Chamuel, you dirty little bastard.
Repressed anger surges. It’s completely unexpected and uncontrollable, and I’m hit with the realization that all the strides I’ve made over the last year have been blown to hell by nothing but the sight of him.
“Wow,” he says, voice soft and reverent, “you’re even more beautiful than the last time I saw you.”
“You mean the night I caught you practicing every position in the kama sutra with a groupie half your age?”
The words flow quicker, stronger, and more confident than I could ever have planned. I’m momentarily proud of myself, but that moment passes instantly, because there’s a knife in my heart, and I’m bleeding. Badly. All the anger and hurt I was sure I’d dealt with and dissolved creep out of the shadows and attack.
“I admit,” he says, “I made my share of mistakes.”
In truth, his only mistakes related to sleeping with other women. Aside from that, he was an amazing partner—thoughtful, giving, loving, wise. Bodhi showed me a kind of love I’d never experienced before—complete and unconditional. But then he ruined it all.
Pain eats through my chest like Pac-Man, taking chunks out of my heart and soul on the path. “What are you doing here? You of all people should have more respect than to hijack a retreat.” I take a slow deep breath, preparing for what I know I need to say even though a part of me wants him to stay. “I’m sorry, but you’re not welcome here. You have to leave. I’ll see that your conference fees are refunded.”
He makes a face, half smiling, half chagrined, and lifts his hand to scratch the back of his head. His hair was always prematurely gray at the temples, but now silver threads through the brown strands. Even after not seeing him for over a year, the gesture tells me exactly what’s coming next—something I won’t like.
I can’t believe he’s standing right here, in front of me. It’s surreal.
“I’m not attending the conference, Chloe.” He drops his hand and meets my gaze. “I’m holding it.”
My eyes narrow, and my mind darts back to the list of attendees and speakers. “I’m managing this retreat, and your name wasn’t anywhere on the list.”
“I had my retreat coordinator book the facility using my company name. Otherwise, I was afraid you would have turned the booking down.”
Fury bursts through me like a volcanic eruption. Awful, hurtful, nasty things try to fly from my mouth, but I manage to keep them inside. That’s not who I am, nor is it who I want to be. I didn’t work all this time to simply revert to the woman he cheated on. And now, I have other people depending on me to live up to my responsibilities. People who matter.
“I’ve missed you.” There is so much sincerity in his voice, his expression, I almost believe him. “I know I messed up. I take full responsibility. I was devastated when you left. Losing you was a wake-up call for me. From the moment you walked away, I’ve been looking inside myself, searching for the wounds that caused me to seek validation in other people, working on myself from the day you left. I’m not perfect, we both know that, but I know when I’m wrong, and I’ve never been as wrong as I was to hurt you.”
My heart is throbbing in my throat. Pain sears the inside of my chest. I can’t count the number of times I’ve played out this exact scenario in my fantasies. But those ended a long time ago, after I accepted Bodhi as a lesson, not the love of my life.
It’s easy to see why I fell so damn hard for him. He’s fifteen years older than me, but he’s sexy beyond measure. Physically, he’s still Ralph Lauren handsome with crystal-blue eyes, tanned skin, and a lean, muscular body. He’s mentally and emotionally intelligent and has charisma and charm to spare. But even beneath all that, I found a tender, damaged heart so much like my own. No one has ever understood me the way he once did.
But I’m not that woman anymore, in large part due to him. Why he was sent to me, what I have to learn from this is going to take more time and thought to decipher. All I can do is be me—the new me, the post-Bodhi me.
“I’ve done a lot of soul-searching and rebuilding in the last year too,” I tell him. “This is my future, and by booking this retreat without letting me know, you’ve, yet again, proven that my needs come second to yours. You haven’t changed a bit. You’re still the selfish, self-absorbed man I walked away from over a year ago.”
4
Xavier
The marina’s lot is packed with vehicles when I arrive, so I park the cruiser behind Chloe’s ancient Toyota Corolla. The woman has money, but she sure isn’t a fan of spending it. I figure that comes from her uncertain childhood. She really does impress the hell out of me.
I stand from the cruiser and stretch, scanning the group on the patio. I spot Laiyla and Levi and search for Chloe as I make my way that direction.
About thirty people are milling around the marina’s market, chatting. Levi did a bang-up job on the renovations of this place. His original plan estimated the project would take two years, but he made it happen in one.
He blew out the market and made it three times the original size, added a bar and grill and a patio overlooking the marina. The new conference center up the road can handle several hundred people in various-sized groups, and there are a number of outdoor wedding venues scattered around the property. Plus, of course, the five-star restaurant that also looks out over the lake, and they’ve been talking about leasing a large portion of the property to wineries for their vineyards.
The night is cool, and the lake is a serene expanse of darkness that always takes some stress out of my shoulders. The fact that I feel a deep sense of belonging here is another stress reliever. Since my mom died, quickly followed by my partner on the force, Keith, my only family has been Karen and Piper, Keith’s wife and daughter. Even though I followed them here to provide support for Piper, I’ve never really belonged with them. My friendships with Levi, Ben, Laiyla, KT, and Chloe have really given me the kind of roots I haven’t felt in a long time.
I catch sight of KT. She’s already looking my way, and her expression slows my steps. I glance at Laiyla and Levi, and their expressions also confirm stress. KT lifts her chin toward a corner of the patio near the back door of the market.
I stop walking and assess the pair standing there—Chloe and a man I don’t know. She’s uncharacteristically tense—arms crossed, shoulders stiff, expression pulled tight. My protective instinct flares hot.
I wander that direction, hoping to get a hint of the conversation so I can decide how to handle this.
I haven’t been able to stop fantasizing about the maybes of tonight all day. Maybe I can coax a kiss. Maybe I can get her to agree to go out with me. Maybe she’ll finally give in to the heat between us.