“I do love him so, Momma.”
“That’s obvious.”
“I’m not sure if I can be faithful to him,” I blurted out. “In the long run, I mean.”
Momma started getting hyper again. “That’s bullshit. You’ve always been a good girl, Rayne. You’re not the type that would cheat. That’s my nature; not yours.”
I flailed my arms in the air in frustration and then landed them on my thighs. “Momma, you don’t know everything about me. Until a few minutes ago, you didn’t know I’d been with Ruiz.”
“Okay, I’ll give you that one,” she admitted. “Let me ask you this. Have you ever cheated on a man?”
Was she for real?
“Yes, Momma, I’ve cheated on a man.” She looked like a deer caught in headlights. “Don’t look so surprised. You always talked about the world of whoredom and all that shit. You always use the phrase ‘like father, like son.’ What about ‘like mother, like daughter’?”
“Aw, I get it. You won’t marry him because you’re afraid you’ll turn into me.”
I jumped up and exclaimed, “I’m afraid I’ve already turned into you!” She scooted up to the edge of the sofa but didn’t get up. I continued, “Ruiz was in town a couple of months ago and it was like we’d never been apart. That night we spent together seemed like it was the night before. He touched me and I was ready to sleep with him. We started making out on Chance’s sofa and if we’d been someplace else—anyplace else—there’s not a doubt in my mind that we would’ve done it.”
“But you didn’t do it, baby,” Momma stated reassuringly.
“Not because I didn’t want him.”
“Rayne, it was a mistake. That was months ago and you and Yardley have been going strong ever since. That man worships the ground you walk on. He stood up in front of everyone he knows in the world today and asked you to be his wife.”
“I understand that. No one has ever made me feel like him. I couldn’t ask for anything more.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
I’d never been so confused in my entire life. I’d relived that day at Chance’s apartment with Ruiz a thousand times. How easily I was prepared to give it up; even though Yardley was everything
I desired. I never wanted to hurt Yardley. I’d been hurt enough myself over the years. In the beginning, I had fears that he’d end up cheating on me with Roxie or whoever. Then I started fearing my own actions. I was convinced it was better to break it off and hurt him, instead of dragging it out indefinitely until the inevitable happened.
“Even though I get excited just thinking about him, I still almost cheated,” I told Momma.
“That’s the same way your father made me feel.”
Had she said what I thought she said?
“My father!” I glared at her. “You know who he is, don’t you?”
“I’ve always known.” Momma grabbed a toss pillow and clamped it to her chest. “I loved your father.”
She’d had a relationship with someone.
I was suddenly livid. “Why’d you let me think I was some cum spot gone awry?”
“Because it was for the best, at the time.”
“So who is he?” I demanded to know.
“He was Mathis Quiroga. Fine ass Mathis Quiroga,” she said in a barely audible tone.
“Mathis Quiroga,” I repeated. The name was familiar to me.
“Yes, the Mathis Quiroga.”
It dawned on me where I knew the name from. “The boxer?”