She lifted a shoulder. “Growing pains. He’s having a rough transition with my independence.”
“I think a lot of that is because you’re going to be so far away. I’m having a hard time adjusting too.”
She turned her head, surprised he’d admitted it so openly. So directly. And the thought of leaving him now after they’d just broken through a huge barrier upset her stomach again. “The transition will be difficult, no doubt.”
Rafe dropped his gaze, nodded, then looked out at the view with a heavy exhale. Long, turbulent moments passed while both remained quiet. His next question verified they were thinking about the same thing.
“What are we going to do, Mia?”
She shook her head and shrugged. “I think we both know there aren’t many options.”
His jaw jumped with stress. “I don’t want to lose this.”
Another surprising admission. He was pensive and restless, frowning out at the view. She’d never intended for this to happen. Her plan had backfired. Big-time. She’d opened a door only to tell him he couldn’t step through. But this situation wasn’t completely her fault. He was equally responsible for this dilemma. And she’d worked too hard to give up the ground she’d gained for a guy who wouldn’t even admit they were seeing each other.
He turned his gaze on her, and the look of turmoil in his eyes mirrored the confusion in her gut. “Will you come to California for our Cup games?”
She frowned. Their first two games in the battle for the Cup were in LA. “I’d love to but I don’t have the money to fly across the country to watch a couple of games, only to do it again a few days later.” He opened his mouth, and she held up a hand. “Please don’t offer to pay for it, Rafe.”
He exhaled heavily, and his pensive expression turned frustrated. “Why not? I really want you there.”
She had the urge to tell him he didn’t get everything he wanted. But, judging by his mood, she doubted that would help the situation. “Because we’re going to be living across the country from each other in less than a week.”
“I know. And I want to spend as much time together as possible while we can.”
Mia inhaled deeply, torn. “Rafe, you may be good at messing around and moving on, but I’m not.”
His expression tightened, and he took a step toward her, but stopped himself and glanced inside again before returning his gaze. “What we have is more than messing around. You know that.”
“That doesn’t solve the problems between us.” All the more reason to back off now to give her time to transition into letting him go and living without him. God, that idea hurt more now than ever.
She turned toward him and reached out to touch his shirt, tracing the edge of a button. Rafe caught her hand, leaned away, and glanced toward the house again.
Hurt stabbed at her heart, making her realize that maybe she needed distance even sooner than she’d thought.
Stepping back, she tried to keep the hurt from her voice when she said, “I think I’ve said hello to everyone. I’m going to head home. Good night.”
But when she turned, Rafe put a hand on her arm, dropping it as soon as she met his gaze again. “I was hoping you could come home with me. Maybe tell Tate you’re staying with Tina or something?”
Disappointment joined hurt. Disappointment in Rafe, in the situation, and partially in herself. These men just kept putting themselves first. It was clear that if Mia wanted her feelings, her life, and her needs to matter, she was the only one she could control. “Rafe, as I just pointed out to Tate, I’m a grown woman. And I’m done lying about where I’m spending the night to benefit you or Tate or Joe. I’ll see you tomorrow at the family skate.”
Mia moved into the house, but walking away from him tonight had to be one of the hardest things she’d ever done, and tears prickled her eyes. She’d waited most of her life for Rafe to want her. But wanting her only under certain circumstances, when there was no chance of anyone else finding out, had never entered into her fantasies. And she knew without a doubt, she deserved more than that.
Rafe stepped into the house and watched Mia wander toward the front door, saying her good-byes. The sight created an uncomfortable flutter low in his gut. The kind Rafe got when the third period was winding down and he and his team couldn’t do anything to make the goal to put them in the lead. That feeling he got when he knew his team was going to lose.
Only with Mia, it was worse. There was an added element of panic trickling through him. And urgency. He was losing her already, and they’d barely just found each other. He knew what she wanted, what she needed—stability, security, assurance that another man wouldn’t tell her she was inadequate. Tate was right. She needed things that Rafe couldn’t give her. Not in his current situation.
Knowing that not only left a hot coal burning in his gut but made him feel like the biggest loser on the planet.
“Hey, son.” Joe came up behind Rafe and clasped him on the shoulder, but his gaze was on Mia as she left. “Mia’s headed home?”
“Yeah.” Rafe pulled himself as far out of the muck as he could and smiled for Joe. “Having a good time?”
“Always. Great group of people. I’m so glad you and Tate found a family like this.” He glanced the direction Mia had gone. “I hope Mia can find the same in Los Angeles.”
Rafe should want the same thing, but his heart believed she belonged here. “She’s certainly special. If they can’t see that in LA, then they’re blind.”
“I’m really proud of you, Rafe.”