That wasn’t friendship.
“What?” My voice cracked. “What more could you possibly say?”
“You promised.”
“Excuse me?” I turned in a flash, ready to slap the crap out of him when he stalked toward me.
I backed up out of total self-preservation. I didn’t trust my emotions around him, not when it was like staring at three different people. Was he Ashton, the famous actor and pop star? Was he Gabe, the wounded bird that just needed someone to talk to? Or was he Parker, the broken fiancé?
Gabe’s eyes were wild. “I can’t lose you. I can’t.”
“Funny.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Because I’ve already lost you. I lost Gabe. I never knew Parker. And now I’m losing Ashton all over again. I wonder how much more I can lose — before I’m empty.”
“Saylor—”
“I asked for truth. You gave me lies.”
“When?” He pulled me against his chest. “When did I lie to you?”
My mind searched for situations where he’d out right lied… and I came up with nothing. Absolutely nothing, except for one thing. “Your name.”
“I told you,” he muttered, his lips nearly touching mine, “I told you there were things I kept hidden — is this it then? You’re rejecting me?”
“Me?” I tried to jerk free. “Reject you? No, Gabe. That’s like saying I’m setting a caged bird free without ever being given the bird in the first place. What we had wasn’t real. You can’t base what we had on truth when nothing was actually real. God…” I started shaking. “I was falling for you. Falling for you, Gabe! How do you think that makes me feel? Do you even know who you are?”
“No.” He sighed. “I guess that’s the problem when you spend four years trying to forget.”
We stood in silence. So many words rushed through my head, things I could say that wouldn’t actually make anything better because at the end of the day, our worlds
should have never collided in the first place.
“Saylor,” he pleaded. “Let me make it up to you. Let me tell you the truth — can I have one chance, one chance to come clean?”
“Why would I give you this chance?” I slowly pried myself free. “When you haven’t even made up for the tears you caused the first time? Why in the hell would I give you the opportunity to cause more?”
Gabe stared at me for a few minutes, his shoulders slumped. He nodded slowly.
And then he walked away.
He walked away.
And a part of me hated him for it. Because for once in my life I understood what it meant to be at a crossroads where someone either chooses you or them.
He didn’t choose me.
I was alone.
Just how I started.
Only now, I realized how lonely I actually was.
I wiped away a few more stray tears and got into my car. Rain started pounding against the windshield as I drove toward campus.
My life wasn’t over.
So why did it feel like it?
Chapter Thirty-Six