Sally walked into the darkest corner and set her h
and over her churning stomach.
Too tall, too handsome, and too distracting in his naval dress uniform, just as he had been all those years ago when she had been swayed by his charm. She had not quite recovered her composure after their altercation in the garden earlier. Arianna had insisted on talking, so they had escaped to the terrace before Lady Ellicott over heard their conversation.
“Well, I must say your description of his looks fell far short of the mark. It is always the handsome devils that bring a lady’s emotions undone,” Arianna exclaimed as she adjusted her gloves higher up her slender arms. The countess paused a moment and then smiled broadly. “I cannot bear the sight of him of course, but my word, his arrival is perfectly timed.”
Sally frowned, thinking his arrival could not have come at a worse time. Ellicott had no idea she had been engaged before. No one outside the family and a few trusted servants did. And Arianna, of course. She knew how far Sally had fallen in embarrassing detail. “I do not understand why you would think that.”
Having Felix at Newberry Park was terribly timed as far as she was concerned. She had moved on; she had accepted Lord Ellicott’s hand in marriage. She would be a bride soon. A wife. A countess.
It was cruel to be forced to remember, to face again the man you almost married, especially on the cusp of her wedding another.
“But surely you knew he had been invited. How sly of you to surprise me, though I do wish you had mentioned him earlier.” Arianna rubbed her hands together as she paced. “We would have had time to confer and put together a plan to put him in his place at last. After the pain he put you through, he deserves a thorough setdown.”
Sally rubbed her arms, chilled by Arianna’s glee at seeing Felix in their midst. She had just given him a perfectly good setdown and felt no better for it. Arianna knew all about his attempt to use her to gain command of his own ship. The fact he had still been promoted despite their broken engagement had caused her to scream and rage to her in the privacy of her parlor when she had learned of it. “I would rather not be reminded of the past.”
“He shall not get away with hurting you a day longer. He must be made to suffer as you have suffered in silence.” Arianna leaned close and whispered, “If you ask me, your marriage to Lord Ellicott is just the thing to make him regret his entire existence. Having him forced to watch you find happiness with a better man, and an earl besides, ranks as the best choice for revenge, although that should only be our first step.”
Could she hurt him as he had hurt her? He deserved to be punished for the fool he had made of her, but she truly doubted the past troubled him. With or without her hand in marriage, he had somehow kept his promotion and his ship. He had done very well without her. “Grandfather does not want the marriage to be acknowledged until Ellicott returns in a few days.”
“Well…” Arianna glanced around swiftly. “Then someone will have to make sure the captain has heard of it before morning comes, don’t you think? That should do to begin with.”
“No. I will not use my marriage to Ellicott that way,” Sally insisted. “One has nothing to do with the other. It was a long time ago, and I am well over the disappointment. Promise me you will not stir up trouble.”
She was over the disappointment, but not the longing to change the past. The loss of her innocence, the damage done to her heart and trust, those could never be fully repaired.
“I promise, and I do understand. I do not like to be reminded of my husband, and we live in the same house a quarter of the year. Oh, if only he would stay away I could pretend I was a widow very happily.” Arianna laughed, then peered at Sally. “So you are over him entirely?”
“Of course I am. It has been six years since we have met. It was just a shock seeing him today after so much time has passed, but now the surprise has ended,” she said, but truthfully the shock had not left her. It had subsided enough to allow her to think and see how she must act. She needed to ignore Felix and deal honestly with Ellicott from now on.
“Well, I must say I am glad. I would not have you hurt again. Let us speak no more of what he did.” Arianna faced the drawing room, her gaze speculative. She lifted her fingers to her hair, and twirled an artfully fallen lock around her finger. “I will find another way to get under his skin.”
In the drawing room beyond the terrace, the gentlemen were returning from the dining room. Her father and Ellicott were jolly tonight, teasing the women as they burst through the doors, laughing as they found seats to claim for another long evening. Laughter was a rare thing in these troubled times, and she was pleased to see so many were lifted in spirits thanks to her happy news.
Ellicott went to his mother first, as usual, to see if her teacup needed refilling, and when that was done he peered around the room as if looking for someone. For her? As his intended, should she have rushed inside to greet him and let him refill her own teacup? Sally needed a moment longer alone. Something held her back from happiness. Something that had nothing to do with Ellicott’s nature but her own fickle emotions.
The earl was a good man, kind to his mother in a way many lords of his age often were not. A man she could learn to love the way she had once loved Felix given enough time. She shook her head quickly, annoyed to have that wretched man feature in her thoughts again. “Where is Duckworth, by the way? I have not seen him in months.”
Arianna shrugged. “Oh, he is probably tucked away with his latest mistress in that little hovel he keeps for them in London.”
“How do you bear it?”
“Easily.” Arianna faced her, her expression puzzled. “I am not in love with him, and he does not love me either. As long as he does not interfere too much with our children, I am content enough for him to do as he pleases. Lofton Downs is as much my home as his now.”
“Don’t you ever wish for his love?”
“I did once. Before our children were born, we spent more time together, but that ended when our second son came along. I learned he did not really need me, and accepting that as a fact made all the difference to our relationship. So few women find what they need in marriage these days that I am not alarmed by the lack of his attention. But enough of me.” Arianna frowned at her. “You do not love Ellicott, and do not bother to deny it because I have known you long enough to see the truth in your eyes, so you will understand the advantages.”
“I want to love him,” Sally whispered, meaning every word. “And I will one day.”
“He is a fine man as far as it goes. When you have been married for a while, you will appreciate the freedom a marriage built on mutual respect grants you. No possessiveness, no jealousy.” Arianna smiled brightly. “Without love in a marriage, all those foolish emotions remain at bay, and a woman can concentrate on what matters most. Enjoying her own life and her own interests without interruption.”
She shook her head sadly at the picture Arianna painted. “No happy moments together? None at all?”
Arianna put her arm around her shoulder and squeezed. “The best day I ever experienced as Duckworth’s wife was the day our first son came into the world. We might even have kissed to celebrate the happy event now I think on it.”
That did not seem enough to Sally. To live without the love of a man you were bound to for the rest of her life seemed a waste. She had to try harder to fall for Lord Ellicott. Starting tonight, she would make him the center of her world. “I should go in and join him.”