The impulse to accept her invitation at face value and roll her under him was overwhelming. But he’d learned self-control in a hard school. “I intend your ruin.”
An uncharacteristically cynical expression crossed her face. “Today I thought you’d lost interest in ruining me.”
“Oh, hell, Sidonie…” He swung away and slumped onto the window seat, staring down at his hands linked between his knees. If he kept looking at her, he’d touch her. If he touched her, all good intentions were dust.
After a pause, she sat beside him. Reckless chit. Didn’t she perceive the risk? He clutched his hands so tightly together that the knuckles shone white.
“You’ll think I’m disgustingly forward,” she said in a subdued voice.
Jonas didn’t dare look at her. “Go away, Sidonie.”
She didn’t heed his gravelly plea. “I’ve decided I’d rather like… to be ruined.”
Her voice trailed away so he needed a moment to realize what she’d said. His head jerked up so fast, he hurt his neck. He stared at her in disbelief. “What the hell?”
She raised her chin and met his eyes. He read uncertainty and hard-won courage in her face. “I said—”
He leaped to his feet as though he were the offended virgin and she the pursuing rake. “You’re out of your mind.”
Sidonie remained seated, watching him as though she gradually made sense of his behavior. He wished he could say the same.
“You had a week to seduce me, Jonas.” She had the temerity to smile at him. “Congratulations. You’ve succeeded.”
Cha
pter Fourteen
If she’d felt less on edge, Sidonie would have smiled at his shocked reaction. Her surrender flummoxed this notorious man of the world. Her surrender left her flummoxed, too, but the last few minutes had answered some urgent questions, however uncommunicative Jonas proved.
He went against his strongest inclinations when he sent her away. He still wanted her. That clarified the most important issues. The rest she’d work out.
When she sat beside him, she hadn’t mistaken how he’d trembled, a slow combing wave that ran through his body. Over the last days, she’d learned so much about this man and his reactions. Thrilling to imagine what remained to learn. She was apprehensive and excited. If she relinquished this chance to explore the passion flaring between them, she’d regret it all her life.
He scowled at her. “You don’t mean it.”
She stood as he backed away. “Of course I do.”
His jaw set hard as stone. “I won’t do it.”
“Heaven help us, Merrick. You’re suffering a temporary surfeit of honor. You’ll get over it.”
He glowered at her. “The promptings of my conscience aren’t a minor illness. I’m trying to do the right thing, tesoro.”
“I know.” She hesitated, seeking words to explain her capitulation. “When you returned Roberta’s vowels, I realized I didn’t want to leave you.”
If she expected her bald confession to crack his resistance, she was disappointed. His expression remained austere, his slashing eyebrows lowering over his eyes. “I’ve set you free.”
“Free to give myself to you.”
Still he didn’t relent. “Why?”
He was so suspicious. Life hadn’t dealt him an easy hand and he’d learned to be wary of happiness or love or kindness. Her heart ached for him. She wanted him with her body, but more than that, she longed to offer him rest from his demons. Because for all his strength and determination, demons tormented him. She’d known that from the first time she saw that bizarre mirror-filled room upstairs.
She licked lips dry with nervousness and twisted her hands in her skirts. “Because I want to.”
“Not good enough.”
She stepped closer, her heart racing. He’d come direct from the stables. Odors of horse, leather, and the outdoors melded into a surprisingly pleasant fragrance. “Seems good enough to me.”