“I really do love you, you know?” The declaration comes more easily than it ever has in the past. “You’re special. You’ve always been special. You’re sweet and feisty and smart. You have so much going for you, it kills me to see you risk throwing away all you could do and be just to hang out with shitty friends.”
“Shitty friends are better than no friends.”
The loneliness I know she’s been suffering permeates the sentiment. “There’s got to be other people at school you could hang out with.”
“You so don’t get it.”
“Then explain it to me. I want to understand.”
“Everyone already has someone. The rich and beautiful kids have a popular clique. The smart kids have an AP clique. The sports kids have a jock clique. The nice kids have an impenetrable besties clique going back to fucking kindergarten.”
I let the curse pass.
“I have no one. And I don’t even have Mom.” She gestures to the empty house. “No one gives a shit about me.”
“Hello,” I say, holding my arms out.
“You’re only here because you made Dad a promise.”
“Yeah, I made your dad a promise, but even if I hadn’t, I would be here. I’ve loved you since the first time you beat me at Candyland.”
“You really sucked at that game.”
“It was all those slides and ladders. They let you take short cuts. That’s bullshit.”
She laughs. Real laughter that pushes away some of the darkness hovering between us. “That’s Chutes and Ladders. You sucked at that game too.”
I sigh. “Have you eaten? Because I haven’t, and I don’t suck at grilled cheese.”
“
Good luck finding anything in the fridge.”
A thread of anger weaves through my chest, but I tamp it down. I need to stay focused and positive for Piper. Karen is another matter. “The store’s just down the road, and it’s a nice night for a walk.”
Piper sighs. “If you make me walk all the way to the market and back, you’d better buy me ice cream.”
I smile, reach across the distance separating us, grab her arm, and pull her into a hug. I hold her tight, even as she pretends to choke. “I love you, kid.”
9
Chloe
In the warm, dark space, I tiptoe on bare feet between my students, where they lie in savasana after their relaxation yoga experience, one designed to stretch their muscles and bring them into a peaceful state to facilitate sleep. The night air blows gently through the open doors and windows, helping bring down the temperature on what turned out to be an unseasonably hot day.
I pause beside each person to place a drop of lavender oil on their inner wrist while offering my last thought for the night in a voice that floats softly in the full but silent room.
“I’d like you to consider that there are two distinct parts of yourselves—ego and spirit. Lately, I’ve been struggling to quiet my ego so I can better hear the spirit of my heart.”
I pause, dab two more wrists, and move on. “Wherever you crave recognition in life—as a valuable employee, for example, or a successful entrepreneur or a talented artist or a perfect mom—that is your ego talking. The ego is a powerful force that tempts you to ignore the spiritual nature of your heart. The ego wants you to do whatever it takes to bring about status or prestige. The heart wants you to be happy.”
I pause for more dabs, allowing my words to sink in and stick. There is no better way for that to happen than in silence.
“Where the ego bellows, the spirit whispers, and in those whispers, you will find the inspiration for true happiness, authentic success, and meaningful prosperity.”
I finish tapping the wrist of every student with lavender oil, return to the front of the room, and take the lotus position on my mat, letting several more silent moments pass.
“Slowly make your way into lotus,” I direct, feeling the calmest and most grounded I’ve felt in weeks.