Oh, Lucy, not you too?
Chapter Seventeen
Lucy
Everything’s fine. Better than fine.
I tell myself that. I know it is.
That’s the whole problem, it’s all too… perfect.
Nathan, his lifestyle. My god, his body. Him as a person. The fact he seems totally head over heels for me.
Right at the part where most girls would and rightly should be clapping their hands and squealing for joy, I’m gripped by an uneasiness I can’t explain.
An uneasiness I don’t want to even try and explain to Nathan let alone make sense of for myself.
I mean, does he even know what it’s like to have hopes and dreams and to constantly have them blow up in your face or worse.
To have nothing good ever happen to you at all, because you’re just so ordinary?
Looking him over as I manage to free myself from his tender grip, I wonder to myself as I pull on a robe and stare out the window, gnawing at my lip.
“You got the gist of my phone call then?” he asks wearily, and I hear him slumping back into the pillows.
“Every word,” I murmur, wishing I hadn’t but so glad that I did.
“Well, I’m not gonna go over everything again every time this comes up, Lucy,” he says firmly but not angry.
“You’re mine now, and things are gonna be different from now on in my life and yours,” he adds, sounding more triumphant than concerned.
But I can’t shake my feelings of apprehension for his career, his name.
His future.
I don’t want to be the solvent that unglues Nathan Cartwright. Don’t want to be the thing that causes a scandal to ruin him.
It doesn’t happen often, but celebrities fall from grace all the time. Millions of adoring fans and offers one day, struggling to pay the bills the next.
And a middle-aged, man old enough to be my father type is just what the press loves as bait.
Even I know that.
He lets me stand by the window, stew a little but I feel his wanting eyes on me all the same.
Looking out across the view of the city, I feel like I’m noticing it all for the first time.
Feeling like the whole world seems less frightening and brighter somehow.
More complete now that I’m his.
I can’t deny that much.
“It’s beautiful,” I whisper, almost at the idea as much as to myself, jumping a little at his reply which is followed by his hands on my shoulders as he kisses my neck.
“It sure is. The most beautiful thing in the whole world,” he adds with a little laugh, and I know he’s not even thinking about the view.
“Are you gonna let that big bad world out there or your own uncertainty decide what’s best for both of us, or are we gonna decide it for ourselves?” he asks me, and I turn to embrace him, almost sobbing at the thought that I could try and deny this feeling between us a second longer.
“It all just feels so… unlike anything that would happen to me is all,” I confess, gripping his arms a little too tight as I clutch onto him.
Realizing how deep I’m already in with him.
How my life couldn’t possibly have any meaning without him in it.
“It’s not us I’m afraid of,” I admit.
“Then what is it, tell me?” he asks patiently as I look up into his eyes, feeling my own dampen.
“It’s the thought of losing you. Of you waking up tomorrow or in two weeks and deciding it’s all just been a bit of fun or a huge mistake,” I gasp.
The thought somehow terrifying me all over again, making me grip him even tighter.
“How could you even think that Lucy?” he consoles me, rubbing my back and hugging me closer to him. His naked body against my robe one giving us both plenty of warmth.
“I guess I just never had the man of my dreams appear and sweep me off my feet before,” I have to admit, sniffing and trying to laugh at how silly I must sound.
“Sorry for sounding so stupid,” I mumble, hoping Nathan can see where I’m coming from without judging me too harshly.
“And why wouldn’t a man of my years worry about the same?” he retorts cheerfully.
“A girl like you, so pretty and smart. The world at her feet? I’m the one who should feel grateful you fell from heaven to earth when you did,” he croons. Suddenly sounding serious again.
“I mean it, Lucy. I don’t just want you for tonight or this weekend,” he adds cryptically, making my heart leap in my chest.
“Live with me, at least stay with me from now on and prove to yourself it’s real and that we’ll be great together no matter what happens.”
His look is so intense, his eyes so bright and full of hope I want to agree on the spot, and my head is bobbing in agreement.