“A pity. I miss that impulsive young woman.” He met her gaze as they walked along. “Everyone makes bad decisions and can be forgiven. Sometimes you do not even have to say the apology to convey that you are very sorry indeed for a grievous mistake. Think on that tonight.”
He led her into the drawing room where the other women of her family waited and took a chair nearest the doors without another word. The other men were still taking port, so Uncle George lapped up the attention of her mother and aunt as was his due as the only gentleman in the room.
Sally thought long and hard about his advice. In her endeavors to act a lady, had she been too good at it and lost something of herself in the bargain? She had tried to be so well behaved until Felix’s arrival had loosened her tongue. The contrast was striking. She rubbed her temple as she took a chair.
She had been so very aware that everything she did in the past years reflected on her character and her sister’s good reputation. She had been determined to hide her fiery nature from everyone, believing at heart that with her past behavior she had set herself up for disappointment.
And yet one moment alone with Felix and she was right back where she started, wearing her heart on her sleeve, demanding her voice be listened to. Her emotions had been barely contained as they flowed from her along with her harsh words.
Ellicott had no idea who she was. She was not going to be the perfect bride he might expect on their wedding night, and she realized she had to reveal some of her true nature to him soon. She also had to tell him about Felix before someone else mentioned her former betrothal. She did not want to embarrass Ellicott, but she also did not want to lose his good opinion.
A daunting precipice to negotiate. Unfortunately, she had no notion of how to reveal her sad history to her future husband without appearing shockingly fast.
But what could Ellicott say about it now that the date was set?
He might wish to call off their engagement, but only a woman could do that. Her reasons for marrying were still the same. She wanted a home, and one day she wanted children.
Sally bit her lip and glanced around. Everyone said she could not do better than Ellicott at her age, and they might be right. But if Ellicott was the right man, surely he would understand she was only human and had made mistakes.
But the small voice inside her heart that had waited six years in vain for Felix to come back to her laughed. The
hope that refused to lie down and die no matter how much she tried or how good she acted rejoiced. She had enjoyed arguing with Felix in the dark garden.
She had relished the fact that she had spoken her mind and he had not been shocked or offended. It had felt good to let loose her emotions with him.
Liberating.
She could have the future she wanted with Ellicott only if she could find a way to be herself more often and not lose his good opinion by the end.
Chapter Eight
The one bright star on his horizon that always led him back to England had been Sally.
And Sally had made it abundantly clear she did not want him anymore.
Felix did not need to be fired upon to know the battle was lost. All he needed to do now was to make a graceful exit and try to forget her. That he had not in the past six years did not bode well for his future success. He would try as he had always tried to no avail before.
If only the admiral would only let him go, he might have a chance to begin again.
If only he was not stuck here.
Felix glanced around the dining room where a thick pall of cigar smoke drifted over the heads of Lord Ellicott, Rutherford, and Admiral Templeton, who had remained gathered around the large mahogany dining table while he had walked the dark gardens.
The duke sat closest to the open door, engaged in a fierce debate with Lord Ellicott over taxes. Felix tried to follow along, but of course with no home of his own or property, he had little interest in or understanding of the complexities of the topic.
“A port, Captain?” Morgan asked as he stopped at Felix’s elbow.
“Never touch the stuff. Whiskey, please.”
He supposed one day he would have to learn to live upon the land, manage a house and servants, and pay unfamiliar taxes. He would probably run aground at first while he found his bearing, but he would survive. He always did somehow.
It occurred to him he had no real notion of what he would do with himself when his naval career ended and a victory against France was assured. He had always thought that somehow Sally and the Fords would be part of his life. Since that was not to be the case now, he had better consider his options.
He took his drink and stood back to observe the gathering. Lord Ellicott had moved on from the injustice of the tax laws for landed gentry but seemed able to talk on almost any subject to the point where Felix could not remember what the starting point had been. Owning a home and land sounded damned annoying and time consuming. Not to mention utterly boring.
Perhaps I will live in town. An apartment might best suit a bachelor.
Jennings seemed to like London living although he spent most of his nights inebriated.