“I did what I had to do, Regina. When other kids were playing checkers, I was taught chess, to always play five moves ahead. You and that idiot thought you were going to win against Johnny. Neither of you thinking ahead fr
om your next move.”
“Some people are just trying to follow their heart. Not everyone is cold-blooded, thinking in terms of moves and strategy. That’s not a way to live your life.”
“Those who don’t are destined to regret it.” It’s hard not to laugh at her naivety.
“Fifteen.” She buries her face in her hands. “Johnny could have helped you find a way out of the life. But no, he helped you become a killer at fifteen.”
“Look, Regina, your father allowed me to keep and maintain control of my legacy. There was no other life I was going to lead. He gave me what I wanted. The help I needed to keep Pop’s bookie, loan shark, liquor, and club running. People didn’t want to pay a fifteen-year-old, they thought they could tell me no and I would go away. Becoming made, having your father in my corner restored a semblance of order.”
Without Johnny I wouldn’t have anything I do now. She might hate him, but I owed him my life. I have no doubt it would have all been gone by the time Pop got out if it weren’t for Johnny.
“Only it didn’t cover everything. I had to get into things to bring in more money. The lawyers for Pop’s trial were expensive, people were trying to shaft me on the daily. It meant I had to run the streets. I put together underground fights, and poker games for dumbass college kids. By the time Pop got out after three years, I tripled his income and earned the respect of everyone in the family, and more importantly the fear I needed so no one dared to fuck with me. The social worker was a problem, I solved it in a way that worked for the both of us.”
“I don’t understand how sex was a solution.” She is genuinely confused.
Young, too damn young. “She needed to feel like someone cared about her, that she was desirable. Her job was fucking hard. She needed someone to vent to, who she thought cared about her. For a few hours a day I made her come until her eyes rolled into the back of her head, then held her while she talked about what she needed to get out of her system. In return she didn’t try and remove me or give me hell for missing school. Instead she put me on track to get my GED so I could stop going altogether.”
“How long did...it last with her?”
“For two years, until she decided to move away. By the end, we both got what we needed out of it.” I definitely took advantage of Sara. At the time it started she was a means to an end, by the time it was over her softness and kindness were what got me through the dirty shit I needed to do.
7
Regina
I can’t believe this is my life, sitting beside a man who is telling me he’s been a killer and psychopath since he was fifteen years old as if he were discussing the weather. No wait, he’s a sociopath—he has a conscious, he just ignores it. And he’s asking me to go quietly, meekly, into a marriage with him. Please, please wake up now. I squeeze my eyes so tight I see stars. Nope, still living this nightmare. For a few minutes he had seemed so nice. Actually, he’s still nice. And that’s what makes him so dangerous.
Him being nice and that kiss, that kiss that felt like I was touching a live wire. A current ran through my body, so strong even now I ache from it. It was the moment I put my hand in his all over again, yet this time I didn’t want it to stop. I stare blindly out the window. Dominic Sabatini tasted like sin, and sex, and all the things that dirty dreams are made of. I shiver at how badly I want to taste him again, at how I hadn’t wanted it to end.
Nothing in my entire life has ever felt as good as his kiss. For an all too brief moment I forgot everything; nothing existed but Dominic. The heat of his body against mine, the taste of him. The sensation of his velvet tongue sweeping into my mouth, slow and almost gentle, at odds with the growl that rumbled out of his chest. Then reality came crashing down, and I’m wondering if I dare to open the car and throw myself out of it.
Rolling my eyes, I shake my head—don’t be stupid. Dominic promised he wouldn’t hurt me. I just have to wait for the right moment to escape all of this. Eventually, I can escape and find a new home.
Home. “Where do you live? Do you live with a woman?”
“In the building where I have my club. There was a woman, she overstepped today and she’s been removed.”
“Removed?” I’m uneasy at how cold he is.
Dominic chuckles. I hate the way he laughs at me. It’s really annoying the way the sound sends heat up my tummy. “She didn’t want to leave. Have no fear, she’s in one piece and walking and talking just fine.”
“How did she overstep?”
“She wanted to meet Pop.” He says it as if she were asking to meet the Pope.
“Why was it overstepping?”
“It was the second time she’d asked to meet him. She wanted to be my girlfriend.”
The word girlfriend is muttered like it’s offensive to him.
“She wasn’t, she was my mistress. My rules are simple: you don’t ask questions about what I do, any of it. Where I go, what I do, who I do it with. If I want you to know, I’ll tell you. I told Serena that the first night and she agreed.”
“Are you going to have a mistress?” I can’t say the words “once we’re married.” I can’t allow my mind to go that far.
He shrugs. “We have to seal our marriage, there’s no way around it. I’m also not going to force you to fuck me. I have no problem finding women who want to fuck me. If you don’t want to be a real wife to me, I’ll have a mistress. Sex is a normal appetite that needs to be fed. This marriage will be what you make it. I’m willing to put in the work, if you are too. I won’t ask you to give more than I do.”