“I just mean, do you want the bad press, speculation about your private life by being seen with me? Not just a younger girl but a chunky one at that,” she says, creasing the side of her mouth and shrugging her shoulders.
“What are you saying?” I ask her, feeling my own disappointment shift from her letting me down to how she’s talking down about herself.
“I mean,” she says louder. “You could have any woman in the world, just snap your fingers and ‘poof!’ Why waste time hanging out with me?” she chokes, her lip starting to tremble.
“Is this some kind of game for you? Do you like leading girls on and then-” she tries to say, but my hand is up.
“Lucy, stop,” I command, taking her hand in mine firmly.
I lean forward over the table, lifting her face to meet mine, feeling every ounce of her hurt in my touch.
It’s the same hurt I thought I was feeling from her rejecting me.
Turns out she’s more insecure about how or why an older guy like me would even look twice at her.
“I told you I want you, and I mean it,” I tell her again.
“When you woke up and saw me like that, it’s because I couldn’t control myself when I saw you laying there. I wanted you from the first moment I saw you, and seeing you stretched out on the bed…”
I squeeze her hand, wanting to bring it to my lips, but she looks confused, then upset. Her lip quivers still and I’m not sure how much clearer I can be.
“Am I that bad?” I ask her, trying to make light of it all, but I can see she’s torn by more than just feelings for me.
“You’re perfect,” she sniffs, relaxing her hand in mine. “Maybe that’s what I don’t get, you’re too perfect, so why would you look twice at a girl like me, let alone want to…”
“A girl like you?” I challenge her. “What the hell does that mean?”
“Come on, Nathan, look at me. Do I look like I belong on the arm of a famous author with the world at his feet, let alone anywhere else with him?” she says defiantly.
I like her fire, and although I can’t stand her being so down on herself, when she disagrees with me it makes me harder than ever for her.
She’s feisty, even though in this case she’s dead wrong, but she’s a girl who’s not afraid to argue her point, even if it is nonsense.
“If I didn’t know any better,” I counter her argument. “I’d say you sound like someone who’s trying to talk herself out of this,” I tell her.
“Out of what?” she asks, giving me the perfect opportunity to tell her exactly how I feel.
“Out of the best weekend of your life. Maybe even more than just a weekend,” I add. Giving her an intense look that I only hope conveys just how I feel about her.
Chapter Nine
Lucy
It has to be some sort of setup, some kind of hidden camera thing, and I glance around looking for the moment when someone comes out to tell me I’ve been pranked.
Maybe it’s the waiter, or maybe it’s that manager?
But despite all my self-pity, my protests that an older handsome guy like Nathan could never go for a younger, thicker girl like me, I somehow know deep down that he’s telling me the truth.
I’ve always been the first person to tell myself how fat I am, how ugly or stupid, how clumsy I am.
I’m always the last person to say anything positive about myself, and here’s the most perfect man in the world, telling me…
What is he telling me?
That he wants me?
The look in his eyes is unmistakable, the touch of his hand on mine undeniable.
He’s an author, not an actor, and I’d defy anyone to pretend to be as sincere as he is right at this moment if they really didn’t mean it.
But it just makes no sense to me either.
He’s already had the media in our faces, and this dinner of ours will no doubt be all over the gossip columns by tomorrow.
I’d hate to think anything I say or do could cause problems for Nathan. His readership is already up in arms about his long standing character from his books getting all romantic, looking for love.
I had no idea it was maybe what the man himself was going through.
Maybe it’s a mid-life crisis type situation, I’ve heard that happens to men or women sometimes.
Although, my own dad has never seem troubled by the lack of romance in his life.
He’s always saying how much he prefers being single.
I stifle a groan at the thought of my dad and checking the time I see we have a while yet before he will be expecting me to call and check in like I promised.