“I thought you probably would. I’ll get my car tomorrow so I can take it back to Royal when I go.”
When he didn’t say anything else, she finally glanced over her shoulder to see if he stood watching her. She was alone. He had gone, and she wondered if they would ever again be relaxed and compatible the way they had been these past weeks.
Long after dark she went inside and began to gather scrapbooks and small things she wanted to take to Royal. There was nothing to hold her here at the ranch.
She propped up the pillows in her bed and sat against them on top of the covers to look through the old scrapbooks. But they made her sad, so she finally scooted down in bed to go to sleep.
* * *
Tom lay awake in the dark. As long as he and Emily were together, there would be reminders of their tragic past, some little moments and some big ones, like the Nashes’ visit. Their visit would tear Emily up. It would probably tear him up just as much. He wanted them to come by, but it was going to hurt and be difficult to deal with. It also brought all the memories swarming back, the pain, the fear, the terrible wreck and panic that had consumed him. His inadequacy, his failure to protect the two he loved most—that’s what always tore him up.
He couldn’t ever forget carrying his son’s little body, holding Ryan, which was like holding ice, against his heart, praying for him, unaware of his own injuries until much later. And then the decision to donate Ryan’s organs to save another child—to save other parents from going through what they’d suffered.
Tom wiped his eyes. As long as he and Emily were together, they would always have moments when the memories and pain would return full force.
The loss was devastating and it didn’t get easier. They had moved on, but the hurt of missing little Ryan...that never changed. Tom knew that if he lived to be one hundred, he would still shed tears over his baby.
The Nashes’ upcoming visit complicated the healing process for him. In a way, it was a stark reminder that he had failed Emily when he failed to save Ryan. He had loved her with his whole heart and still loved her in so many ways, but he just didn’t know how to make it up to her. Tom was certain Emily would be better off without him in her life.
If they both started with new friends, new homes, new everything—new loves in their lives, even—maybe each day wouldn’t be filled with pain and loss and sorrow.
Tuesday would be tough. He dreaded the day, but if he had taken the Nashes’ call, he would have done the same thing Emily had and agreed to meet with them. Even though he knew it would be more heartache, he wanted to see the little girl who had Ryan’s heart beating in her chest and giving her life.
Just the thought caused a knot in his throat. After Ryan, he had never been able to handle death and dying as well. Maybe it added to his heartache to have Jeremy’s death so soon after losing Ryan.
Sleep wasn’t going to come easily, probably not at all, but it wouldn’t be his first sleepless night. Tom put his hands behind his head and looked out the open window at the stars. The divorce hung over them, and he wanted to go ahead and get it over and done with.
This living together in the same house again was gearing up to cause another big hurt for both of them. He ought to get out and let her go on with her life.
All the basic things were lined up to get done on Emily’s old house. Nathan would send someone around to check on her, just like they were doing for Natalie. He and Emily needed to go ahead with their divorce.
Divorce was going to hurt because Emily was part of his life and it was like cutting into himself, but it would be best for both of them, definitely better for her.
Would seeing Polly Nash tear them both up? Ryan’s heart still beat—that was the most amazing thing. Little Polly Nash could live because she had Ryan’s heart. They would meet her Tuesday afternoon—and for just a little while part of Ryan would once again be with them, at the only home Ryan had known. Tom stared through the window. It would be another day he would remember as long as he lived. So would Emily.
* * *
On Tuesday morning, Tom showered and got dressed in a navy Western-style shirt, jeans and his best black boots. When he was finished, he combed his hair and left the guesthouse.
At noon, he walked over to the mansion and rang the bell. When Emily didn’t come to the door, he stepped inside.
“Emily?” he called. He heard her heels as she approached in the hall. Then she entered the room and he couldn’t get his breath as he looked at her. Her wavy honey-brown hair fell loosely around her face. She wore little makeup, but had a natural beauty he loved. She wore a sheer pale blue top over a pale blue silk cami and white slacks with high-heeled blue sandals.
“You take my breath away, you look so beautiful.”
“Thank you,” she said quietly. “I think that should be my line, only substitute ‘handsome’ for ‘beautiful.’ You’re the one who is dazzling.”
“I’m not sure you have ever realized how beautiful I think you are.”
“It’s nice to hear you say that to me. I won’t forget.” She smiled, but there was a sad look in her eyes.
“I want to do this, and at the same time, I know it’s going to hurt like hell.”
“I know,” she whispered. “
You might as well come in and sit. You’re a little early, and they may have trouble finding the ranch.”
They walked into the formal living room and she sat in a dark blue wing chair while he went to the window to look out at the drive.