Getting dressed the next afternoon, she dressed in jeans but picked out her nicest top. The drive out to the house was long but quiet and once she got there she was surprised by how much fun she did have. Bitsy, as she demanded to be called, had some interesting friends and her beautiful home was open and entertaining. After a few hours, Carrie was tired out and ready to make her way home. Bitsy walked her out.
“Dear, just a moment please. I know I promised I wouldn’t bring up Rafael but you have a light in your eyes that has me worried. Give him more time. Rafael has long taken his own time to think before he leaps. In fact, he isn’t one to leap, tread carefully is more like it. Carrie, none of his girlfriend’s in the last ten years have lasted longer than three months. Some of them barely made it to six weeks, he’s in a position he hasn’t been in, in a really long time. Don’t give up on him.”
Not meeting her eyes, Carrie kissed the woman’s cheek. “Thank you for inviting me. I had a very lovely time.”
Without another look Carrie left.
Chapter Twenty
Rafael was feeling sorry for himself and getting sick of hearing his father and his girlfriend squabbling. Needing air, he went out onto the back balcony and closed the door. Hearing Javier talking below him, he almost turned around to give his brother privacy until he heard Carrie’s name. He went still, then.
“Mother, how can you be sure Carrie is going to break it off? You were supposed to be nice and show her a good time so she wouldn’t be on her own. Instead, she leaves you with the mind to stop seeing Rafael. What did you do?
Don’t say you didn’t do anything because you did something. No, not as far as I know. He’s acting like a bear with a sore paw so I’d say he hasn’t talked to her. I’m not sure, I know he saw her Tuesday night but I don’t think since. Mother, I don’t know. He doesn’t tell me a damn thing. From what I can tell from Carrie, his main thing is to not talk at all. I just don’t believe from one day to the next she’s just going to up and call it off. She’s put up with a lot of his shit. He never takes her out, never calls her during the day, a few texts are nothing to him. A woman doesn’t put up with all she has if she’s not in love with a man and women in love don’t call things off.
How are you sure? I don’t want to hear about instinct. I’m not about to talk about instinct to Carrie, hell no I’m not talking to Rafael. Fine, let me get off and try to talk to Carrie.”
His chest felt tight and his ears were ringing. There was no way his mother and brother was talking about his Carrie breaking things off.
“Carrie, I just wanted to see how you were doing. Made it through the day okay with my mother and her family?
Are you okay because you don’t sound okay? You sound like you’ve been crying. Shit, Carrie, don’t do this. Give Rafael a little more time, okay? Carrie, don’t go, don’t hang up.
Damn it.”
Rafael heard a crack and knew it was Javier throwing his phone on the table. Carrie was really going to do it. Swallowing was hard, his throat felt as tight as his chest. This wasn’t happening. He still had another two weeks with Carrie, he needed those two weeks. Fuck that, he need more than two weeks.
On automatic
pilot he started packing, throwing things in his bag. It took minutes and he knew there were things he forgot, he didn’t care. He needed to talk to Carrie. He ran into Javier, as he came down the stairs.
“Rafe, where are you going?”
“Dallas, I have to talk to Carrie.”
“Thank god, yeah man, you fucked up but I know you can fix this.” Javier didn’t ask how why or how Rafael knew he needed to get to Carrie, he had no idea Rafe had been listening to his conversations all he knew that he was glad Rafael was on his way. It didn’t matter it was a little after seven and Rafael wouldn’t make it to Carrie until around eleven. Rafael would make it and he would make things right, Javier really believed he would because the alternative wasn’t an alternative at all.
Throwing his suitcase in the back seat Rafael gunned the engine and headed for the highway. As he drove Javier’s words to his mother haunted him. He’d made him sound like an asshole for the way he treated Carrie, had he really been that bad? Carrie had been the one to make the rules, just his nights and nothing else. Hell, she hadn’t even wanted the twins to know about him and her. Shit, was all of that to make himself feel better? The twins not knowing had lasted all of a month, she had no idea the twins spent the majority of their weekends in his condo. One day they had shown up to warn him to treat Carrie right. In as few words as possible he tried to explain what Carrie wanted, without making her look like the slut she proudly proclaimed herself. The twins had shrugged off his words, they knew Carrie had weird ways of thinking and brushed them off. Then the next thing he knew they were in his pool asking him questions about school, his company and what they should do with their future. At first, he had been less than pleased but then they had grown on him. Bit by bit he saw and heard Carrie in them and it helped him get through the day, it was as if she was there. As school had started and the twins had gotten more involved in activities, they had come around less. He had been surprised to realize he missed them, the sounds of them in his condo made it feel more like home. They still made their way to his pool at least once a weekend during the month but it was usually only for a few hours a day.
It had surprised him but filled him with relief when the twins didn’t ask where his relationship was going with Carrie. Closing his eyes, he realized they hadn’t asked because they trusted him to do the right thing, to take care of Carrie. Not sexually, they trusted him to take care of her heart, the way she deserved to be taken care of. Slamming his hand on the steering wheel he shook his head, he had told Carrie that he wasn’t looking for commitment had warned she deserved more. She had started this and now she wanted to end it. But it was too damn late, for both of them. Carrie was his, she belonged to him, not just her beautiful body but her love, her soul belonged to him and she knew that, probably before he ever had. Now it was both ways, he belonged to her and he wasn’t walking away from her, couldn’t do it. He’d fucked up, as he added up all the wrongs he knew he didn’t deserve her. Because although, yes, he’d taken her to heaven and taken care of her body, he hadn’t taken care of her heart.
