“It’s too bad. I think she could have made you happier.” She looks sad as she gets up and leaves without looking back. The door closes behind her so quietly, only the snick of her key in the metal can be heard.
Now that Amelia is gone, I finally look at Holly without worrying the desire I feel for her is clear on my face. Fuck, is all I think. Her sleep is deep, breathing even, as her breasts rise and fall making my whole body tight with longing to see her body uncovered. My cock is becoming painful, shaking my head I work to get myself under control.
It isn’t easy, especially as I can’t take my eyes off her. How the hell am I going to handle her, I wonder. I could simply shake her awake or I could pick her up and carry her to bed. Who the hell am I kidding? After weeks of longing, I wasn’t strong enough to deny the pleasure of holding her in my arms. Slowly, gently, I pick her up. She feels small in my arms, as with a sigh, she burrows her face into my neck. Fuck me, the feel of her is burning into me. It’s a sweet torture I don’t want to end, as I slowly make my way down the hall into her room.
Unable to prolong any more, I lay her down gently on the bed. I tell myself to walk out, I can’t. Leaning down, I take off her shoes and socks. She’s so small, I marvel at the way my hand wraps around her ankle. Even as I tell myself don’t, I’m unzipping her jeans. Rationalizing she would be more comfortable without them on. They come off easily. Holy shit, she’s wearing a silky black thong. I hadn’t turned on the light in her room. The only light is from the hallway, through the half-closed door. The desire to touch her makes my whole body clench in need. All I allow myself is for my eyes to travel over her, committing every inch of skin to memory. Uncurling my fists, I lean down to cover her with the sheet and comforter.
In the split second I’m only a few inches away from her, her eyes open in a daze. “Ethan.” She whispers then guts me as she reaches out to caress my cheek. I can’t deny the longing in her eyes. My mouth brushes hers, even though it’s a slight touch, it sets my entire body on fire for her. Her mouth opens wider in a moan. I accept her invitation, needing to taste her.
All my usual finesse is gone, hunger takes over as the sweetness of her mouth explodes on my tongue. Fuck! No way does she taste better than I’ve dreamed of, only she does and I can’t get enough. Holly’s arms go around my neck, pulling me against soft lush breasts, with her nipples imprinting on my chest. A leg comes over mine and holy shit, her hips rock against me, once then twice. Cock close to bursting I grind into the cradle of her. Her body shakes, I swallow her cry as I deepen the kiss. None of it is enough. Condom, I need a condom.
The thought causes me to freeze. No, this can’t happen. I tear my mouth from Holly even as my body is screaming for more. Sonofabitch, my body is trembling, I’m so weak I can only roll away from her. On my back, I’m gasping for air. Fighting for control is excruciating. “I’m sorry. That shouldn’t have happened.”
I finally manage to move, pushing off the bed. I’m walking almost drunkenly away, my legs still weak, my mind screaming to stay.
“Ethan?” It’s a whisper filled with a sad question I can’t answer. I can only keep walking.
Shutting the door to my room, I lean against the door for a long time as I fight the longing to go back to Holly. Fuck me, to have finally come close to the dream I’ve been having, and to know it was better than I ever imagined is hell.
Chapter Fifteen
I’m dreaming, I tell myself, like I have so many nights before. Only, as I roll to my side squeezing my legs closed, the imprint of Ethan’s throbbing, impressive denim covered cock pressing into me causes a painful throbbing, and the triangle of my silk thong is unbearably wet. My whole body is aching from the unfulfilled need for the orgasm I was shockingly close to simply from his mouth on mine as he ground into me. Without thought, I cup my breasts, trying to assuage painfully tight nipples. Only one thought is clear, Ethan wants me.
