Hey, dumbass. Why so quiet? Coming for the Fourth? BBQ?
“Everything okay?” Danny said just for me.
“My brother is asking about the Fourth.”
“You can go with your family if you want.”
The thing was, I didn’t want to. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to feel more like this new me than I was comfortable with around my brothers. “Nah, it’s fine.” I shoved my phone back into my pocket.
“Brad just texted,” Will said from across the living room. “He said to tell you to text him back; that you haven’t been, and that we should all go to Mom’s for the Fourth. Jameson and I are going.”
I knew without looking that Danny was frowning beside me, that he would wonder why I wasn’t texting Brad back. First, he’d seen it, and now Will mentioned it. He already knew things on Dad’s birthday had been strange. But putting how I felt into words was hard. I didn’t know how to be around Brad and Nolan anymore, and they didn’t know how to be around me. “I’ll message him,” I finally replied, “but I already have plans on the Fourth.”
“What are you doing?”
“Going to Danny’s mom’s place.” I shoveled fried rice into my mouth so I didn’t have to say more.
“Oh,” Will replied, his eyes snagging on me.
“That’s cool,” Jameson added.
“Mom said you and Shaw should come too,” Danny told Elijah. “You’re all welcome.”
“We’re going to Mom and Dad’s. Thanks, though,” Elijah replied.
“Still, you should text him,” Will insisted. “He said you haven’t been.”
“What, are you close with Brad and Nolan now? Are the three of you ganging up on me?” The words slipped past my lips with a sharp edge I hadn’t meant to set free.
“Hey, fuck off. No one is ganging up on you. That would be what the three of you did to me most of my life.”
“Baby, just let them deal with it.” Jameson tangled his fingers with Will’s, clearly trying to defuse the situation.
Fire lit up at the base of my neck, traveling down my spine. Part of me wanted to lash out at Will because yes, I’d been a dick and I hated it, but I’d been lying to myself. I’d been in denial and hated who I was. We’d been through all that, and I knew none of it was an excuse. None of it mattered because I’d been wrong. I’d hurt him, and I could never change that. “Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.” Brad and Nolan put me on edge, and I didn’t know how to work through that. I couldn’t imagine feeling as open to joke around the way I had earlier if they were around.
“It’s fine. Whatever.”
The mood was heavier after that, and I felt like shit because it was my fault. When I finished eating, Danny said, “I’ll take your plate to the kitchen for you, handsome.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I know.” He gave me a sad smile, so I handed it over.
I could tell everyone was trying to pretend nothing had gone down, but we were all uncomfortable. I forced myself to send a quick text to Brad, telling him I’d call Mom but that I couldn’t make it. I had plans.
The whole time I tried not to feel guilty. It wasn’t me who’d made things weird between us. It was them. I was sure of it.
We hung out a little while longer before Danny said, “We should probably head out, Jonathan. We have a game tomorrow.”
It was an afternoon competition, and it wasn’t late, so technically, we didn’t have to go anywhere. Danny was doing it for me. I wasn’t sure there had ever been anyone in my life who had ever looked out for me, who thought about me as much as he did.
I nodded, stood, then…reached over and laced our fingers together. I told myself I was doing it to show him I appreciated his support, to prove that my avoidance of my brothers had nothing to do with insecurities in who I was. I was…us with Danny, whatever that meant, and I was proud of it. I didn’t want to be around Brad and Nolan because of their issues, not mine.
He gave my hand a sympathetic squeeze. We said our goodbyes, mine and Will’s with less of our newfound closeness. Danny kissed Elijah’s cheek, and then we were on our way. It wasn’t until we reached the sidewalk, making our way home, that I said, “I’m sorry. I know I was a dick.”
“You don’t owe me an apology.”
“It’s just…he doesn’t get it—what it’s like with Brad and Nolan. They always had one view of who Will was, and I’m not saying they were fair to him; they weren’t. None of us were, but now they’re always trying to dissect me. Like they’re wondering when I changed, or who I am, or looking at me differently. I don’t know. That makes no fucking sense. I can’t put it into words.” When Danny was quiet for a moment, I looked over at him. “What?”