“No,” she said, resigned. “It’s a good idea. We don’t have a lot of time. Better now than later.”
He exhaled, hating the sound of that. Suddenly there didn’t seem to be enough time for any of this—for Sophia to get to know Zach, for Zach to understand Sophia, or for Zach and Tessa to figure out what was happening between them. And that didn’t take into account all the decisions, very big decisions, they had to make. Time suddenly felt like it was sliding through his fingers.
“We didn’t…” Tessa stumbled on her words, hesitating to the point that Sophia looked up at her. “I mean, we didn’t know who, or where…” She faltered again and cast an embarrassed look at him. “Sorry. I obviously didn’t have this very well planned out.”
He reached across the table, covered her hand, and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Sure you’re a lawyer?”
She laughed and dropped her head.
“Is it okay if I try?” he asked. “I mean, you’ve been doing all the heavy lifting up until now.”
With a sigh, she rested her head in her free hand. “Be my guest.”
He cut a look at Sophia, who was focused on coloring, then back to Tessa, and whispered, “I can’t, like, really mess her up or anything, right?”
She laughed. “From this? No.”
He nodded and looked at Sophia again. “Hey, Sophia.”
“Hmm?” she looked up and pushed a curl out of her eyes.
“What your mom was trying to say is that…” His voice caught and threw him off balance. That had never happened before. He pushed through the fear and tried again. “That I’m your dad.”
The news had no effect on Sophia. She gave him that flat, lost look people got when someone was speaking a foreign language they didn’t understand. Even though Tessa had prepared him for that possibility, the actuality still hit him like a board in the chest.
“Mommy didn’t know where I was for a while,” he went on, “but she found me, and we want you to know that you have a dad too.”
Her head tilted a little, and a spark lit her eyes. She looked at Tessa. “I have a daddy?”
Tessa’s smile wobbled a little. “You do. Zach is your daddy.”
A visible shot of excitement straightened Sophia’s spine, as if she was just now getting the message. She looked at Zach. “Are you going to live with us?”
Oh, shit. He hadn’t expected that. His gaze darted to Tessa, who didn’t look surprised at all.
“No, sweetie,” she said.
Twirling her crayon, Sophia said, “But Megan’s daddy lives with her. And Taylor’s daddy lives with her.” She looked at Zach. “Can you live with me? We can color and play in the ocean.” She gasped, looked at Tessa, and lowered her voice. “Can I paint Daddy’s nails?”
Zach burst out laughing and rubbed a hand over his face. “This isn’t how I saw this conversation going.”
“Kids are good like that,” Tessa said, sliding a hand over Sophia’s soft hair. “Always a challenge.” She turned to Sophia. “No, sweetie, he’s not going to live with us. He lives here, and we live somewhere else. Like Tara’s mommy and daddy.”
“Why can’t we live here?” Sophia’s brow furrowed, and her expression darkened with an edge of belligerence. “I like it here. It’s not cold. I don’t have to wear jackets. I spend more time with you and play in the ocean.”
Tessa seemed to pale right in front of Zach’s eyes.
He rested his elbow on the table and held his head up with his fingers at his temple. When Tessa’s gaze darted to his, he said, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have started this.”
Her mouth flickered into a smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes before she returned her attention to Sophia. “It is nice here,” she said. “And we’ll come back and visit. But we can’t live here.”
Come back and visit.
That idea left Zach wholly unsatisfied and more than a little edgy. The occasional visit didn’t fit into his vision of being a father—a vision he hadn’t even realized he had until this very second.
Sophia turned her attention to the coloring page, a full-blown pout on her adorable face. “I’m hungry.”