f with child, she’d be less adamant. Even if his yearning soul wanted her to marry him because she couldn’t live without him, not because she faced the bleak reality of bearing his bastard.
She looked tired. And beautiful. Tonight had been so crammed with turmoil that he was a beast to expect her to pledge herself just for the asking. Short hours ago, she’d loathed him. At least now he saw grounds for hope. She’d never said that she didn’t want to marry him. She was worried about his well-being. He needed to convince her that their marriage was the best way to promote his happiness.
He smiled and extended one hand. “Let’s not part on a quarrel, my darling.”
After a hesitation that made his heart falter, she curled her fingers around his. That touch made him feel that he stood where he was meant to be. Such power she had.
“Don’t ask again, please,” she said in a low voice. Her eyes were dark with misery.
He drew her unresisting into his arms until she rested on his chest. “Not tonight, at least.”
Nell closed her bedroom door and slumped against it in utter exhaustion. She felt like she’d been through a battle. Yet her fight with James had only started. He wouldn’t give up this lunatic idea to marry her. Even as he’d given her a reprieve, she’d read his intractable expression.
She shut her eyes and prayed for strength to deny him, however much she yearned to become his wife. If she hadn’t lived at Alloway Chase and seen his dedication to the political life, perhaps she’d relent. If she hadn’t known his mother and heard about his beloved father’s shattered dreams, perhaps she’d relent. But Nell knew that if she cost James everything he’d worked for, he might forgive her, but she’d never forgive herself.
She bit back a sob. How odd to think that today, she’d been so set on his destruction, yet now for his sake, she sacrificed her dearest hopes.
“Miss Trim, are you all right?”
Shocked, Nell opened her eyes and peered through the shadows. The fire was lit and a candle flickered on the nightstand. In a dark corner, Lady Hillbrook was curled up on a chair.
“Your ladyship…” Nell stammered, sick with embarrassment. After what she and James had done in the library, she could imagine what she looked like.
“I’m sorry for startling you.” Sidonie Merrick stood and approached. “Pen wanted to check on you. I talked her into letting me wait instead. She needs her rest.”
“You’re both too considerate,” Nell said, cheeks aflame. She retreated against the door, although there was nowhere to hide, and her tumbled hair and disheveled clothing must betray her.
“Lord Leath didn’t hurt you?” Lady Hillbrook asked in consternation.
Nell shook her head. “No. I was mistaken, it turned out. He’s innocent of wrongdoing. His uncle used his name when he seduced my half-sister.”
It seemed bizarre to boil the whole tempestuous drama down to three short sentences. Although of course so much remained in the balance. How her affair with James proceeded. Greengrass’s blackmail. James’s political future.
“I’m not surprised. Neville Fairbrother was a vile creature.” She gestured toward a side table. “Would you like some brandy? You look… shaken.”
Nell flinched. She knew she looked more than shaken. Still, it was easier to cooperate than resist. She collapsed onto a chair. After all that ardor and emotion downstairs, her legs felt rubbery.
“Thank you,” she whispered as the lovely brunette pressed a glass into her hand. She sipped, coughing on the taste.
“Drink it all.” Lady Hillbrook placed a slender hand on Nell’s shoulder. “I know I’m a stranger, but I understand something of your feelings. Jonas and I traveled a rocky road to happiness too.”
“Your ladyship…” A hundred lies claiming the slightest acquaintance with James rose, but as she met Lady Hillbrook’s perceptive gaze, they died unspoken.
“You don’t have to say anything, Miss Trim,” she said softly. “But if you’d like someone to talk to, I promise that I won’t leap to judge you by the world’s narrow standards.”
“You… you don’t know what I’ve done,” she muttered, avoiding the other woman’s scrutiny.
Lady Hillbrook’s soft laugh as she took the glass surprised Nell. “We all do silly things when we’re in love, Miss Trim.”
When she’d discovered Lady Hillbrook waiting, Nell thought she couldn’t feel more mortified. Now having her deepest heart put on view made her want to sink into the floor. Tears flooded her eyes. “Please…”
“We knew the minute we saw your horse that you meant something special to Lord Leath.”
Despite everything, Nell choked on a laugh. “My horse? That’s mad.”
“Perhaps. Were we wrong?”
“His lordship…” What could she say? His lordship was reckless with his future? His lordship made her sigh with helpless love? His lordship would break her heart before he was done? Any impulse to amusement, however bleak, died.