He shot her a devilish grin. “C’mon, babe. That was hot.”
She blew out a breath. “Okay, so maybe it was. And those memories are why I have to start somewhere new. It’s why I had to start looking for a new position.”
He winked. “I can think of plenty of positions we can try.”
She chuckled. “We’re in the friend zone, mister.”
“I’m sorry if I seemed angry. But I feel like I lost you and it hurts, so I lash out. Or blatantly ignore you. My world crashed into pieces when we fell apart. And maybe I’m taking it out on you. You’re resuming your life as usual, and I have this huge, gaping hole in my heart. The rejection, the pain, the loss, it hurt so bad, I could hardly breathe. I don’t think I can survive this kind of pain. I cared about you more than any other woman I’ve ever dated. You walked into my life and made me realize why it never worked out with anybody else. You were my best friend, my lover, and my partner. I know it didn’t last long, but it meant everything to me. And I’m sorry marriage wasn’t on my radar. I can’t apologize enough for that. I know what I lost, and I want to kick myself every day for it. I lost the most precious thing in my entire life.”
Her eyes welled up with tears. “I experienced the heartbreak myself. Break ups are hard.”
He touched her face. “You’ve changed my life, and I hope we can stay friends.”
“Of course. You are the children’s father. Nothing will ever change that, and you’ll always hold a special place in my heart. Our relationship was one of the biggest blessings in my life. We have two beautiful kids.”
“We sure did make beautiful children.”
“We sure did. I don’t know how I’ll ever move on. You’re a hard act to follow, Harvey.”
“These things take time, but I know we’ll get through this.”
“Wanna take the same cab back to the hotel?”
He smiled. “Sure.”
Chapter 9
Upstairs in her room, her solo room with its one lonesome queen-sized bed, she drew herself a bath and emptied half a jar of citrus bath salts into it miserably. Then, remembering that the company was paying, she called room service. In no time, she had a latte and a huge muffin. The sugary streusel topping on her crumbly muffin tasted like heaven. It was just what she needed: a long hot bath and a big delicious pastry to drown her sorrows. It was a consolation muffin—the carb-loaded monstrosity she gave herself to make up for losing Harvey with such spectacular finality.
Wrapped in the decadent white bathrobe provided by the hotel, she lay on bed sipping red wine and watching the end of a Nicholas Sparks movie, all alone, her damp hair in a messy bun. She thought that she was one pair of yoga pants from being a mom cliché before age thirty. She sniffed, partly because the movie was tragic, and partly because she felt sorry for herself. She’d already called her kids and they were off at Caden’s soccer game. She wasn’t used to the silence, the loneliness, no matter how many years she’d been on her own—when the kids were asleep in their beds, she lacked adult company but she wasn’t really alone. She was with her family where she belonged.
Right now they felt very far away. She couldn’t help thinking about Maggie and her twins—what would happen to Corinne and Caden if something happened to her? She’d always assumed that her sister Madison would take them, that her own hefty life insurance policy would get them through college, but that wasn’t like having a parent, like having a mom. If Maggie could get cancer, could be teetering on the edge of a terminal diagnosis, what was to prevent the same from happening to Bella herself? The thought of leaving the twins, of being unable to take care of them broke her heart and her self-control splintered. She burst into sobs, tears coursing down her face.
When a knock came at the door, she tried to quiet herself to hiccupping sobs and opened the door, looking down, moving aside to admit the cart with her macaroni and cheese dinner. Instead of a serving cart, however, she opened the door to Harvey Carlson. He took one look at her and charged into the room, pushing past her.
“We need to talk,” he said softly.
“I know. I shouldn’t have ordered such a fattening dish. I should’ve went with the salad. Thank goodness you came here to stop me from eating all that hot cheesy goo.”
A slight smirk spread across his face. “That’s the Bella humor I remember.” He then noticed she had been crying. “Hey, are you okay?”
She shook her head, trying to suppress a shuddering sob. He took her by the shoulders, his face all seriousness, “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“I—I—I—I’m going to die and leave the babies all alone,” she managed to sputter out before burying her face in her hands and weeping.
“Oh my goodness, Bella, what’s wrong? If you can tell me what’s wrong, we can get you the best care. I went to Wharton with a guy who’s one of the top administrators at Johns Hopkins now—” he said. She shook her head and hiccupped.
“I’m not s—s—sick, Harvey. Not now, at least.”
“You’re not? Then why are you dying? What are you talking about?” He sat down on the edge of the bed, took a drink out of her wineglass on the table.
She retreated to the bathroom and blew her runny nose.
“I’m sorry,” she managed hoarsely. “I was just thinking if Maggie can get so sick so fast and leave those boys without a mother, I was thinking what would happen to Caden and Corinne if something happened to me. It’s morbid, I know, but it’s something a mother has to think about, especially a single mom,” she sniffed, “I’m sorry I freaked you out. I didn’t answer you very well. I was too upset.”
“So you’re not actually dying?”
“Not currently, no.”