Those were only things that I worried about. The dark cloud that lined every amazing thing I did with Mitch. All I fucking wanted was to be able to forget about it.
“Ooh my little pretty one, my pretty one… when you gonna give me some tiiiime, Sharona?”
I looked back over at Mitch, quirking my head to one side.
“Ooh, you make my motor run, my motor run… got it coming off the line, Sharona,” Mitch continued singing, barely in key, but giving it his all.
“What in the world…” I started to ask. I couldn’t keep a smile from my face. I knew what he was doing, though. When we were young kids—probably only eight years old—my parents used to put on My Sharona and Mitch and I would dance like idiots to it. The song had been such a mainstay that when my mom died, when I was in high school, she’d specifically requested that My Sharona be played at her funeral reception. She wanted us to remember the good times, no matter how sad it was.
I still remembered how Mitch had found me in that room, forcing me to do a little dance with him while the song played, even as tears were streaming down both of our faces. We’d hugged for a solid minute afterward.
Mitch always knew what to do in those kinds of situations.
Kind of like right now.
In another minute Mitch had slowly sat up, and then stood up on the bed, singing My Sharona complete with air guitar, his arm swinging wildly. He couldn’t stand without his head touching the ceiling, so he was hunched over slightly, in what was the silliest thing I’d seen in months, at least.
“M-m-m-my Sharona,” he said, pointing at me from where he stood over me in bed. He plopped down next to me, grinning from ear to ear.
“Bravo, dude, fucking bravo,” I said, clapping for him. “I have zero idea why you just did that, but…”
“Because you were in your head, and I could fucking tell,” he said, tackling me until he was on top of me again, pressing a kiss to the side of my jaw. “And I knew a little Sharoooona would get you out of it.”
I pushed him back so that he was lying flat on his back again, and I burrowed into the crook of his neck. I inhaled his scent, which still intoxicated me more than I could explain, and I let myself feel at home.
It was all I could do in the moment. Mitch did feel like home, as much as I knew he shouldn’t.
He felt like home, even if now, secretly, my eyes were tearing up as I pressed small kisses to the soft skin where his neck met his shoulder.
Mitch was absolutely everything I wanted, and yet all of this was shredding my heart into bits, slowly and methodically. Getting a taste of how good things could be with Mitch physically hadn’t gotten anything “out of my system” at all. Actually, it was far worse. I felt like I’d revealed a new, deeper level of love for him that I’d buried deep inside me.
His hooks were only further into me now.
I fell asleep against his body, with his arm wrapped around my shoulder, knowing that I was never going to be able to feel this again. I couldn’t let myself. I’d failed tonight, but I couldn’t let myself fail again.
Because the longer I spent under his spell, the more certain I was I wouldn’t make it out the other side.
14
Mitch
I had been gone in Chicago when Ev needed me the most.
But now I was here. And being with him felt better than anything had before. This time, I wasn’t going to screw it all up.
“No, no, don’t do it!” people yelled at the big, projected screen that was set up at the back of Red’s.
“Dorothy, watch yourself!” someone else shouted, and the crowd laughed. Everyone watched as Dorothy ventured into the poppy field.
I’d been skeptical when Red had told me the bar was hosting a Wizard of Oz viewing party tonight, but I immediately saw that as always, Red knew what the hell he was doing with his bar.
The place was packed to the brim with people. A few times I’d gone to sports bars in Chicago to watch the Superbowl, and even that wasn’t as big of a deal as movie nights at Red’s, apparently. Red had set up popcorn machines at either side of the room which were totally free, and all drinks were a dollar off all night. People were encouraged to dress up according to what movie was being shown on the viewing nights, so tonight, there were plenty of Dorothy, Lion, Tin Man, Scarecrow, and witch costumes.
It was a lot more fun than I’d expected, and of course, all I could think was that I wished Evan were here, too. I’d woken up with him beside me in bed, and I’d wanted to stay with him all day. He’d told me he had a bunch of homework to grade and left pretty early in the day, but I couldn’t stop thinking about last night.