I don’t like the sadness in her eyes. Taking her hand, I fight the desire to pull her into my arms. This is important to her, I need to let her get it out.
“Luca might not have loved or even liked Al, but he’s been living that life, been Luca Toro for thirty-five freaking years. Yes, Pop is awesome, I love him to death. It’s been easy to see him as a father-figure in a way I never did with Johnny, but even then there are times when it still feels odd to wake up and have Pop and Chloe and all these cousins and their kids running around. It’s like being thrown into the deep end of the ocean sometimes.” Her eyes go honey soft and she runs her fingers over my cheek.
“I love my life now. It’s better than any fantasy I ever had growing up, stuck in boarding school where I felt so alone. But, a soft but, I wanted it badly and it’s still hard to get used to. Luca probably never allowed himself to even go there because he’s this big, strong, tough man who doesn’t need anyone.”
She rolls her eyes. Why do I like it when she does it, when it should annoy me? “I’m sure there’s a part of him worried if he accepts it too easily, it will make him seem weak, and god forbid that happen in the mafia. Give him a little more time to adjust. He’ll come around.”
Catching her hand, I bring it up to my mouth. “Deep end of the ocean, huh? You worried you’re gonna drown?
Shaking her head, she smiles and she’s glowing, and fuck, it hits me in my chest all over again. “I did in the beginning. Then I took Chloe’s advice and let go. When I did that it felt like I was floating, and the current carries me along. I love it. Let Luca come to terms and love it in his own time. He will, and it will be that much better for everyone.”
“Okay, I’ll talk to Pop and make sure Luca gets all the time he needs. It’s been more than five minutes and I’m done fighting my asshole tendencies. Come here.” I pull her down to me. This time, she doesn’t fight me as she giggles.
24
Dominic
“Cosa C’e?”
I shrug as I stare into my scotch. I’m not sure what Pop is doing here at the club so late. I should be the one asking him what’s wrong.
“That’s not going to give you any answers. Talk to me, mimmo.”
“Regina,” I sigh as I shake my head. Guilt fills me all over again. “Watching her with Allegra and Mass earlier today. She wants that. I want to give her everything her heart fucking desires. Except to do so would end in more pain than I think she could take.”
Pop takes the glass from me and drinks it. “There are other ways to give her what she wants.”
My head comes up.
“Adoption is the easiest. Our last name could be Luciano, and so could the kid’s and he still wouldn’t be accepted into the Outfit. There are kids clogging up the system.”
I consider the option. “I don’t care if it’s selfish, I don’t want to worry in fifteen years the kid is going to scream at Regina she isn’t his real mom, or deal with Regina having to share a kid with another woman when she decides she wants to be in the kid’s life. Even though I’m pretty sure you’re right, I don’t want to take the chance that twenty years from now people might get desperate enough for any man with the same last name, blood or not. If there was a way to just get girls...”
It hits me then, fuck, it was right fucking there. But was it fair to put Regina through?
“What?”
“There’s a way to make sure we have nothing but girls. It’s just a lot. Drugs, injections, doctors.” I’m up pacing my office.
“That in vitro stuff.” He tilts his head as he considers it. “I think Regina would go for it. She’s young enough and healthy it would work. Do you want to go through all of that?”
“Are you kidding? I jack off into a cup. The cost is high, it’s nothing though. I won’t even have to get into savings for it. She’s got it ten times harder than me.”
“Exactly, she’s going to get cranky and emotional. It won’t be easy on you either. When the woman you love is going through all of that, you go through it too.”
I freeze. “I’m not in love with Regina.” The words fall heavy from my mouth.
Pop sighs. “I didn’t raise a dumbass. You still want to play it that way? It’s been over six months now. I’ve never seen you this happy in your entire life. If you weren’t in love with her, this baby thing wouldn’t be tearing you up the way it is.”
Pouring another drink, I throw it back. “No, it’s not that. I care about her. I’m not made of stone. She’s with me night and day, it’s normal to want to make my wife happy. Her happiness makes my life easier. But it’s not safe to love her, for either of us.”
“I believe you’re the one who likes to tell people our life isn’t as scary as the movies and books like to say it is. It’s been more than thirty years since someone was stupid enough to go after a wife of anyone in this family. She’s safe. You’re safe. You got all the men in the Outfit happy—they would slit their own throats before going against you. Everybody is making money, our streets are safe.” Pop shakes his head like he can’t believe he has to say it.
“Yeah, we still got to settle shit with the Bratva fuckers to keep them in line, but even then your relationship with Milosh is strong. He respects you, he took care of the last dustup with that Serbian gang to keep it out of your line of fire. The MC were dumb enough to invade his territory and he’s popping them off one by one. Better on him than us. Relax, enjoy this.”
“You say that, but not three days ago I had to kill two start-up dealers who couldn’t get the message not to sell in our territory. Today I had to okay Emilio killing his cousin who thinks he’s going to take over Emilio’s business,” I remind him.
“That business has nothing to do with your wife, and none of those things will ever touch her. Don’t let fear get in the way of giving her the love she wants. You said you’d give her everything her heart desires, it wants you. Take it from me, denying it won’t get you anything but regret.”