‘Well, I spoke to him only half an hour ago so –’
‘No, I mean, when I say news, I mean information, I suppose. Or rather, a revelation.’ I was babbling, the words coming out like snow in a blizzard.
‘What is it?’ Joss grabbed my hands and bent to my face, his eyes searching me for a way out.
‘Mum says he’s my father.’
Joss dropped my hands.
‘What?’
‘I know. I thought she was raving too. But apparently he’s spoken to her and he wants to meet up with me.’
Joss stared, blinking now and then to indicate that he hadn’t turned to stone.
‘This is too … I mean … is she sure?’
I nodded.
‘I’m half Russian, apparently. It doesn’t make much sense to me either. I don’t even like vodka. But I think mum used to drop a few clues here and there. She was always trying to interest me in Russian culture, now I come to think of it. Bought me those dolls that fit inside each other one Christmas. And a CD of The Nutcracker Suite. It’s what kick-started my interest in Eastern Europe.’
‘She’s insane.’
‘She’s not insane, shut up. She struggles with depression, that’s all. She isn’t delusional and she knows what’s happened in her own life.’
‘Yeah, I know, I mean – she should have told you.’
I gave him a level look. ‘A lot of parents don’t tell you things that they should,’ I said. ‘Yours, for instance, ought to have mentioned that they loved you somewhere along the line.’
He sighed.
‘Yeah. Not the same, is it, though?’
He looked so sad that I couldn’t help thinking that I had the better end of that deal. An absent father was still better than two distant parents.
‘So, what are we going to do?’ he said, the mist clearing from his eyes. ‘You can’t possibly take part in a scene with your own father.’
‘No, quite,’ I shuddered. ‘I’ll have to tell him. Really, thank Christ mum brought the subject up tonight, or …’ Another shudder.
‘It’s like a melodrama,’ said Joss. ‘It doesn’t seem real.’
‘Can we go up there now?’
‘He said ten o’clock. I think he wanted to give us time to get ready. We’re going to have to dress the part, at least. Oh, God,’ Joss wailed and put his head in his hands. ‘What if he kills me for dominating his daughter? Oh, God.’
I pulled him into a tight embrace.
‘Stop stressing. You didn’t know, I didn’t know, he didn’t know. None of us can blame each other.’
‘Are you sure? Because when Voronov blames somebody, that somebody often finds their life in ruins. If they still have one.’
‘All we can do is be brave and tell the truth. If he blames you for anything, any hopes he might have of a father-daughter relationship are finished.’
‘Really?’
‘I don’t care if he’s my father, my grandfather or my alien cousin from Mars. I’d choose you over him, every single time. Because I love you, and I don’t know him.’
Joss drew a deep breath.