‘You aren’t going home yet, not until I’ve apologised for the way I treated you the night we met. No wonder you couldn’t bear me to touch you! I must have hurt you deeply, and I don’t just mean physically.’
Helen looked at him dazedly. ‘You aren’t disgusted by what I’ve just told you?’
Leon frowned. ‘Don’t be so damned silly. You aren’t to blame for West’s insensitivity. He had no right to ruin you for every other man, make your heart and body frozen. God, what must you have felt like when I told you I wanted to be your lover!’ He gave her a sharp look. ‘I would still like to be that. But the thought of it frightens the hell out of you, doesn’t it?’
‘Yes,’ she admitted softly.
‘God, I could— Oh, hell!’ he muttered grimly. ‘I don’t know what to do about you, Helen. You’ve got me so I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. And I—I’m not used to denying myself a woman I want.’
‘You’re wasting your time with me.’ Her eyes were huge and troubled. ‘I can’t—I’m not able—I couldn’t let you touch me, not in that way,’ she shuddered.
‘Not in any way,’ he said forcefully. ‘Do you think I don’t know that? Do you think I don’t see you cringe away from me every time I come near you?’
‘It isn’t only you, Leon,’ she explained pleadingly.
‘I know that, it’s every man. It’s knowing that that’s stopping me exploding. I want you so much, Helen,’ he groaned. ‘I just can’t think rationally when you’re around.’
‘There’s nothing to think about. It’s as you said, I’m frozen, frozen and unfeeling.’
He shook his head, his eyes gentle. ‘You aren’t unfeeling, you’re just frightened—frightened of being hurt again. And I couldn’t guarantee that I wouldn’t hurt you. Hurting and loving are what life is all about. You’re only half alive if you can’t feel those emotions.’
‘I don’t want to feel those emotions!’
Leon sat down on the arm of her chair again, gently touching her pale cheek. ‘No, don’t flinch,’ he pleaded softly. ‘I just want to touch you, nothing else.’
It took all of her will-power to grit her teeth and sit still as his thumb slowly caressed her check, feeling no pleasure in his touch but trying not to show aversion.
‘I’d like to kiss you,’ he murmured throatily. ‘Don’t worry, I’m not going to, I just said I would like to. Making love isn’t like the animal pleasure Mike West took in you, it can be the most beautiful thing on earth, between the right people.’
‘I once called you an animal,’ Helen admitted almost guiltily.
His mouth tightened. ‘When?’
‘It was to Jenny.’ She licked her dry lips and looked up at him, her eyes deeply violet. ‘It was—after you—kissed me.’
‘I felt like an animal that night. I’m an arrogant devil,’ he said ruefully. ‘I don’t like receiving the brush-off, especially from someone I was instantly attracted to. I didn’t see how you could feel any different from the way I did, that you would want me too. When you accused me of wanting a cheap affair with you I saw red. I took your rejection as contempt and I wanted to induce some sort of response from you.’
‘It wasn’t contempt, Leon,’ she protested. ‘No, it definitely wasn’t contempt. I—I wish I could respond to you, I really do.’
Leon moved hurriedly away from her. ‘I could take that as an invitation—but I know it wasn’t. I’d like to show you what making love can really be like, like to take you step by step into my world of loving.’
‘No! Please—don’t ask that of me.’
‘I have to get you home, Helen,’ he said grimly, ‘before I make completely the wrong move. At the moment I think I’ve gained a little of your trust, as much as you’re willing to trust any man, and I could ruin all that if we don’t soon get out of here.’
She stood up in jerky movements. ‘I’m ready to leave now.’
Leon gave a bitter smile. ‘I thought you might be. Right, let’s go.’
‘I— Will you thank Max for me? It was a lovely meal.’
‘I’ll thank him,’ he said impatiently. ‘Wait here while I get your coat.’
Helen was shivering with reaction, finding it hard to believe she had actually told Leon all that, bared her soul to him in that way. He must be shaken by what she had told him, must feel some disgust towards her for the way Michael had treated her, and yet he wasn’t showing it. But she doubted she would see him again after this evening.
Why should he bother with someone like her, someone who had a hang-up about sex? He had said he wanted to be her lover, he certainly didn’t want to wait around while she got over her complex. But it wasn’t just a complex, it was a deep-rooted loathing of anything physical between herself and a man.
Leon was very handsome, very charming, and she knew many women would be only too grateful for his attraction to them, but to her it meant nothing, a complication she didn’t need in her life. She just couldn’t involve herself with him.