The urge to have her beat a pounding march in his head. Still, her virginity tempered recklessness. With a gentleness that made him shake, he slid one finger into her. Slick heat made his cock swell with eagerness. She clenched in welcome. He withdrew, feeling each clinging inch, then penetrated her with two fingers.
Blast and damnation, she was tight. She’d feel like heaven when he thrust into her, but he dreaded hurting her. Her breath escaped in jagged rhythm to match his stroking. The broken exhalations were astonishingly arousing. Hell, right now, everything about her was arousing. She could recite irregular Latin verbs and it would make him crazy.
God help him, he knew he should wait, but he couldn’t. Drawing back, he met dark brown eyes. Fathomless. Rich as coffee. Sparking with uncertainty and desire.
His hand shook as he ripped at his breeches. “Sidonie, forgive me,” he said on the last gasp of a drowning man.
Chapter Fifteen
Sidonie’s mist of pleasure receded as she felt hard pressure between her legs. She whimpered at the discomfort and dug her fingernails into Jonas’s bare shoulders. Immediately he stopped. He bent his head into her neck, long shudders running through him. There was something poignant about this strong, experienced man shaking with need in her arms.
She shifted to ease the sensation between her legs. This far, the act was disagreeable but not painful. She wriggled again and felt as much as heard him groan into her skin, his breath warm and damp.
“Sidonie, if you do that, I won’t be able to stop.”
“Don’t stop.” She’d ventured so far. She couldn’t retreat now.
He rested his weight on his arms but even so, his body crushed her against the hard, narrow bed and restricted breathing. Or perhaps that was the rush of her heart. The intimacy of this connection went beyond anything she’d imagined. She hadn’t seen that part of him before he pressed it into her. It felt the size of a brick. And twice as hard.
When she’d decided to batter down his reluctance and make him take her, she hadn’t counted on how profound the experience might prove. It was terrifying how dominated she felt. If it had been any man other than Jonas, she’d struggle to break free. She lay quiescent, while her pulse galloped not just with fading arousal but also with long-held fear of masculine oppression.
This is Jonas. This is Jonas. He won’t hurt you.
She inhaled and her muscles loosened a fraction. He inched farther with a smoothness that surprised her. A whimper escaped her at the unaccustomed fullness and he stopped again. His heart thundered against her chest and under her hands; his back was slick with sweat. The pleasure she’d always found in his arms ebbed beyond reach. This was sticky, awkward, and starkly physical. It wasn’t at all how she’d felt when he kissed her. She loved his kisses. She didn’t love this.
Although for all the discomfort, the union held a grim fascination. She’d never felt so close to another human being. It was like she breathed for both of them.
“Don’t fight me, Sidonie.” Jonas sounded like he too teetered over a chasm. “You’ll shatter like glass if you do.”
She shut her eyes and grabbed another shallow breath. “I don’t know what to do,” she said helplessly, her fingers digging into his damp skin.
He released a harsh breath that could have held a laugh. She felt the muscles of his back flex and release. “It’s all right, tesoro. I’ll keep you safe. Trust me.”
Her embrace tightened even as the impulse to shove him away gathered like a scream. Right now he was everything she wanted and everything she didn’t want. His lips grazed her neck and found a place where she was all sensitivity. To her astonishment, fleeting excitement shimmered through her. When she’d thought any possibility of pleasure had fled.
His back tightened and he moved more purposefully. This time when he thrust, her world exploded into scarlet pain.
For what felt like forever, Sidonie’s cry resonated around the room. The pain was excruciating, as though Jonas tore her in half. He’d turned terrifyingly still, although his chest rose and fell roughly over hers. It was frightening to be so aware of his every breath, his slightest shift. Why on earth did women do this? She bit back a demand for him to get off her.
Jonas kissed her neck again, as if in apology, and through fading agony, she experienced a tiny frisson. The pleasure countered the pulsing incursion. She shivered, overwhelmed by conflicting sensations. His musky scent. The hard reality of his body. The stinging pressure between her legs where she was a maid no more.
He scraped his teeth across coiled nerves in the hollow between her neck and shoulder. This time she didn’t inhale through a red haze of pain. Infinitesimally he moved. She was so attuned to him that the tiny slide felt like an earthquake. He cupped her breast, tweaking the peak to an aching point. More pleasure to color discomfort.
He squeezed her nipple and it was as if a heated wire ran to where his body joined hers. She sighed and this time, the sound conveyed more than protest. With a soft groan, Jonas slid carefully from her body. She experienced a faint quiver at the friction, then nothing.
She opened dry eyes and stared at the beams on the ceiling. Merrick’s face was still buried in her shoulder. Now that he’d withdrawn, she should be relieved. Instead she was irritable and disappointed.
Was that it?
Before she voiced any reaction, he slowly thrust inside. This time, her body stretched to receive him. After brief resistance, he planted himself deep with a long, satiny glide.
Deeper than before. So deep he touched her heart.
She braced for pain. There was discomfort but nothing to compare to the thrills juddering through her. He claimed her in a way he hadn’t claimed her when he’d taken her virginity. Her muscles unfolded like a bird taking flight or a flower blooming. The effect was extraordinary. She hadn’t cried before, but this beautiful wholeness brought stinging tears to her eyes.
“Oh, Jonas,” she whispered. “I didn’t know.”
“There’s more.” He rose on his arms to stare into her face. What had been cruel invasion now felt hot, hard, and fulfilling.