His cheeks reddened. “No, it’s okay,” he said. “I haven’t been fair to you, Jamie. I know that. You deserve an explanation.”
Jamie stared at the floor. She really wished she hadn’t said anything. She didn’t think she wanted to know. She didn’t want to hear him say that she wasn’t worth his time.
“I don’t deserve you,” he said. “Truly. Jamie, I’ve never been in a real relationship. Not one that was equal or committed. Emotional attachments are complicated for me…” He shook his head. “You deserve better than that, Jamie. You deserve so much better than a workaholic who can’t do much more than provide material goods. And it’s been incredibly wrong of me to play with your heart like I have been, and there truly is no excuse for it.” She saw the regret in his eyes as well as the longing and anguish. “You deserve someone who can actually take care of you.”
The elevator opened and Alex quickly turned and walked out before she could even say anything. She wanted to tell him he was wrong. He had done so much more for her than anyone else had and he sure as hell wasn’t a bad guy. She went to her desk, uncertain. It was so obvious to her that everything he had just said simply wasn’t true. He was making excuses. Would it kill him to be straightforward with me and tell me he just doesn’t like me that way? She turned to her work, slightly annoyed. More than anything, she wanted to believe Alex’s story, but she knew it was bullshit.
There was no way Alex Reid was unsure about himself. And there was no way in hell he couldn’t be a good partner to someone he really cared for.
Chapter 16
By the time she finished for the day, Jamie had worked herself into a rage thinking about Alex. Why the hell was he giving her bullshit excuses? Did he think she was too delicate to handle the truth? Screw him! She deserved to have something great and if he couldn’t see she was something amazing for him, he could kiss her arse!
She headed into the parking garage and stomped toward her car.
Alex was there, about to get into his. He looked up and his eyes widened when he saw her marching toward him.
Before he could say anything she slapped him across the face. “You son of a bitch!” She shook her hand from the sting vibrating off it. “How dare you make up a bullshit excuse like that! If you don’t want me, fine! Then say that! Don’t say that I deserve better and you’re not capable of love because we both know that’s not true. You seriously are a fucking asshole, you know that? You’re no better than Stephen.” She turned to walk away and spun around again. “You were right about one thing: you never should have played with my heart because now I’m in love with you and there’s nothing I can do about it! What is wrong with you? Do you get some kick out of ripping women’s hearts out and stomping on them? Damn it, Alex. I hate you!”
He didn’t say anything, which just angered her more. Alex lifted his hand to the cheek she slapped. Redness formed in the shape of angry fingers against his skin. He rubbed it tenderly. “So, which is it Jamie? Do you love me? Or do you hate me? Make up your mind.”
Jamie snorted in disgust. She crossed her arms, refusing to answer him.
“I never denied the fact that I’m an asshole,” Alex said. “But I am not as bad as Stephen. I never kicked you out of your home or belittled your body like he did, and I certainly didn’t assault you.”
“You belittled me in a different way, you let me beg you to touch me and then said it was wrong after the fact.” Her voice cracked, and much to her mortification a tear slid down her cheek. Alex stepped forward as if to comfort her but Jamie flinched back and he stopped suddenly, raw pain in his eyes.
“I never meant to hurt you,” he said hoarsely. “I never did. Hell, Jamie, I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone in my entire life.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “But I meant it when I said I don’t deserve you. I could never deserve someone as generous and as sweet as you.”
“Stop lying!” she shouted.
He shook his head slowly, never taking his eyes off her face. “I’m not,” he whispered. “I don’t know how to do a relationship. I’ve never been in love. I stopped myself from loving a long time ago so I wouldn’t get hurt. I don’t know if I’m even capable of starting again after all these years, and the last thing I want to do is hurt you, Jamie. I tried so hard,” his voice cracked. “You have to believe me.”
She shook her head. “How could I? All you’ve ever done is hurt me.”
“That was never my intention.”
She shook her head, tears streaming down her face, now. “It doesn’t matter, I don’t care what you say,” she said. “Not anymore. It’s all lies anyway.”
She turned to go but he grabbed her arm, pulling her back. “No,” he said harshly. “That’s not true. I never lied to you about anything. I care about you more than anything else. How can I prove that to you?”
“You can’t. Not anymore.”
Before she could resist, he pulled her close to him and gently wiped away her tears. He barely touched her skin as he did and he rested his other arm against his car instead of holding her tightly like he usually did, as if he was giving her every chance to escape. “There must be some way,” he said, pleading. “I wish more than anything I could promise you the world, but I can’t. I don’t want you thinking I used you and felt nothing for you because it’s not true. Please, Jamie. Tell me how I can make it up to you.”
She shook her head, trying to keep herself from crying out or reaching for him. If she touched him or moved slightly, her lips would be on his and her body would make her mind forget why it was hurting. She couldn’t do it, though. She would just be torturing herself more.
“I can’t do this, Alex.” She turned to leave, and then froze when she heard voices from around the corner. A group of employees were chatting and laughing. She recognized Gina’s voice among them.
Alex heard it as well. He opened the back door of his car. “Get in. My windows are tinted. They won’t even know we’re here.”
Jamie crawled in before she could think better and Alex slid in beside her. They slipped down so no one could see them through the back windshield and both held their breath as the group came closer. Alex took her hand and started stroking the back of her knuckles with his thumb. She hated the fact that it comforted her.
The group of people passed and both of them slowly sat up again. Alex didn’t let go of her hand. He stared down at the seat between them, looking more ashamed than she had ever seen him before. “I’m not letting you leave like this,” he whispered. “I need to show you how much you’ve affected me. How much you mean to me.” He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it gently and with all the tenderness in the world. There was nothing confident or smooth about his actions. He looked more vulnerable than Jamie had ever seen him before. He looked completely genuine.
She already felt her anger and resolve crumbling and she knew she was already set up for hurt again.
Alex turned toward her and leaned down to kiss her gently on the lips. His own lips trembled against hers. He didn’t pull her close or even touch her, giving her complete freedom to turn away or leave.