Looking hurt, his grandfather rose. “Fine, I had hoped this would go differently. I’ll leave you.”
He couldn’t watch his grandfather leave, guilt flowed through him. Not simply because he was denying his grandfather but because he felt he was denying Carrie. Damn it, he wasn’t ready for this yet. He wasn’t ready to share Carrie, with anyone. It made him crazy to have figured out just last weekend he resented the hell out of the twins having Carrie to themselves on their days off when all he had were her nights. Yet, he loved their nights. Just the two of them on her much too small queen bed, it felt like they were the only two people in the world. Whether it was them making love hot and fast and greedy or slow and torturous as she had come to love or even simply holding her while she chattered on one subject or another it felt like an oasis of calm in his hectic life. All day long he looked forward to their time alone locked away in her room. Rafael knew it was one step from pathological to resent anyone spending time with Carrie when he couldn’t, it didn’t matter, he did and his mind refused to be soothed about it. His anger over her and Javier’s lunches was utterly ridiculous but it didn’t stop his temper from flaring knowing Javier had Carrie to himself.
As much as he wanted to press Carrie for more of her time he wasn’t ready to move beyond having her to himself and their nights to only each other. Hell, it had only been three months. Three of the most amazing months of his life, but still it was just three months. There was also the fact that Carrie held something she didn’t share to herself. He wasn’t sure if it was worry over their relationship that had somehow come up after giving into him or something else but what could it be? It made him uneasy, the idea of her keeping something from him, could it be she was already wanting to tell him that she was in love with him but was scared of his response. Hell, how could she not have figured out he was in love with her? Fuck, just the thought of her saying those words was making his heart race and his hands sweat. He hadn’t thought it was possible again, so fast, so completely but it had.
Yet, he still wasn’t ready for everything it would take from them. While he would like to introduce her to his grandfather and see her before dark, he wasn’t ready to share their time together. For now, it was just them in the night, in their small world, but it was enough, it was what he needed.
His cell phone rang, it was the nutritionist he had sent to Carrie. He still shook his head at the anger flaring to hear her call herself fat. The woman gave a detailed report of her time with Carrie and he was happy to hear Carrie had been excited, if a bit overwhelmed with all of the information. He gave the woman instructions to put together easy menus with the grocery list needed in an easy to read packet for Carrie the next day. The woman agreed and he hung up relieved to know it had gone well. Tonight he would find out how well Carrie thought it had gone. He was ready for her play by play of her day, aching to see her eyes sparkling as she described her day.
Shit, he was hard for his woman. Closing his eyes he tried to go over the close of the market prices but the picture of Carrie’s ass red from the spanking she had pleaded him for came out of nowhere. Damn it, getting up he paced. His little virgin had surprised the hell out of him with her turn on. He knew she liked when he lost control but it was about allowing him a release he had long believed. Now knowing how much she enjoyed being spanked maybe he didn’t need to hold back as often if she truly enjoyed rough play. Looking out over the skyline of Dallas, the scene which had so often given him satisfaction only left him feeling alone. His woman was in a building along the skyline but it was hours before he could hold her in his arms. Right now, he was alone and he ached for her.
A brief knock was at his door before it opened. Javier’s smiling face was bright, “Hey Rafe, come on. Let’s get out of here and grab a beer and have some dinner.”
Normally, he would have made an excuse. Now he shrugged and went to grab his jacket before following his brother out of his office and out into the Dallas heat.
Chapter Seventeen
A month later
Carrie sighed as she heard her bedroom door close. Rafael left so early in the mornings and this morning he left without making love to her. She knew he was trying to be thoughtful but she hated when he simply left. Her thoughts were troubled, it had been almost four months since they had begun and she knew he was happy. Felt his happiness and his ease with her but still he confined their time to night. Swallowing hard, she hated to admit she had thought they would have moved farther along by now. Fear kept her from even hinting at wanting more from him. She was too afraid it would push him away, even though she ached for more, for now, she wasn’t willing to rock their boat.
Knowing she wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep she got up and took a long hot shower. Listlessly, she dressed and went to make some coffee and something for breakfast. A little shard of happiness broke through her mood, the twins had been up and gotten their own breakfast and off to school and they had actually cleaned up after themselves. She was proud to see they had made a healthy breakfast. Carrie believed Heather had been an angel sent from heaven, but she wasn’t, the woman was sent by Rafael and it made her even happier.
