“I did some research on him,” KT says. “The ship gets boring when there aren’t any new hot guys to hunt. Fortunately, I didn’t have to be the one to break the bad news. Chloe figured it out first.”
“Turns out Bodhi believes you can gain enlightenment by colliding with twin flames,” Chloe says. “And by collide, I mean fuck, all at the same time. And, evidently, he’s got one hell of a lot of twin flames.”
I pull in a sharp breath. Bodhi was a self-proclaimed spiritual guru who had become a mentor to Chloe before transitioning into her lover. “Oh my God.”
“I let it go on way too long. While I was sermonizing to thousands about healthy boundaries, self-love and divine intervention, I allowed Bodhi’s cheating to continue while I practiced tolerance”—she air quoted the word—“as the spiritual course of action.”
My gaze darts between Chloe and KT. “I’m sorry, half of that sounded like Greek.”
“In English, I was a big fat hypocrite, living a big fat lie for way too long. Saying one thing to my tribe, who looked to me for enlightened guidance, while living the same damn life they all sought to escape—cheating men, demanding bosses, empty souls, toxic relationships, competition… I was the poster child for the adage ‘those who can, do, those who can’t, teach.’”
“Oh, honey,” I say, my stomach sinking. “I’m so sorry.”
She exhales hard and smiles. “I’m getting through it, returning to the basics, starting over. I cleansed my soul with silence and prayer in Tibet, and now I’m reconnecting with the people who bring joy to my existence. I’m also on a self-induced, as-of-yet-undetermined-length course of celibacy.”
“What?” KT says, her face comically shocked. “Now that’s just crazy talk.”
“What is a twin flame?” I ask again. “Is that like a soul mate or something?”
“Twin flames aren't about love,” KT says, “they're about truth. Meeting up with your twin flame is said to bring upheaval and revelations. Facing your twin flame is like facing yourself head-on, seeing all the good, all the bad, all the wounds. That could be beautiful, or it could be ugly.”
“In my case,” Chloe says, “it was ugly. Not exactly a surprise.”
Chloe had a pretty awful childhood—abandoned by her mother when she was a baby, abandoned by her father when he fell into the bottle, and abandoned by her two older sisters as soon as they were old enough to bail. So, yeah, I would assume confronting that kind of hurt in another person could cause all kinds of chaos in a heart.
“Often, twin flames are only together long enough to bring about personal change,” KT adds. “Twin flames aren't about finding your one perfect love. Soul mates are just that, lovers for life. Where soul mates are about deep, bonding love for life, twin flames are about connecting to shared pain and growing from that pain.”
Chloe nods in approval. “Well said.”
“For someone who doesn’t believe in this woo-woo stuff,” I say, using KT’s own words over the years, “you sure do know a lot about it.”
KT gestures toward Chloe with her wine. “I read her book. You know, in solidarity.”
Chloe laughs.
“Solidarity,” I say, “right.”
“So, what are your plans, now?” I ask Chloe.
“I have none. I did get a second book deal, and I’m thinking of writing about what I’m experiencing now. I think a lot of women are searching for meaning and healing outside themselves, which is great, but not if that’s the only place they’re searching. I’d like to teach women to go deeper inside themselves for answers. And I guess I’ll be taking the journey with them.”
“Wow,” I say. “Even though I have no clue what that means, I love the idea.”
KT starts giggling and can’t stop. And since we’re all drunk, we all dissolve into laughter.
When we reset, Chloe says, “Your turn, KT. Did you make it to every ocean?”
“I must have been brain dead from my near-death experience when I made that goal, because, of course, there are only five oceans in the world. Not exactly a stretch when I travel oceans for a living. So, I changed that goal to every ocean and every sea.”
“And?” I ask.
“And there are only seven seas. So, I dived every ocean and every sea”—she gets a self-deprecating grin on her face—“three times over.”
We all laugh.
“And now what does the overachiever dream about?” Chloe asks.
She closes her eyes and gets a wistful look. “Being alone is sounding really delicious to me right now.” She opens her eyes. “I’ve been living in the midst of thousands of people, day in and day out for a decade. I’m ready to have my own space.”