“And you’ll get that someday, hon.”
“I know. I’m patiently waiting for my Mr. Right.” She cocked her head. “Think Charlie will ever get his happily ever after?”
“Not in Blue Ridge. He doesn’t have much of a chance in this town.”
Tammy clicked her tongue and I could see the annoyance on her face though she wasn’t anywhere near me. “You try to pretend you’re not interested, but I can tell you are.”
“No way,” I argued louder. “It’s not going to happen.”
“You adored him in high school, Jaime,” she sing-songed. “Everybody knew it. Heck, I’m sure Charlie even knew it himself.”
“We never dated, remember?”
“Bullshit. I know that, but you crushed on him hard. Don’t think we all didn’t notice. We all wanted you to together at some point, but it never happened.”
“I knew I coul
dn’t cross that line. Just like I can’t now.” I straightened and stared sternly at my reflection in the mirror. “You will not fall for his charm. You are not that easy and you are not that stupid either.”
“Are you talking to yourself over there?” Tammy teased and I groaned. “Why can’t you cross that line now? After all, you’re both grownup, responsible adults. Just take the poor man on a damn date and see what happens. I think you’ll find it pleasing.”
“If he wasn’t some Casanova and didn’t need a wife I might possibly cross the line.” I paced around my apartment, petting dog heads as they followed me back and forth, all except Max. His tail wagged as he sprawled out on the couch, content and happy.
Tammy’s words dragged me out of my happy puppy thoughts and I plopped down next to Max, running a hand through my hair. “That makes no sense at all.”
“I’m afraid he’s bullshitting me. You know what a charmer he’s always been. I don’t know if it’s real or not. We were best friends at one time, and yes, I had a tiny crush on him, but I knew better than to date a guy like him. I think it’s best to stick to that philosophy now. I have no guarantees that he’s changed, even if he is back here.”
“So you’re afraid he’s just trying to use you, saying anything to get you to marry him so he’ll get his hand on Daddy Warbucks’s fortune?”
“Yes, but...”
“But what? You really think he’d do that to you of all people?”
I didn’t want to think it, that he’d go so low, but I nodded. “I don’t know what to think. All I do know is that I’m so damn attracted to him. My heart beats wildly when he looks at me, and I can’t stop thinking about him. I know if I take him up on his offer, we’ll be in bed in no time. Those two years will fly by, and then he’ll just plant a kiss on my forehead and bid me farewell. I’ve already got abandonment issues. That would turn me into an all-out basket case. My real parents did that to me. I can’t let Charlie get away with it too.”
Tammy’s gently laughter told me how ridiculous I was being, but I couldn’t help it. My train of thought took me down every bad road and there was no turning back from it. No matter what he told me, I’d always be afraid he’d just up and leave me. That he’d betray me somehow.
“I understand,” she said. “You’re scared of being abandoned. That’s not an unreasonable fear coming from you.
I picked at a thread on the couch absently. “My parents did it, and so did he. What makes you think he won’t do it again?”
“Look, I know it was hard, and I know it’s why you pour all your time into those abandoned dogs and cats, but eventually you have to accept that not everyone is going to leave you. Put your abandonment issues aside for a month.”
“All right. I admit it. Maybe I do have abandonment issues,” I grumbled giving in, “All that deep pain and resentment and stuff. Who’s to say Charlie will put up with me anyway? Maybe I’ll turn into a crazy person.”
She muttered something under her breath I didn’t catch then said, “You won’t open up, but you should, especially to him.”
“Yeah. I guess all that deep pain and resentment has built up in me, and I don’t want anyone or anything else to suffer like I have. I don’t like to open up and let people in because I’m afraid they won’t like what they see, that they’ll just...take off.”
It was the truth, but I had no idea why it applied to Charlie. He knew everything there was to know about me and yet I was still terrified of what might happen if I let my guard down; if I talked to him about what really held me back.
“So you feel inadequate or something?” Tammy asked.
I sighed. “I guess.”
“That’s bullshit. You’re a beautiful person, inside and out.”
“Deep down, I know it’s not my fault my parents left, but it’s still hard to get over. I mean, why did they leave me behind? Was it just because I couldn’t walk right? Was it because I wasn’t a perfect kid?” I whispered, wishing maybe now I hadn’t answered the phone when she called. I was not in the mood to be analyzed.