m shocked to see it’s almost nine o’clock. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I nuzzle into him. “I’m sorry you’re late.”
“No, you aren’t.” He chuckles softly.
“No, I’m not.” I agree.
His arms tighten around me, and he sighs. “I hate to, but I have to go in. My client from last night has gotten himself into a tight corner he needs me to get him out of.”
“Hmm... have you ever taken more than just Sunday off?”
“The year after I made partner I took an entire week off. Went to Monaco, got sun burned, and haven’t done it again since. You miss me, sweetheart?”
I nod. “I never thought I’d say it.”
“Noted. Kiss me goodbye.” His mouth takes mine in a drugging, thorough kiss. Standing he sets me down on his desk. “I’ll call you this afternoon. I might need to work late. I’m not sure, yet.”
Swallowing my disappointment, I only kiss his cheek in response. Not trusting myself to open my mouth. He walks away and I hear the front door close behind him.
Well, fuck, how long was I going to make it before I slipped up and told him I loved him?
* * *
Ethan calls late in the afternoon to let me know he’s going to be late and not to wait dinner for him. I sleep walk through the day, my mind twisting over yesterday, wondering what it all meant. It meant something, didn’t it? In the moment, it felt like it meant everything, but with so little spoken... now I’m doubting it all.
The knock at the door pulls me from my misery. Checking, I see Amelia and cringe. I had texted I was too behind to have lunch today. “Hi, sorry about this afternoon. We had a late start today and my entire day was off schedule.”
“I heard. The whole office was talking about it. Between Ethan leaving early yesterday and coming in late today, the associates are all aflutter wondering if he’s thinking of leaving or if he’s having a mid-life crisis. The money is on him leaving, no one believes Ethan would do anything as mundane as have a mid-life crisis. My lips are sealed. What’s the matter? Instead of looking like the cat that got the canary, you look awful.”
I manage a chuckle as I plop on the sofa, leave it to Amelia. “I don’t know... now that I’m trying to think of how to say it out loud, I realize my expectations are way too high for Ethan. It’s just that yesterday, we, I don’t know. He talked about Brittany and what happened. It felt like we were closer. I was sure by the end of the night or even this morning he would say it. Except he didn’t, though there’s a definite shift with us. I’m sure of that.”
“Oh, Holly. Yes, your expectations are too high. Ethan is in love with you, but him realizing it then actually admitting it aren’t going to come quick and easy.” My eyes go big and she snorts. “Come on! Why do you think I got all freaked out? Ethan Bishop committing to a relationship with one woman? I knew the minute he said yes it was all over. He cared enough about you to try and keep away from you, because getting involved with him was bad for you and he knew it. For him to give in, no way was it going to be a one-time thing, no matter what he thought or said.”
“Really?” Even though I don’t doubt her, I doubt myself.
Rolling her eyes, “Really. You have to be patient. He won’t let you get away, there’s just some coming to peace with something I’m sure he thought wouldn’t happen. This is Ethan, his life not happening exactly the way he expected isn’t something he’s going to accept without a little caution.”
“Thank you, I’m sorry I didn’t go to lunch. I really was behind because of this whole Ethan thing, and I didn’t want to go out and try to pretend like nothing was wrong.”
“No biggie. I was at loose ends as I wrapped up work early today. I’ll leave tomorrow after I have lunch with Ethan. A whole three days with the folks, you are lucky Ethan doesn’t want to have anything to do with them.”
Since she was the one to bring it up. “Is that best for him? And if it is, why isn’t it good for you? Ethan mentioned they twist you up into neurotic knots.”
“For Ethan, it’s the absolute best thing. If he dealt with my parents, there would forever be tension and an eternal horn-locking with my father and Ethan. Everyone would be miserable. Ethan and I are two completely different people and our parents raised us differently. They didn’t even know Ethan’s birthday for years. Nannies and boarding school raised him. By the time they figured out just how badly they screwed up, it was too late.
With me, things were completely different. My mom thought they were having a second honeymoon period. Actually, it was some weird guilt thing my dad was going through. He had a new sixteen-year old side piece he was considering throwing everything away for. My mom found out when I was three years old. The girl was old enough and he wanted a divorce. Out of sheer bitchiness, my mom refused then threatened him with telling his commanding officer. She had gone nuts and ripped up the house, and found him with pictures of the girl when the girl was still a minor.
“I don’t remember any of it, but apparently it was hell for both of them. Then the girl got pissed that it was going on five years without my dad following through on his promises, and went to his commanding officer and told him everything. Maybe it was from habit, but my mom did the stick-by-her-man-thing—calling the girl a liar, that she was attention seeking and after money. There were more questions than answers. However, everyone was willing to look the other way. While my parents were trying to look the part, Ethan got kicked out then it turned into the real thing. When Ethan left and refused to have anything to do with them, they focused on me.
“While I still had a nanny, I also got hugs and trips to the zoo, and tea parties with my dad. Still, that didn’t mean they changed a hundred percent. They have high expectations and Ethan exceeded those in every way. Even though he wasn’t there, they never stop talking about him. I’m it, after all these years I’m all they have left. Would I like to walk away from them? Sometimes, only I can’t. They weren’t the best parents, but at least they tried with me. I feel like I owe them to at least try with them.”