Because she was well aware she wasn’t the perfect bride.
Too old. Too plain.
If they loved one another, she suspected that wouldn’t matter. But they didn’t, and she couldn’t help feeling completely inadequate.
He was laughing at something Lord Stone said and brushing rice from his broad shoulders. Despite knowing Hugh all her life, today he seemed disturbingly alien. His sheer size. The flash of large white teeth in his tanned face. Something that even in her innocence she recognized as potent masculinity made her shrink into the red leather seat. Until she reminded herself that they were in public and she owed it to Hugh—and herself, by heaven—to appear content with her choice of husband.
As he sat down beside her, he surveyed her from under the curling brim of his hat. “Having a crisis of confidence?”
Her lips twisted. “Can you tell?”
They spoke in low voices, although given the noise from the milling crowd, the coachman would need sharp ears to eavesdrop. Hugh caught her gloved hand and slid closer. She watched how her hand disappeared inside his much larger one. That seemed somehow ominous, symbolic of the way his life was about to swallow up hers.
“Trust me, Jane. I’ll do my best to make you happy.”
“And I’ll do my best, too.” If only she could make him happy. Walking up the aisle, she’d been bitterly aware that he’d prefer to see another woman at his side this morning.
That feeling had intensified in the ceremony when he’d kissed her cheek instead of her lips. The contact had lasted a mere instant, but it had burned like ice.
He regarded her with a frown. “You make a beautiful bride.”
“Thank you.” If he didn’t seem so disapproving, it would be easier to sound like she believed him.
“But I’m afraid you’re turning the same color as your bonnet.”
“The same color…” she said, not following.
He smiled and to her surprise, hooked one powerful arm around her shoulders and drew her against him. “We can’t have my bride turning into an icicle before we get to the wedding breakfast.”
“It’s not far,” she said shakily, basking in the delicious heat radiating along her side.
“Too far to shiver all the way.”
“But people will see.”
The fond note in his rumbling laugh soothed her disquiet. “We just got married, Jane. I’m allowed to cuddle my bride.”
Cuddle? That sounded too intimate, when he was merely trying to keep her warm.
Tonight he’d do more than put his arm around her. If she wanted to cower away from him now, how on earth would she survive a night in bed with him?
Except being held so close wasn’t uncomfortable at all. It was rather wonderful. Once Hugh’s warmth surrounded her, the cold air became almost piquant. She became aware of all sorts of things she’d never noticed before. The citrus tang of his soap. Beneath the lemon, the spicy scent of his skin. The way her body fitted so neatly to his, as she gave up her quibbles and leaned into him.
He made a sound of satisfaction and tightened his hold.
At Hugh’s nod, the coachman set the horses in motion. The clop of hooves
, the carriage’s soft creak, and the jingle of the harness preserved their privacy.
The well-wishers waved as the carriage drew away from the church. Everybody was happy for Jane. She wished she was. She’d spent most of her life wishing something exciting would happen. Now it had, and she was a mass of jangling nerves.
They trotted up the drive. The way had been cleared of overnight snow, but glistening white banked high on either side, and frost turned the elms lining the avenue into dreamlike sculptures. A pale sun shone through wispy clouds. A hundred people followed, but right now, Jane felt isolated in a cocoon with Hugh.
“This is the beginning of a new life,” she said softly. “I wonder what it will bring.”
“Happiness and fulfillment, God willing,” Hugh said, just as softly. “Today I pledged myself to you, Jane. You’re a Rutherford now. ‘Loyalty unto death.’ From this day forward, it’s you and me together against the world.”
“That’s an odd way to put it,” she said, even as she appreciated hearing that she was his priority. He might never love her, but he took this marriage seriously. He meant to do right by her. She just wished he viewed that as a pleasure, instead of a duty.