Her first instinct was to run, before Merrick woke and found her so conveniently placed for seduction. She tensed to rip away from his grasp. Then she caught sight of his face and curiosity, more powerful even than fear, captured her. Without dislodging his encircling arm, she slowly rose to look along his chest to his face. Observing him without his knowledge was a luxury.
She’d imagined that like most people, he’d look vulnerable in sleep.
He didn’t.
The angular bones remained rough-hewn. Nobody who saw those determined features would judge the man who owned them anything but a brigand. Dark morning beard on his jaw and cheeks heightened the piratical impression.
And his scars.
This quiet morning, they struck a discordant note. Relics of an evil Sidonie barely comprehended. It hurt to look at those marks of suffering. She’d feel for any injured creature, but with Merrick, her reaction was more personal than compassion, stronger than outrage. Gossip was silent on where the attack had happened. From what he’d said yesterday, she guessed that he’d spent his youth traveling with his scholarly father. Perhaps he’d received his injuries in some back alley in Naples or Cadiz, or in a skirmish in a wild corner of the Balkans.
In wordless comfort, she rested a hand on his chest. Under her palm, his chest was hard, rising and falling with each slow breath. Lying like this created a heady intimacy. An intimacy that sapped defenses already under siege. Unwillingly, her gaze wandered to his mouth. Relaxed, it conveyed profound sensuality. That was no surprise. From her first sight of him, lounging like a great cat against his massive chair and sipping red wine, she’d recognized a man who appreciated physical pleasure. Unfamiliar weight settled in her belly as she imagined him focusing that appreciation on her when the time came.
If the time came…
Dear God, did she already concede victory? When everything she knew insisted she couldn’t give in to him. There wasn’t just the danger of losing her virginity, although she couldn’t welcome the chance of having her sins exposed to the world or bearing a child out of wedlock. More powerful was the unreasoning conviction that if she surrendered, he’d sap the strength that had maintained her through recent, difficult years and that would steer her into a self-sufficient, productive future.
Merrick’s eyelashes fanned against his cheeks. Black like the hair tumbling across his high forehead. Sidonie resisted the urge to brush those soft strands back from his face. When he was awake, she was too busy fighting him to betray such tenderness. Now, in this peaceful dawn, she ached to show him life offered more than cruelty.
Her longing to give him respite made her pause. He worked toward her ruin. He’d plotted to trap Roberta into scandal and disgrace.
He was…
He was the most fascinating man she’d ever met. He listened to her with an attention that fed her soul. He offered glimpses of a world she’d dreamed of discovering. He made her laugh. He kissed her as if he’d die before he stopped.
This weakening against her opponent was more frightening than waking up in his arms. She shut her eyes and whispered a silent prayer against the softening of her heart.
When next she looked, Merrick’s eyes slitted open and he regarded her with an intensity that made her tremble. In the strengthening light, his expression was unguarded as she’d never seen it. Fleetingly she read yearning to match hers in his eyes, misty gray as he surfaced to the day. Asleep he hadn’t looked younger, but he looked years younger now. His mouth curved into a welcoming smile that pierced her heart.
Then in a flash everything changed.
The softness evaporated as if it had never existed. She read unequivocal rejection of whatever he saw in her face. She must gawk at him like an adoring puppy. What price denials now? Leaden shame crushed her.
She shrank back. His arm tightened before she escaped. At the same time, he swiftly slid sideways so the bed hangings shadowed the face he turned away. The dawn light no longer illuminated his scars. His sudden movement was violent enough to shake the bed.
Lord above…
Her confusion dissipated. Usually Merrick flaunted his scars, daring the world to pity his disfigurement. This morning he hadn’t had time to don his usual armor against curiosity or disgust. With a sickening twist of her stomach, she realized that for all his defiance, he hated his scars. Hated them to the depths of his being.
He’d despise pity so she lowered her eyes. Still tears prickled. Stupid, stupid girl. She couldn’t stifle the longing to take him in her arms and comfort him against a lifetime of grief. An insane, dangerous longing.
“I must be losing my touch. If I polluted the purity of your bed, I was sure you’d howl your lungs out,” he said with familiar derision, at last looking at her directly. But after that revealing moment when he’d withdrawn so abruptly, she knew his careless manner was a defense mechanism.
The beautiful waking smile developed a mocking edge. She was a thousand times a fool, but she couldn’t help mourning the change even as she went rigid against him. “You’ll never make me scream,” she said repressively, although her heart wasn’t in it.
His face lit with amusement she didn’t understand. “Don’t be too sure, bella.”
He talked wickedness again. At least his jibes reminded her of what she hazarded in this bed. When she’d agreed to save Roberta, she’d imagined a hundred perils. Violence. Ravishment. Cruelty. She’d never imagined that the riskiest element of her ordeal would be the wounded soul of Castle Craven’s master.
“What are you doing here?” She fought to keep her voice steady.
“Not enough, obviously.”
With those three words, the sweet morning turned dark and threatening. This time she made a more convincing attempt to withdraw, but Merrick pushed her onto her back with insulting ease.
“Let me go,” she said through frozen lips. Her heart beat a wayward tarantella of panic and anger, largely with herself. Why hadn’t she left before he stirred?
Keeping one arm firmly around her waist, he rose and slid his free hand behind her head to restrain her for a relentless survey. “Not in this lifetime.”