At first the nutritionist had seemed like such a silly idea, of course she knew what she shouldn’t eat and should eat. Then the woman had really laid it out by going through the cupboards. With each thing thrown in the trash Carrie had wondered if there was going to be anything left. Then the woman had taken her shopping. The prices of some of the items had been shockingly high to Carrie. But after an overwhelming tutorial on what could be done with the items Carrie could see the benefit. Thankfully, the next day she’d brought paper, Carrie loved paper. She loved having something she could refer to with ease and the woman had provided menu after meu of easily prepared and easily cooked lunches and dinners. The twins had grumbled loudly but given in to helping and in the last month Carrie had dropped the few pounds she had gained.
The twins had liked the healthier eating admitting once their eating habits changed they had more energy. She knew they were happier at the school they were at, taking Rafael’s advice she had talked with the school and they had been allowed to enroll in honor classes and even though it was only a few weeks in, they seemed to be thriving.
Settling on a bowl of cereal, her cell phone rang and she answered without checking, knowing it wouldn’t be Rafael.
“Hermana, have lunch with me today, it feels as though it’s been ages. The Italian place close to the office, I’ll make sure they have a table for us.”
“I don’t know, Rafael acted like he was going to hurt you the last time. I don’t want you to get into trouble.”
“Don’t worry about Rafael, he hasn’t been putting as many hours at the gym as he used to, thank you for that by the way. I’m sure I can take a punch easily. Come, from what I hear your biggest excitement is dealing with your demanding owners. A good meal, good conversation and you’ll be back to work on time.”
“Okay, I’ll meet you there. I don’t want you to worry about running me back to work.”
“See you then, hermana.”
She was so excited and when she realized it, it made her sad for a moment, he had been right. Her life hadn’t been very interesting lately. The twins had a more active social life than she did. Now back in school, they had decided to fill their schedule with as many things as possible that could get them a scholarship. Elliot had taken up the trumpet and basketball. Riley had taken up the trumpet too but had picked baseball. They had also started volunteering at the local food bank on the weekends. Carrie envied the boys, for her it was work, the boys, and nights of Rafael. She talked to Bethany a few times a month but not often, the last time they had talked Bethany had mentioned coming up to Dallas but it had been vague. It wasn’t like she really cared, before moving to Dallas her only days out of the house had been with Bethany and every once in a while a Sunday dinner with the twins and Bethany’s parents.
The
re was a difference when she didn’t feel like she had a choice, she had even refused Javier’s invitations because Rafael had been so thunderously angry the last time. As hard as she tried, she couldn’t understand his anger when he’d gone to the restaurant to find them laughing over lunch. She hadn’t been wearing a skirt, she had tried to joke, had in fact put them all to the back of the closet. He hadn’t liked the comment but said nothing, simply walked out. That night he’d been close to violence. Afterward he had apologized so many times she thought his voice was going to go hoarse. Carrie had assured him it was okay but a part of her knew she’d never push him that far again. She wasn’t afraid of Rafael, she was afraid for him, afraid she’d push past a point where he would regret too deeply what he did.
She didn’t want to be wined and dined, she just wanted Rafael to admit her importance in his life. He had put people in charge of his Los Angeles and Phoenix offices so he didn’t have to be away from her. Since his first trip he had never been gone longer than a week and every time he returned his lovemaking was fierce and greedy. When he was gone they talked every night and sometimes they actually just talked. He finally talked about his other brother Matteo an oncologist specializing in children cancers, who worked and lived in Baltimore at John Hopkins. He spoke fondly of his nephew, attending Yale and going into law. The love he felt for his grandfather was clear and she longed to meet the man who was such a big influence in his life.
She didn’t want to push, was too afraid to push. Her relief was too high he came to her every night without fail. It didn’t matter if sometimes she was so exhausted she simply wanted to sleep. Afraid he would leave, she hadn’t told him. He’d seen it and only took her into his arms and held her through the night. There had been a few times when he was so stressed he hadn’t been interested in sex but he’d needed to hold her. The words had come out of him and it had been clear it pained him to admit them. Carrie had felt like he’d just handed her the world when he said them, so she’d done her best to not gloat only smile and hold him close.
Javier was waiting for her when she came in the doors of the restaurant. The hostess knew her and showed them to a table.
“So beautiful you are looking today, and that’s why Rafael gets so cranky with me. Still I cannot help it. If something is beautiful to not acknowledge it seems a sin. Talk to me, tell me how you have been in the last month. Rafael becomes a cranky bear when I ask about you.”
Carrie frowned. “Sometimes, Javier, I don’t get your brother. Is he jealous or angry and if he’s angry about what?”
Javier lost his easy smile and took a thoughtful sip of wine. “I was hoping to find out by talking you. It’s usual for Rafael to be tight-lipped but to barely mention you at all. That is not like him either, I was wondering if something had happened between you. Yet, still he is happy and you seem miserable. I have to say I don’t like this at all.”
Their food came and Carrie tried to do justice to the good food but she found it hard and was pushing the food around on her plate.