Xavier plants a hand against his chest. “Ouch.”
I can tell by his expression he’s only playing hurt, but the barb exposes my weaknesses. “I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”
“Pffft,” KT says. “That’s nicer than what I would have said.”
Xavier frowns playfully at KT and gestures to himself, shoulders to toes. “Don’t disrespect the law, Rivers. There will be hell to pay.”
Laiyla laughs.
“It’s only ten days,” KT tells me. “And half the town already thinks you two are sleeping together anyway.”
My arms drop right along with my jaw. “What?” I turn a scowl on Xavier. “What did you—”
“Not me,” he says, hands up in surrender. “I didn’t say anything to anyone.” He hooks his hands in the neck of his body armor and grins. “Though I might have mentioned what I’d like to—”
“Not helpful,” KT says with a don’t-make-it-worse scowl for Xavier. “My point is, locals won’t think twice when they see you two together.”
The room goes silent for several long, uncomfortable moments. I don’t care what people in town think, but I am concerned about my reputation as a spiritual teacher.
Xavier extends his hand again.
“I hate this,” I say. “I hate all of this. It goes against everything I stand for—independence, success on my own terms, finding happiness without a man.”
Xavier only nods as if he understands and uses his hand to make a “come here” gesture.
If this was all about me, I’d make some very different decisions. But it’s not. It’s about doing the tough stuff to honor my responsibilities, about taking care of my friends and my students. Taking Xavier’s hand now will give me time to get in touch with my better self and find a civilized way to deal with Bodhi so I don’t tank our first retreat.
I grit my teeth and grudgingly take Xavier’s hand. His smile is quick and sweet, and a tingle courses through my stomach, urging me to reiterate, “This. Is. Only. Pretend.”
He pulls me close and wraps his free arm around my waist. The move is effortless, his body warm and strong. And yeah, I melt a little—at his commitment to our friendship, his willingness to help me out, the fact that he’d play this stupid game just to keep my life intact.
He releases my hand and brushes my hair over my shoulder, his gaze following the motion with a softness I’ve only ever seen when he’s playing with Ben’s girls. “This is just a friend helping out a friend, and I believe I owe you one.”
“Grab one of the schedules,” Laiyla says. “Cross your name off the events you want to skip, then take a picture and send it to me. I’ll fix it tonight.”
“I can do it,” I tell Laiyla, turning to face her. “I’m the one making the mess, I can clean up.”
“You need to put the books in the tote bags,” KT says. “I’ll stay here with Ben and the girls and be the face of the resort.”
“All settled.” Xavier wraps his arms around me from behind and rests his chin on my shoulder. “Ready to get out of here?”
From the frying pan into the fire.
“Yeah,” I tell Xavier, who’s body is currently making mine sing a tune I haven’t heard in a long damn time. I glance over my shoulder. “But—”
“It’s all pretend. I heard you.”
Xavier’s hand feels big and strong around mine, but not exactly safe. I’m now caught between choosing the lesser of two evils—a man I want nothing to do with, and a man I should want nothing to do with.
On the way out, I look right past Bodhi as if he’s invisible. Xavier and I are stopped several times by fans asking for me to sign copies of my book they brought from home. I welcome the opportunity to get a break from Xavier’s touch—only I don’t. His hand slides up my back and beneath my hair, coming to rest on the back of my neck, where his thumb continues to stroke my skin.
A pretty woman in her fifties offers me a copy of Manifesting Daily Miracles. “Can you sign it to Cindy, please?”
“Of course.” My hand flows with my note and signature. “Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy the conference.”
“Thank you.” She takes the book and pen back. “I have to admit, after hearing the rumors about Bodhi’s womanizing, I almost didn’t come. I don’t want to support that kind of behavior. But then I heard how he was starting fresh under his given name, becoming vulnerable about his past, and thought I could really learn something new here. Besides, I’d only be spiting myself if I didn’t come because, for better or worse, he’s an incredible speaker and teacher. He’s also made some big changes since you two broke up. I’m hoping they stick.”
This only confirms my fear of still being linked to Bodhi, and I’m curious about these changes when I shouldn’t be. “I’m impressed with your open-minded approach.”