"Like what?" he presses.
"Things that are none of your business, Noah." I raise my cup towards him.
It's the first time I've ever seen him blush. He pulls his head down so swiftly that I only get a fleeting glimpse of it but it's tender and gives me witness to the parts of him that Lex is always fawning over. "I was just wondering if he told you anything about the night I was stabbed."
He doesn't look up as the question sits in stillness between us. I know that the stabbing only occurred a few years ago and it's been my understanding that Noah and Ben were estranged at the time. "You weren't talking to each other then, were you?"
"No." His answer is quick and abrupt.
"Why would he ask me about it?" I can't connect the dots at all. "Did he even know you were stabbed?"
His eyes pull up and onto my face. "He knew, Kayla. My father called to tell him and he was on the first flight to Boston to see me."
I don't know how to absorb that other than one twin needing to be by his brother's side after a horrific incident. "I'm not surprised. Ben's a caring person."
"It didn't go well." He hesitates as his eyes travel the length of the restaurant. "I was in a bad place."
"You didn't want to see him?" I'm not sure why I'm asking the question at all. Judging by the one time I've seen Noah and Ben in the same room together, I doubt that Noah has ever been eager to spend any time with his brother since that morning their mother died.
"I tried to kill him."
***
"I can get you another cup." The barista daps at the tea stain on my jeans. "I'll go get it now."
I push her hand away. "No, please. I'm fine." I'm not fine at all. Noah's words had pulled every ounce of strength from me and my hand instantly gave way. The moment the hot tea hit my lap, I'd jumped. He was there, almost immediately, his hand wiping away the liquid.
She mutters something incomprehensible under her breath as she scoops up a handful of damp paper napkins and walks back behind the counter.
"Did you burn yourself?" He's in the chair next to me now, his hand holding tightly to mine. "You're white as a ghost, Kayla."
That has nothing to do with the scorching liquid that splashed all over me and everything to do with the fact that he just told me he tried to kill Ben. "I'm okay," I whisper. "I'm okay."
"I can take you to the…" He halts himself. "Is there a doctor I can take you to see?"
I stare at his face. We're both fully aware of the irony in the question. "My jeans caught most of it. I didn't get burned."
"Good." He holds his gaze on mine. "I'm sorry I didn't know you'd react like that."
I push my hands into my lap. "How did you think I'd react? You just told me that you tried to kill Ben." I motion towards his face. "I heard you say it."
"Something snapped inside of me that morning." He rakes his hand through his short brown hair. "They must have sedated me when they brought me in after the stabbing. I was out of it. I was hallucinating."
I've never been on strong painkillers so I have nothing to go by other than the stories I've heard on the news about what people are capable of when they're under the influence of strong narcotics. "I can't imagine what you were going through."
"Alexa told you I killed the man who stabbed me in self defense, right?"
I nod. I don't want to give an actual voice to that. I know that Alexa felt that she was betraying Noah's trust when she shared those details with me. I don't want this conversation to run off its path. I need to understand what happened between Noah and Ben that morning.
"I didn't expect to see Ben." He scrubs his hand over the back of his neck. "He was actually the last person I thought I'd see when I woke up that day."
"You were asleep before he arrived?"
"I was sedated," his correction is subtle. "When I first opened my eyes I couldn't place where I was. The last thing I remembered was the sting of the knife when it…" his voice trails as his hand leaps to his cheek.
"Then Ben was there?" I want him to tell me what happened. I'm eager to hear it.
He pulls his gaze back to my face. "I saw him. I hadn't seen him since he left to live with my grandparents."