Rafael didn’t know what was causing her to call a halt now, he thought he’d have more time. More time to figure out how to take it from just sex to a real relationship. Swallowing against the lump in his throat, he called himself a liar. Carrie had said just sex but if he had taken her out, she would have jumped at the chance, if he had decided to move things forward she would have smiled and said nothing but yes. He’d had his chance and he’d wasted it.
Except he didn’t believe she could really turn her back on him and what they shared. He’d do it, he’d say the right things and do the right things and he’d get her back. He could do it, he would do whatever it took.
Chapter Twenty One
Carrie wiped the tears away and hiccupped another attempt at a deep breath. She could make it home before falling apart and she had to. The way she was driving would get her pulled over and what could she say as excuse, sorry officer I just found out the man I love is ashamed I’m not some blue-blooded cotillion raised socialite. It wouldn’t get her out of a ticket, not with the cops in Dallas.
She had truly understood the word gutted as she’d locked herself in the guest restroom of Bitsy’s home to find out what the hell Rafael’s aunt had been talking about. The woman had alluded to other woman in Rafael’s life, not seeing Carrie at one fundraiser or another. Dazed, she had smiled and mumbled something and excused herself. She had used the smartphone and looked up Rafael and tagged it with Dallas. Article after article had popped up with Rafael smiling with a woman on his arm, okay most of the time it was his secretary and she knew the woman thought Rafael was the devil but loved the pay. Still, there were seven other events and four other women. Twisting the knife, she had done searches on the women, all of them had Ivy League degrees and came from money. She remembered Rafael’s disdain of his mother and saying something about the type of woman she had been but that was it. That was why Rafael hadn’t seen them in a relationship, had said she deserved better. It hadn’t been about her, it had been him deserving a better class of woman. Because those women were who he saw himself ending up with, not some grubby, no college, no money, nobody like her.
Bethany’s words had been a constant run through her mind, end it and push him to decide what he wanted. Carrie hadn’t really wanted to do it, it felt manipulative, and deep down she had been terrified he’d shrug and walk away. Now she had her answer, it was exactly what he was going to do. The only thing she had left was her pride because at this point the damn man had taken her heart and taken a fucking drill to it. Her whole body felt broken, as if she’d done ten rounds with Ali, she didn’t feel like she’d ever be whole again. Rafael had done that, she had always thought in the end, when it came down to it, he wouldn’t hurt her. But she had been wrong, he’d hurt her again and again when he got up every morning and never said the words he knew she needed to hear, the words he knew she felt. He hurt her with all the things he didn’t do like take her out to a simple lunch or dinner, or acknowledge their relationship in public. Little by little those things added up until it would be a relief not to feel the pain anymore, every day, wanting and needing but not getting it.
Her phone rang and she almost ignored it but saw it was from Javier. Hitting send his words came at her in a flurry, she should have known Bitsy wouldn’t stay out of it. There was no memory of what she said to Javier but she was sure the very clear sound of her crying made her answer to his questions clear. She couldn’t talk about it, not yet and she’d given Rafael all the time he needed. Bitsy’s words felt empty, yes she knew Rafael was a thinker but when it came down to it he was also a doer. In two weeks he had hated being away from her enough he’d picked out people and put them in charge of his offices without speaking to his grandfather about the decision. Of course his choices had worked out perfectly, in the last five months he’d visited each office only twice and been gone less than a week total. Mostly, he kept in contact by phone and by web conference. All done so he wouldn’t have to leave her. It had made her feel like a million bucks but it had been pretty much the end of his concessions where she was concerned. Carrie wanted to scream all those things at Javier but she didn’t dare. Didn’t dare let loose the pain and anger she was feeling.
Home, she had to get home. Ending the call she didn’t care if it was rude, she didn’t want Javier going to Rafael. She didn’t think he would but right now it felt like there wasn’t a damn thing she felt sure of anymore. Once she got home, she could cry her eyes out without worrying the twins would ask questions. She’d take a bath and then she’d sit down and write down what she was going to say. A script is what she knew she needed one or she would mess it up so badly there would be no coming back. The therapist who had helped the twins had given it to her and the twins as a trick to help stay on track and not forget the things they thought were important. Now she needed it, memorize the script, stick to the script and tell Rafael it was over. It would hurt, she couldn’t cry when she said the words, memorize the script and mouth the words. Don’t think about them, say them and then it would be over. The pain wasn’t going to go away easily, hell it might never completely go away but there would be other things to take its place, she needed to remember that.
Entering the building she couldn’t look at Linda or Damon, who was filling in at the security desk. She knew she looked like hell. Slamming into her apartment, she fled to the bathroom. There was no time to wait for the bathtub to fill up so she turned up the shower, stripped, sunk down on the floor of the shower and cried. What felt like hours later she crawled out, her legs wouldn’t hold her up. Making it to her room she leaned against the bed and pulled down the box of tissues beside the bed and proceeded to make a mess of balled up tissues. Shivering, she realized she was cold and even though it was hard, she got on her feet and pulled on underwear, loose lounge pants and a loose tee shirt.