Carter turned quiet. “Fine. Are you going to tell the family soon? How long do I have to keep up the charade?”
I didn’t want to tell my family Muse was gone. They might respect my privacy and not ask a lot of questions, but Vanessa would be pissed. “I’m not sure. Not long. Vanessa will figure it out soon enough.”
“Alright. Let me know when she does.”
“Okay.”
“So, is Sapphire happy? How is she?”
I was surprised Carter asked about her. He didn’t spend much time with her when I was seeing her, but he obviously had a fondness for her. “She bought a pretty nice place, for three million dollars. It’s in a safe area. She likes working for Andrew. She’s obviously upset about us…but she’s doing really well.”
“Good for her. She stands on her own two feet…I admire that.”
I did too.
“I think you should think about it a little harder, Con. If you wait too long…that’s it.”
I’d said my goodbyes. It was time to move on. “Let it go, Carter.”
“Fine…I’m officially letting it go.”
I felt like a disgusting perv.
I opened my laptop in bed and found her pictures everywhere. Andrew was using her for a lot of publicity, taking pride in the fact that he had the most beautiful woman in the world working for him.
And Barsetti Lingerie lost her.
His pieces were mediocre, but Muse picked up the slack. She made everything look gorgeous, her long figure so curvy and beautiful. The bras pushed her tits together, and she lay on the bed, like she was waiting for me to move between her legs.
I looked at everything, feeling my dick get so hard it actually hurt.
I hadn’t jerked off in a long time, but I was desperate. If I picked up a woman, I would just picture myself with Muse anyway. So I squirted the lotion into my hand and started to jerk myself while staring at her picture.
It was nothing compared to the real thing.
But it was the best I could do.
6
Sapphire
The next two weeks were excruciating.
It was like having all of my ribs broken after a horse kicked me.
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat.
Conway left—and it was really over.
He didn’t want forever—or anything close to it. He didn’t want to love me. He just wanted our passionate relationship to run its course until he got bored. Then he would replace me with someone else. Marriage and kids were completely taken off the table.
He couldn’t stand just the possibility.
I supposed this was entirely my fault.
I was stupid for falling in love with him. I should have listened to his warning. Even though I still suspected he loved me, that didn’t mean anything. His feelings were irrelevant because he wouldn’t act on them.
He was probably fucking someone else by now.
Lots of women.
And I was putting my heart back together.
This depression helped me drop the extra five pounds Andrew wanted me to lose. Not eating really fixed the problem. I still worked out every day, so that made the fat fly off my waistline and disappear from my thighs.
I was getting used to New York, but in my heart, I knew it wasn’t home.
Italy was home now.
Conway was my home.
But I had to move forward and start over. I had to be positive and focus on all the things I did have. I was wealthy, had a great job, and there wasn’t a psychopath trying to hunt me down anymore. Conway gave me my freedom, so letting him break my heart wasn’t completely in vain.
I would move on, and hopefully, I would find another guy to sweep me off my feet.
But it was hard to imagine being with another guy…sleeping with another guy.
Conway was the only guy I’d ever been with.
I would hate all the women who came after me, especially since they didn’t care about him for the man he was. They just saw his Ferrari, his wallet, and the big-ass house he slept in every night. They knew nothing about his character, his love for his family, or his generosity.
I was the only woman who truly knew him.
After being at the studio all day, I went home and changed into my workout clothes before I went to the gym. Sometimes people recognized me, judging by the way they stared at me, but thankfully, no one ever asked me for an autograph.
I usually did an hour on the treadmill before I moved to the weights. Andrew assigned me a workout routine, and that made me miss Conway—for other reasons. Conway never asked me to work out. He didn’t tell me what to eat either. Whether I was fifteen pounds heavier or not, he wanted me the same.
But Andrew didn’t want me for his personal use. He just wanted me to be as thin as possible for the camera.
I missed food. And I missed sitting on my ass all day. I never considered working with the horses to be work because I enjoyed it so much. But going to the gym religiously felt like a chore. There was loud music, bright lights, and lots of people around.