Have to hurry! she told herself and was about to slip back out of the office when her eyes fell on the carved wooden cabinet which was hanging on the wall beside the Priestess Superior’s shiny, varnished desk. Though she had meant to see to the old Priestess Superior first, it occurred to her that she might as well take a quick sip of the Mortem Amore since she was already here where it was kept.
She walked quietly over to the cabinet and used the ornate golden knob to open its tiny door. It was just big enough to hold the sacred golden chalice which contained the Mortem Amore elixir and had been built especially for that cause.
As she lifted the heavy golden goblet out of its small cabinet, Elli felt a twinge of uncertainty in her gut. The liquid inside the rich vessel was a thick, oily black and when she sniffed it, a bitter whiff that smelled almost poisonous assaulted her nostrils.
Should I really drink this? she asked herself. But then she remembered her parting from Roke—their last, sweet kiss and the way she would never see the big warrior again. Even now she longed for him—a longing that made her ache deep inside.
She loved him so much it hurt, and Elli didn’t want to hurt anymore.
Lifting the chalice to her lips, she sipped carefully from its dark, oily contents. The elixir seemed to coat her tongue with bitterness and Elli drew back hastily. She’d meant to drink more, but it seemed she didn’t have to. For as the slimy mixture slipped down her throat, she felt the burning pain of love and guilt extinguished at once, like a torch being put out in a bucket of water.
Or like the Crown Prince being thrown into the zorels’ water trough, whispered a little voice in her head. But that memory seemed suddenly very far away. Even though Elli knew it had only happened a few short hours ago, it felt like a lifetime ago—or like it had happened to another person. Thinking about it didn’t give her pain. In fact, nothing seemed to give her pain anymore—she felt completely calm and at peace, which was nice after so much emotional turmoil.
“I am cured of my sorrow,” Elli murmured, replacing the golden goblet carefully in the small carved wooden cabinet. “Thank the Goddess.” She was careful not to spill the thick black elixir—she had taken so little she was sure the Ascending Priestess Superior would never know the difference.
She was cured of her sorrow and guilt—which was wonderful—but was she also cured of her lust and hot-bloodedness? As an experiment, Elli closed her eyes and pictured Roke kissing her. She felt nothing. She thought of Roke doing more than kissing her—she remembered all the “Mirroring” they’d done together—still nothing.
Even picturing the night when Roke had taken her virginity had no effect on her. Oh, she knew it had been wrong, but it seemed like something that had happened to someone else a lifetime ago. The memory gave her no thrills or chills—it didn’t make her feel hot and cold and breathless with desire at all. She simply felt…nothing.
A little part of Elli felt sad at this realization. But it was a small part and she was sure it would fade soon. And she would never be troubled with wrong desires and forbidden lust again, for the Mortem Amore caused a permanent change. That was why the Shriving Ceremony was so solemn—when a priestess drank of the elixir as Elli had done, she gave up her carnal appetites forever.
It was good to be purged of her sinful lusts of the flesh, Elli told herself firmly as she shut the cabinet and turned back towards the door. She still remembered her past misdeeds and felt sorry for them, but she had no urge to commit them ever again. She had been shriven of her desire and now she could do the will of the Goddess and heal the old Priestess Superior with the fragment of the Healing Lattice. She could—
Suddenly the door to the office banged open and someone exclaimed,
“Ellilah? What in the Goddess’s name are you doing here?”
Fifty-Three
Roke couldn’t do it.
He tried, but he simply couldn’t leave Ellilah behind.
He cut the motor to his engine, which he had been revving indecisively for the past several minutes, and unbuckled his seat harness. He didn’t care how foolish it was or what a risk he was taking, he had to find the little priestess and make certain she was all right.
Shortly after Ellilah had left, just as he was about to take off again, the nagging feeling of worry about her had begun to grow in his mind. At first, he had brushed it off, thinking it was just his lingering regret at losing her. But as the worry grew, he realized it must be something else.