The manwhore his sister swore never wanted anyone above a size four has just ravaged my mouth with a hunger that would have been scary if it hadn’t matched my own. Closing my eyes, I can still taste him, overwhelming my senses. The feel of his hard muscled body pressing into mine has me rolling over pressing myself against the soft silky comforter as heat rushes through me all over again. Ethan very clearly wanted me, yet, as I offered myself to him he pulled away, saying he was sorry. Was he sorry because he thought I wasn’t truly aware of who I was more than saying yes to? I knew exactly who was kissing me, who I wanted.
After believing for so long that Ethan could never want me, fighting my desire for him every day, dreaming of him every night, this moment should be full of joy. Only Ethan isn’t here with me now. I’m hollow inside. How could he walk away? Was he afraid I would get clingy? Did he think I wanted more than he was willing to give?
I want him badly. I’m willing to take him on any terms, without shame or a trace of dignity. If it was simply once or tw
ice, even a few days, I’ll take them without complaint. I can admit I lost all sense of pride for wanting him after only two weeks of working for him. I have no idea exactly why, or the exact moment it happened. I just know it has. Maybe it was the moment we stood in the glass box at the observation deck, with his arm around me showing me why he was the way he was. Or, maybe it was the moment he told me I was coming home with him, refusing to let me stay in an environment I found unbearable.
There isn’t a part of me that thinks underneath the surface there is a sweet, gentle guy ready to be unearthed for boyfriend material. While he can be sweet, and show genuine caring affection for Amelia, I know it’s because she’s his sister. Somewhere in the past maybe, because of another woman, his father, or simply the world, he’d turned into someone unwilling to form ties.
Bobby Dillard taught me a man could give incredible pleasure to a woman without caring about her at all. It had been three years since I’ve met a man I thought I could deal with having sex only. For Ethan, I’m more than willing.
Tomorrow I would find out exactly why Ethan was sorry. Then I’d make sure he knew I wasn’t.
****
My alarm goes off, after so little sleep last night it’s painful to open my eyes. Stumbling into the bathroom, I wake up a little in the shower. When I button my jeans, I’m wondering if they’re looser than when I tried them on. It has been two weeks of almost daily workouts, just walking and now five pound weights. I’m up to a half hour which Roseanne said was best to maintain now I’m up to six on the incline. In a good mood from that, I go out to begin making his morning snack. Last night I had made the decision to act as if nothing was different, until he was sitting down for breakfast. If I did it before, he’d probably run from the condo without coming back until one in the morning.
His plan is apparently also to pretend as if last night didn’t happen. He barely looks at me, let alone speaks to me. It doesn’t bode well for getting him to talk to me at breakfast, but I can’t back down. I sure as hell can’t let it go.
When he comes back from working out I’m almost done with his breakfast. I take it into the dining room before he’s out of his room. I’m in the kitchen cleaning up as he sits down. Taking a fortifying drink of my own coffee, with a deep breath, I go into the dining room. I rest my hands on the other end of the long table, he doesn’t look up. “What were you sorry about?”
He sighs. “Holly, don’t do this. Last night shouldn’t have happened. Let it go so we can continue as things are, in relative peace.”
I don’t know why, but I’m most pissed by the way he doesn’t take his eyes off the paper in his hand as he answers me. “Answer me this, would you have kissed anyone that way, been that turned on by any woman, or was it because it was me?”
No answer, his eyes don’t move from the paper.
Asshole. “I knew exactly who was kissing me, and I wanted it last night. I still want you today. I’m willing to take you on your terms. There won’t be any fantasies of hand holding and cuddling at bedtime. When it’s over, I’ll go back to my bed. When you want the whole thing to be over, then I’ll accept it without begging for more time, or bothering you. We can go back to normal—as if nothing happened. All I want from you is sex. Don’t worry, I’m not a virgin. That’s how I know all I want is sex. This wouldn’t even be my first no-strings relationship.”
Still nothing, although I notice his jaw has hardened and the hand holding his paper has turned into a fist.
“Say something, damn it!”
Putting down the paper, he gets up. Without looking at me, he says only. “It can’t happen.” Then walks out the front door.