I spotted Boom eyeing us from across the room, pausing from finishing up the head of the sister in her chair. Her eyes narrowed and I thought, Oh, boy! I hope the two of them don’t rip each other’s throats out!
Suddenly, I was regretting bringing Momma. Certain personalities simply clash and I had the eerie feeling that Boom and Momma would end up exchanging words before the evening was over.
I was wrong. Boom and Momma were like twins; talking shit to one another and about practically everyone else in the shop, including me.
When Momma was sitting in Boom’s chair getting the finishing touches put on her hair, she said, “Boom, you know Rayne has this new man whose dick must be golden. Has she told you about him?”
Boom looked at me and laughed as I sat in the chair across from them waiting my turn. I’d finished under the dryer and still had curlers in my head.
“Rayne, what man is this?”
“His name’s Yardley, Boom,” I answered.
“He’s a chiropractor,” Momma added. “That means he cracks backs!”
They both enjoyed a laugh at my expense.
“Conquesto’s gonna be jealous as shit,” Boom said. “He’s still sweating you big time.”
“What the hell is a Conquesto?” Momma asked.
“He’s Boom’s brother,” I quickly replied, trying to key her in that she needed to chill on any negative remarks about Conquesto.
For once, Momma took the hint and switched up. “Yeah, that Yardley is a sexy motherfucker, too. So’s his daddy but he’s taken. Been married thirty-four years. Can you believe that shit?”
“No, hell no,” Boom said. “I like to spread my goodies around from time to time. I got a lot of old broads that come in here who’ve been married since they invented hourglasses but not moi. My coochie’s like a flower. It needs regular watering and fertilizing to keep it strong.”
Momma giggled. “You’re too much, Boom. I’m gonna have to get you down there to Alabama so you can hang out at the Eagle with me.”
“Oh, Lord,” I said. “Not the Eagle.”
“What’s the Eagle?” Boom asked.
“Trust me, Boom, it’s not your type of spot. It’s nothing more than a watering hole,” I assured her.
“That’s what I need,” she said. “I’ve got a hole and it needs watering, like I just said.”
“I know that’s right,” Momma agreed. “I’m telling you, that Alabama black snake is no joke. Some of the men down home will have you ready to move your ass and your shop down there.”
“Humph, funny how I never met any of them when I lived there.” I rolled my eyes and glanced at my watch. Yardley and I were going to catch a movie later that night and I didn’t want to be late. “Can you two hens cut down on the clucking and move it along a little faster?”
Momma held her hand up, trying to shield me from her comment but speaking loud enough for half the salon to hear. “Don’t mind her. She thinks she’s a diva or some shit, now that she’s all in love.”
“I never told you I was in love with Yardley, Momma.”
“You didn’t have to tell me, baby. It’s written all over your face. I don’t know what the hell happened on Valentine’s Day but it must’ve been all that and then some.”
“Ooh, what did you do for Valentine’s Day, Rayne?” Boom asked.
“We went out to dinner.”
“And?”
“And then they fucked!” Momma yelled out. “They did some serious fucking!”
“Were you in the room, Momma?” I asked sarcastically.
“No, you deserted my ass in your shithole and you damn well know it.”