Sally hurried away gladly, along the dimly lit hall to reach her mother’s ground-floor apartment.
At the door, she nodded and then pushed her way inside. “You sent for me, Mama?”
Her mother glanced up from her writing table and the papers she had been reading and smiled. Swathed in lace and white muslin tonight, she appeared adorably pretty and ready for bed. “At last,” she remarked in an exasperated tone.
Sally crossed the room and kissed her mother’s cheek. “You always say that.”
“And I always mean it.” Her mother set aside her work. “I miss you the moment you walk out of the room. I will miss you even more when you marry that man.”
Sally twisted her engagement ring on her finger. “I have always wanted to marry.”
“True. When you were a girl you used to speak of what your life would be like. The color of your drawing room, the number of guests you could seat at your dining table. You always wanted a blue bedchamber like this one. You made an early start on preparing me for the loss of your company one day.”
“Was I really so fixated as all that? I do not remember saying any of it.” She thought a moment. “I will still have a blue drawing room and seat sixteen for a dinner party in London. Not a body more or less. There is something to be said for an intimate gathering of friends and family.”
“Those were a girl’s dreams from one who hasn’t the faintest inkling of what marriage will really be about. From what I heard tonight, you might not have a choice in anything so long as Lady Ellicott rules the roost.” Her mother frowned down at her robe, pleating a fold of fabric nervously. “Your future mother-in-law has ideas of her own about the sort of impression her family must make for their guests. She has made it very clear that you will be expected to behave as she wishes.”
“I am hoping to bring her around to my way of thinking.”
“Are you certain you can? You have not been yourself around them. I understand why, but I do not like to see it because you appear so very miserable around her and him.” She sighed deeply. “I wish you all the luck in the world, you know that. I want you to marry and have children. To have a man to spoil you as you deserve and the protection of his name. When a woman gets to a certain age, she becomes set in her ways. She either likes to sleep late or rise early. Treats her servants well or not. Believes in love, scorns it, or accepts that love is for the very lucky. You believe in love.”
Sally took her mother’s hand. “I love you.”
“I love you too, but I am not loved in return. Not by the man who should have cared for me.” With a little toss of her head, Mama’s smile returned. “Your father has his amours and ignores me. I have had a long time to accept that, and I doubt he will suddenly decide he loves me at our advanced age.”
Sally considered her mother, then decided she would never have a better moment to ask a question that had been on her mind of late. “Mama, how could you have had six children with a man who does not love you?”
“Stubbornness.” Her mother looked away. “Each time, I prayed a child would bring us closer, but it did not. When your sister Mary was taken away from us so young, just barely out in society, your father never came to me again. He took her death as a sign that our marriage was over, and I have been alone ever since.”
Years without a husband’s, albeit fleeting, affection. “Oh Mama, Mary would never have wanted to be the cause of your pain. She had her own troubles.”
“I wish I had known of them before it was too late to save her life.” Her mother sniffed. “Do not pity me, Sally. I went into my marriage with my eyes wide open, and I gained so much despite your father. I gained you and your brothers and sisters to love. A home and extended family to protect me. I am really very lucky in my life.”
“Except for Father.”
Her mother nodded. “I want so much for you to have a good life.”
“I do too.”
“And you love Ellicott?”
Sally swallowed a lump in her throat. “I could.”
“That is what I said to myself when I was young.” Her mother’s hand tightened on hers. “If you have any doubts, do not marry Ellicott. Better to be married for love than never experience it.”
Sally chewed her bottom lip. “I loved once.”
“Felix?”
Sally nodded and stood, turning her back to her mother and the uncomfortable truth. “And he left me.”
“He did.” Her mother joined her at the window and put a comforting arm around her back. “And he will leave again to further his ambitions for glory and greater wealth. Did you ever wonder what he wanted it all for? Success and a fortune? He has not used any of it to better his situation. From what I can tell, he owns little more than his possessions aboard his ship.”
Sally sighed. “So it seems.”
“On the surface, your father married me for exactly the same reason you feel Felix wanted you. Connections to increase his standing in society and my hefty dowry to better his life.” She laughed. “I was described as an incomparable in my day. Pretty enough to turn heads, accomplished, and with a fortune not to be sneezed at. I could have picked anyone at all to marry. I chose with my head rather than my heart.”
Sally was doing the very same thing. “Why did you pick Father if you knew he did not care for you?”