“Are you all right?” Vanessa asked.
“Yeah. I’m just really tired all of a sudden.”
Vanessa examined Mel with a frown. “You’re dropping. Come here.” Vanessa pulled Mel into her. “I should have warned you about this too. Subspace can be intense. It isn’t uncommon to feel a drop after coming down from it. A drop in mood, in energy, in everything. It doesn’t always happen. But when it does, it’s my responsibility to look after you. If you start to feel your mood turn, you need to tell me immediately, okay?”
Mel nodded. The car pulled to a stop outside Mel’s apartment. Vanessa got out of the car and open Mel’s door. As Mel stepped out onto the sidewalk, Vanessa leaned over to say something to Elena through the window. Elena nodded and turned off the car.
“Come on. Let’s go.” Vanessa gestured toward the door to Mel’s building.
As soon as they entered her apartment, Mel was seized by a gnawing in her chest. Suddenly, the prospect of being left alone filled her with dread. In minutes she had gone from feeling blissful and content to feeling raw and vulnerable.
Upon seeing Mel’s face, Vanessa’s expression softened. “It’s hitting you right now, isn’t it?”
Mel nodded. She felt like her insides were spilling out.
“You’re okay.” Vanessa gathered Mel in her arms and planted a kiss on the top of her head. “You’ll feel better once you’re in bed.”
Vanessa tugged off Mel’s coat. Mel collapsed onto the bed and curled up in a ball. Was Vanessa going to leave her now? And why did that suddenly bother her so much?
Vanessa sat down on the edge of the bed and started typing into her phone. “I’m sending Elena home.”
Mel watched in surprise as Vanessa kicked off her shoes and shimmied out of her dress.
For the second time that night, Vanessa hopped in the bed beside Mel. “You didn’t think I was going to leave you like this, did you?”
Mel opened her mouth to reply, but there was a lump in her throat that she couldn’t get words past.
“Oh, Melanie. I’m not going anywhere.” Vanessa wrapped her arms around Mel’s small frame. “All of these feelings? It’s just subdrop. Okay?”
Mel nodded.
“Don’t just nod. Tell me that you understand.”
“Yes, Vanessa. I understand.” Still, Mel hated herself for turning into such a miserable, needy mess. “I’m sorry, I just…” She trailed off.
“Don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s completely normal to feel like this. You made yourself deeply vulnerable to someone else. And now that it’s all over and things are returning to normal, it’s not unusual to feel a sense of emptiness.” Vanessa kissed Mel gently on the lips. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You don’t have to be strong all the time.”
“Yes, I do,” Mel murmured. “I’ve always had to be strong. I don’t know how not to be.”
“It’s simple. All you have to do is close your eyes and let me take some of the weight off your shoulders.” Vanessa pulled Mel in closer. “In fact, I’m ordering you to do that right now.”
Mel was too tired to do anything but obey. She shut her eyes and put her head on Vanessa’s chest, losing herself in the other woman’s warmth and softness. Her eyelids began to feel heavy. “Thank you for staying with me.”
“You don’t need to thank me,” Vanessa said quietly. “I would do anything to keep you from hurting.”
Chapter Twelve
Mel woke up the next morning wrapped in a cocoon of sheets, the aroma of coffee and cinnamon hanging in the air. Despite her aching muscles, she felt invigorated. She reached her arm out next to her. The other side of the bed was empty. Suppressing her disappointment, Mel rolled over and picked up her phone up from the nightstand. There was a message from Vanessa.
Had to go. Important meeting. Call me as soon as you wake up. V.
There was a second message sent ten minutes later.
Breakfast is on the counter. Eat something.
Mel sat up groggily and looked across the room to the countertop that functioned as her kitchen. There was a large to-go cup of coffee and a paper bag bearing the logo of the bakery down the road. Vanessa brought her breakfast? Mel backtracked. Vanessa had been here, in Mel’s dingy little apartment? And she had stayed the night in Mel’s bed?
Mel flopped back down onto her stomach. She twisted her head around to inspect her aching cheeks. Faint bruises were starting to form. The events of last night came flooding back. The car ride. Lilith’s Den. The Scarlet Room. And then, Vanessa holding Mel on the bed as she broke down in Vanessa’s arms.