Glancing down at her front, she blushed. Her nipples stood out like twin witch hats in her black shirt. She crossed her arms over her chest. “Well, that’s embarrassing.”
He caught her wrists, gently uncrossing her arms. If possible, her nipples got even harder when he stared at her chest. “You’re beautiful.” He shook his head as if in awe. “And…you’re killing me.”
She looked at the crotch of his pants and smirked. “Oh. Sorry.”
He drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “We’ll suffer together.”
There was something so open about him that made her want more of him. So much more it scared her. Even with sex, he seemed so…natural about it. Like it wasn’t a game but an experience, and he wanted to feel every agonizing moment as much as the pleasant ones. She was jealous of every woman who had carnal knowledge of him. Because making love to a man like Gage King was probably hotter than two mice fucking in a wool sock.
“You scare me,” she confessed.
His expression sobered with concern. “Why?”
She shrugged. “You’re different. You make me want things I gave up a long time ago.”
His brow pinched and he pulled her back to his lap, pinching her chin and forcing her to meet his stare. “Don’t fear me, Perrin. I won’t hurt you.”
She laughed, the sound cold and bitter. “No one can promise that. I’m breakable. So, I already know what pain feels like and I’m still bruised.”
“Bruised, maybe, but not broken.”
“You weren’t there.”
“How did he break you?”
Her gaze shifted to the leather seat. “He asked me to marry him, distracted me with a flashy new life in a place that seemed better than Jasper Falls. He bought me a car, offered to pay for the perfect wedding. Anything I asked for, he supplied.” She blinked as her eyes grew full with wet emotion. “It was all a distraction, so I wouldn’t notice he was in love with someone else.”
“I want to say I’m sorry he hurt you, but I’m not sorry he lost you. You deserve better.”
“I don’t want better. I don’t want anything, from anyone, anymore. I just want to rely on myself and live independently.”
“Because then no one can ever hurt you?”
“Exactly.”
He gave her a pitying smile. “It doesn’t work.”
She frowned. “How do you know?”
“Because we’re made to love people. We need connection. When I was young, I figured the first family that took me out of the orphanage would be my forever family. I couldn’t see anything wrong with who I was, so it never crossed my mind that someone else might. I was so damn happy to have foster siblings, but they didn’t want me. They didn’t want to share their parents’ affection with some strange kid. And as they shut me out, my defenses went up, the tension grew, and eventually I went back. I promised I wouldn’t allow myself to get attached to the next family.”
“But you did.”
He nodded. “I couldn’t help it. It felt so good to feel wanted. They pretended to love me the minute I walked into their home. I think the woman actually might have. But, I wasn’t theirs and the man never could see me as his own. Back then, it was a little harder for a single woman to adopt, and when her husband left, she had no choice but to send me away, too.”
“That must have been so hard.”
He stared ahead, as if looking into another time. “It was. But each time, I swore I wouldn’t be so vulnerable. I promised to have a thicker skin and not care about what others thought of me. Yet, some internal part of me kept striving to impress the world. Everything I did was to prove I was good enough. But it was never enough. There was always a reason I went back.”
“After a kid is sent back more than a handful of times, he gets a reputation as being difficult. I never raised a hand to anyone or talked back. I tried to be helpful and polite, but my track record seemed to overshadow those qualities. And, as I got older, I became less appealing to those looking for a baby boy. By the time I had my first growth spurt, the visiting mothers saw me as something intimidating. But the dads saw me as an able body and often put me to work without pay.”
“That’s terrible.”
He shrugged. “It taught me respect and a good work ethic. I was never much for book smarts, but I knew I wanted success. So, I went about it the hard way. And eventually, I got there.” He flashed her a half grin. “I think I’m doing all right.”
She smiled. “You think?” She gazed around. “I don’t know. I’ve seen bigger jets.”
He tackled her to her back and tickled her, shocking her as she burst out laughing. It was like he knew exactly where her tickle spots were and found each one. Every time she laughed, he laughed harder, until they were both out of breath.