I lifted an eyebrow. “Mitch, I… I had no idea,” I said.
He shook his head. “I mean it. It was strangely… not as hurtful as I would have expected. I almost just felt happy for her, happy that she was doing something that made her feel good.”
“Wow,” I said.
He shrugged one shoulder. “Since then, it’s been hard, of course. Really hard, especially with Zach. But I mean it when I say I want simple things.”
“Me too,” I said. I reached out and trailed my fingers along the center cleft of Mitch’s chest between his pecs. “A family. A happy life. My desires basically can be summed up by a country song,” I joked.
Mitch puffed out a laugh.
“Just… a very gay country song, if those exist,” I continued. “A nice plot of land, some animals, someday kids, and… a husband. Maybe even one of those riding lawn mowers.”
“Oh man, the riding lawn mower is the real dream,” Mitch said.
“I’m glad you get it.”
We were both smiling now, and I was struck by how at home I felt here with him.
“I want the exact same thing,” Mitch said. I felt his body rise and fall as he took a long, slow breath. “I want my son to grow up well. I wouldn’t be opposed to having more kids one day.”
“But you think marriage isn’t for you anymore?”
“I actually want to be married again, believe it or not,” he said. “Not that I’m anywhere near ready, but… I like the idea of being with someone for the rest of my life, even if Jess wasn’t that person.”
“Of course you’re not ready. You’re not even ready to date.”
“Not by a mile,” he agreed.
“I’m so glad you’re back,” I whispered, squeezing him a little closer. The words held more power than I expected them to, and in another moment, I was full of every emotion under the damn sun again. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever really understand how much I’d missed Mitch while he was gone.
“Hey,” he said reaching past me and pointing to the little alarm clock on the bedside table. “Guess what?”
“What?”
“It’s past midnight. And that means it’s Valentine’s Day.”
I couldn’t hold back a long groan. “Great. Cool. Whatever.”
“Nuh-uh,” he said, nuzzling against my head. “Don’t be all sarcastic. Since neither of us have real valentines, let’s be each other’s.”
I didn’t like the way those words made my chest clench up. Part of me was jumping around like a kid in a candy store, so happy at the stupid idea of being any sort of valentine for Mitch. The other half of me was just sad, though. I wanted a real valentine, no matter how much I acted like I hated the holiday.
“It’s just a corporate holiday so people can sell chocolates,” I said. “I don’t like it.”
“Why not, valentine?” Mitch said, a big, goofy grin on his face as he kissed my cheek. He moved to kiss my lips again, and it was like I’d forgotten just how much power he had over me when his tongue slid against mine.
I moaned as he broke off. “Fine. You can be my valentine, but only because you swallowed my cum earlier.”
I felt as Mitch’s cock throbbed a little against my leg. God damn, the man really was as horny as I was. I shouldn’t have loved that as much as I did.
“That was so hot,” he said. “I had no idea if I’d like it.”
“Turns out you’re a natural cum-guzzler?”
He snorted a laugh. “I don’t know if I’d go that far just yet. Maybe I only like yours.”
“Maybe,” I said as he kissed the side of my head again and lay back down.
He let out a contented sigh. “God, I love you, Evan,” he said simply.
My stomach did a backflip, like I’d suddenly been launched off a roller coaster I didn’t know I was on. I turned onto my back, looking up at the wood beams on the ceiling.
“Don’t say that,” I said.
“What? Why not?”
Because you don’t mean it the way I want you to mean it.
I sighed. “Let’s just enjoy this, okay?”
Mitch propped himself up on his elbow, looking down at me. His face was so close, his hair all messed up and still drying from the shower. I couldn’t ignore every little thing I loved so damn much about him.
“I enjoy all of my time with you… you know that, right?” he asked. “I love the way we are. Fuck labels. Fuck rules.”
I nodded, idly fiddling with a tiny hole in one of the bedsheets.
Of course Mitch enjoyed his time with me. It was all easy for him, after all. He didn’t constantly have to think about wishing it was all more than it really was, or wondering if his best friend was suddenly going to leave forever, or worry that he’d never feel the same way as I did.