I pocket my phone and tune in to my body, which is sore and sated, both a direct result of Xavier. My hand rises to touch the three circles of the necklace he gave me, and I smile. He’s even more amazing than I already knew, and I’m well on my way to falling head over heels for him.
KT and Laiyla have suspected, but I’ve never told them exactly how hard I’ve been crushing on him. Who would admit something like that when the guy you’re crazy about is dating all over town? It’s always been safer to categorize my feelings for Xavier as friendship, because that kind of relationship fits easily into my broken world.
But from where I stand now, looking back…I can’t lie to myself anymore. I’ve been in love with him for a long damn time. And admitting that feels a lot like parachuting when you’re afraid the chute won’t open.
I have to admit that the insight I got from Laiyla about dealing with Levi’s ex’s and KT about her previous player tendencies gave me a whole different perspective. Maybe, like KT, Xavier just never stayed with one woman because he hadn’t found the best fit, or because it wasn’t the right time or place.
The real possibility that I might be the right fit for Xavier makes me smile so big, my cheeks hurt, and I let out a giggle.
As I approach the market, I say hello to the retreat attendees. On the patio, I see Bodhi talking with a group, but continue toward the front door.
“Chloe?”
My feet stop, my eyes close. Dammit. The joy I was feeling just seconds ago drains, and apprehension fills the space.
I release a breath and turn. Bodhi’s wandering toward me, hands in his shorts pockets. His smile is…authentic, I decide. Half real, half guarded.
“Hi,” he says.
“Hi. Did you need something?”
He shakes his head and looks at the ground before meeting my gaze again. “I need to tell you—again—that I’m sorry. Sorry for what happened in the past and sorry about how I came for this retreat, without giving you a heads-up. I was definitely leaning too heavily on ego, sure you’d be glad to see me.”
I step aside to let a few women into the market. “I’ve found myself leaning a little too heavily on ego lately as well.”
“I sincerely hope you’ll accept my apology and maybe someday find a way to forgive me.”
I think about all the good in my life—Laiyla, KT, Levi, Ben, the girls, my studio, my students, my purpose, my peace, and, of course, Xavier. Who the hell am I to be angry about something in the past when that past led me to such a perfect present and promising future?
“You’re forgiven.” The offering lifts an invisible weight from my chest and lets me breathe easier. The tension in my shoulders and chest dissolves. “I wish you the best.”
His smile is filled with as much gratitude as his body language, and I step in and hug him. He hugs me back.
“I didn’t realize how badly I needed this,” he says with tears in his voice. “Your forgiveness is precious to me.” When I pull away, he lets me go easily, and I find his blue eyes glistening. “Thank you.”
I’m grateful as well. Who knows how long it would have taken me to let go of the past if I wasn’t forced to face it? Who knows if I would ever have found a way to grab hold of Xavier?
When Bodhi heads off toward the conference center, I watch him go, deeply relieved that all that heartache and turmoil is in my past.
I catch sight of someone who looks startlingly like Willow turn the corner of the building toward the back of the market. But Willow doesn’t have any reason to be here—unless she’s here to see Piper.
As the crowd flows toward the conference center and the patio grows quiet, I look into the market and find Jackie Jones at the register.
“Well, hi there,” Jackie says. “Are you looking for your caffeine fix?” She points toward the storage room in the back. “We just got a fresh shipment of your kombucha too. Piper’s restocking.”
I smile. “Thanks.”
Instead of heading that direction through the store, I follow Willow’s route. And as I get close to the back entrance, I hear hushed voices—Willow and Piper arguing.
“I can’t do this,” Piper says. “It’s stupid anyway.”
“Chill out, girl,” Willow says. “This is nothing.”
“It’s not nothing.”
“Fine, forget it,” Willow says. “I knew you were a loser. Just give it to me and we’ll call it quits, which would be stupid when you’re so close to being finished.”
I step around the corner in time to see Piper hand something to Willow. I move closer, my gaze glued to a small ziplock bag of some sort in Willow’s hand. She and Piper see me, and Willow slides whatever Piper gave her into the back pocket of cutoff shorts that barely cover her ass.