“This is wonderful!” Elli exclaimed. “Now I don’t have to go back empty handed! And maybe if I heal the old Priestess Superior, I won’t be punished as much!”
Roke frowned as he put the handkerchief with its precious contents into her hand.
“You expect to be punished?”
Elli looked down at the tiny crystal shard.
“After the way I behaved, yes, I’m afraid so,” she said in a low voice.
“But it wasn’t your fault—it was my fault,” Roke protested. “Look—let me go with you and try to explain. Let me take the blame.”
“You didn’t break any vows—I did,” Elli reminded him. “Look…” She took a deep breath. “I’d really rather not talk about it right now, okay?”
“But it’s not right,” Roke growled fiercely. “I was the one who—”
“Who broke my heart?” Elli flared, her sorrow turning suddenly to anger.
His face twisted with self-recrimination.
“Ellilah, I never meant to—”
“It was my fault in the first place,” Elli said quickly. “I never should have let myself love you. I…” She shook her head, unable to finish.
“You…love me?” Roke’s deep voice was hesitant. Almost hopeful.
“I thought I did.” Elli shook her head quickly, not wanting to reveal her weakness. “But I was just being foolish. I was in love with the idea of being on an adventure—going on a quest. And working with zorels again.” She looked down at the tiny piece of Healing Lattice again. “I’ll never do any of that again. I’ll spend the rest of my life in the Sacred Grove—unless the Ascending Priestess Superior decides to send me back to the Priory of Extreme Atonement, which I suppose she might.”
“You shouldn’t have to go through all that, though,” Roke exclaimed. “You shouldn’t be a priestess at all, Ellilah! You clearly don’t have the temperament for it.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She frowned at him.
“You’re hot-blooded, sweetheart. You were never meant for chastity.” Reaching out, he stroked her cheek gently. At once, Elli’s heart began to race and she felt herself flush with heat.
“Roke…” she protested uneasily, drawing away from his hand.
“And you’re clearly much better with zorels than saying morning and evening prayers and scrubbing pots and trimming trees,” he went on. “You have a gift from the Goddess—why don’t you use it?”
“Because I made a promise!” Elli exclaimed. “I swore vows to serve the Goddess all my life and just because I’ve broken those vows—at least some of them—doesn’t mean I can just abandon my calling! I took orders as a priestess and I must fulfill them.”
“All right, all right…” He held up his hands in a “don’t shoot” gesture. “If you’re really so determined to do something you hate the rest of your life…”
“What choice do I have?” Elli flared at him. “I might not have chosen this life, but I’m stuck in it now and that’s all there is to it. So please, just take me back to the Mother Ship and drop me off and you’ll never have to see me again.”
“You know I don’t want that,” he said in a low voice. “Don’t want to part from you forever, little priestess.”
“We have no choice.” Elli shook her head. “Do you really think the Priestess Superior will let me see the male I broke my vows with? You’ll be lost to me, Roke—as lost as Demon is. I…I’ll never see either of you ever again.”
And with that, the tears that had been threatening to overwhelm her rose to the surface and she couldn’t hold them back anymore.
“Ellilah—” Roke reached for her but Elli pushed his hand away. She fumbled blindly with the seat harness and released herself. Walking on legs that trembled and swayed, she somehow made her way down the aisle towards the back of the ship, where she could cry in private.
“Ellilah,” Roke called again, but she only shook her head.
“Tell me…tell me when we get to the Mother Ship,” she managed to get out.
Then she turned and fled.
Fifty-One
“Just drop me off and leave again,” Ellilah told him as Roke landed his ship in the Mother Ship’s Docking Bay. He was relieved that he’d been allowed in at all, after he’d drugged the punch during the Christmas Party. But apparently the Ship Controller who granted access hadn’t flagged his vehicle as belonging to anyone but another solo Kindred warrior coming for a visit to the Mother Ship.
He was also relieved that the little priestess was no longer crying. It tore his heart to see her so upset and know he was the cause of it. But now Ellilah seemed to be all business—ready to go back to her old life and damn the consequences.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Roke asked, frowning. “If you’re so determined to confess, at least let me take the blame. I can explain everything.”
“The Ascending Priestess Superior won’t care what you say,” Ellilah told him. “In fact, having you there would probably make her even angrier.” She shook her head. “No, Roke—I have to do this alone. And you need to leave before someone realizes you’re the one who drugged the punch at the Christmas party.”