Doreen froze. His words scattered her thoughts and temporarily stole her voice. She worked her throat, trying to unglue the muscles.
Leonard spread his arms. “Dorie. Please. Say something.”
Doreen worked her throat some more. “Leo. I . . . I don’t know what to say.”
Leonard dropped his arms. “Tell me how you feel.”
Doreen stood. She circled the armchair, putting it between them. “You’re a good friend, Leo. I care about you very much.”
“But you don’t love me.”
“Paul hasn’t even been gone a year yet.” Her words were breathy. Her pulse was racing. “There’s a part of me that’s still in love with him.”
Leonard nodded. “I understand. You and Paul were together for a very long time, even longer than Claudia and I.”
“I haven’t completely let go.” Doreen dug her fingernails into the top of the armchair. “I don’t know whether I’ll ever be able to.”
“I wondered if you’d be able to love me after loving Paul so much.” Leonard rubbed his hands over his eyes. “When he died, you closed yourself off from everyone.”
Doreen locked her shaking knees. “If it weren’t for you, I would’ve been lost. You’re a good friend.”
“But I want to be more than friends.” Leonard pushed his fists into his front pants pockets. “I want to be your husband.”
Doreen’s grip on the sturdy armchair was the only thing keeping her standing. “I have no intention of getting married ever again.”
“You can’t say that. You could change your mind.” A hint of desperation edged his words.
Doreen maneuvered her way to the front of the chair and sank onto its cushion. “Leo, I’m glad you’re in my life. I enjoy our relationship—both in and out of bed. But that’s all I’m looking for right now.”
“Why?”
Doreen threw up her hands in a nervous gesture. “I’m still looking for myself. I want to know who I am, who I’m becoming now that my life has taken such a devastating turn.”
“Do you think you’re going to find that in the mayor’s office?”
She gave him a sharp look. But his tone and expression was more confused than condemning this time. “I’d like to try.”
Leonard pulled his hands free of his pockets and rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s hard to hear that the woman you’re in love with would rather be mayor of a town than your wife.”
Doreen stood and crossed to him. “I’m honored that you think of me that way.”
“I was hoping for a different reaction.”
She took hold of Leonard’s hands and gently squeezed them. “Before I can be a couple with anyone, I need to know who I am by myself. Can you understand that?”
Leonard heaved a sigh. “I can try.”
“And I would really like for things to stay the way they are between us.”
He squeezed her hands in return. “If that’s all you can give me for now, I’ll take it.”
“And for the election, I could really use your vote.”
Leonard chuckled. “You’ll have to work for that one.”
“Fair enough.” Doreen laughed with relief. Her friend, and lover, was back.
“Have you heard from Penn about your faculty position?” Ean asked the question of Quincy in a voice loud enough to be heard in the crowded sports bar.