“I believe I can make you love me.”
She loathed the bewildered pain in his voice. “You can’t make someone love you.”
“I won’t stop asking.”
Dear God, could this get worse? “You must.”
“No.”
He pushed her too far. “Then I can’t be your mistress.”
He staggered as if she’d hit him. “What?”
“I don’t want to leave you.” She was surprised to sound so sure. “But your demands are impossible.”
His ironic gesture sliced at her heart. “My apologies.”
She watched him withdraw, attempt to protect himself, struggle to salvage some pride. She understood pride. She might be a poor soldier’s daughter, but her spirit was unbending. It was yet another thing she and James had in common.
He couldn’t hide the blow she’d struck to his soul, no matter how he tried. Witnessing his wretchedness came close to smashing her determination. The words “I love you, James,” rose to her lips, but she savagely bit them back and tasted blood as she sank her teeth into her lower lip. If she admitted her love, he’d win. She knew enough of his tenacity to understand that.
And in that victory, he’d lose everything he’d lived for.
“I’m sorry I’ve hurt you.” She knew how inadequate that sounded.
“I’ll survive,” he said grimly.
She bit her lip again, but that pain couldn’t compare to the pain in her heart. “I hope you’ll forgive me.”
From under lowered dark brows, James regarded her like an enemy. “You’ve escaped pretty scot-free so far for your sins. After all, you lied from the beginning, you thought absolutely the worst of me despite all the evidence, and you offered me up to a man you thought plotted my destruction.”
She raised her chin, wishing she was angry. Anger would be easier than this sorrow. “You’re not upset about any of that.”
“I’ll make you marry me.” He caught her and swooped to press his lips to hers in a passionate kiss that continued the argument without words. To her distress, her body, already primed, melted into liquid arousal.
“Stop,” she choked out. “For pity’s sake, stop.”
For a long moment, she wondered if he heard. And if he heard, whether he’d heed her.
James released a despairing groan and slumped against her so heavily that she swayed. “I can’t do this.”
The black misery in his voice knotted her stomach. With a muffled sob, she curled her arms around him and let this strong, marvelous man rest in her embrace.
His ragged breathing slowly calmed and the desperate clutch of his hands on her hips gradually eased. Finally he shifted away and regarded her with lifeless gray eyes. “I’m sorry, Eleanor.”
“No, I’m sorry,” she whispered, glancing toward the blazing hearth because she couldn’t bear his scrutiny. She loathed herself for what she did to him. If she stayed here, she’d end up in his bed. Feeling as she did now, weak, needy, eager to soothe his pain, she’d surrender. And that small surrender would lead inexorably to the larger surrender of consenting to marry him.
With one shaking hand, she made a curtailed gesture. She retreated toward the door. “I must go.”
“Eleanor…”
She turned away. If she cried, he’d use it against her. “Please, leave me be for tonight.” She gulped for air, as if she hadn’t taken a breath in hours. “Please.”
Without waiting for his answer, she turned the handle and stumbled into the empty corridor. She leaned against the wall, struggling to dam her tears.
James returned her love, an
d she could hardly endure it.