I visit Shelly.
She apologizes, saying she was fucked up on H and lonely.
I cry on her shoulder. Fucking cry on her shoulder.
I tell her everything.
She cries, too.
Shelly says something about how she’ll make it better, but I know it’s not true.
I crawl back home in the morning to find Headmaster Charles on my doorstep. Fuck. It’s a school day, and I’m missing again.
“Am I fired?” I hiccup.
“Do you want to be?” He raises one eyebrow.
“Might as well.” I shrug.
Christian goes to school, but I don’t.
I stay in his room. It feels too weird to go out there and face his mom and aunt. The house is huge, but that’s not necessarily a reassuring thing.
I spend the day surfing on Ryan’s Facebook page, watching the condolence messages pouring in and crying.
Pierce is calling every half an hour.
I don’t answer.
I don’t eat.
I barely breathe.
I look at the screen, begging for Dad to call and tell me that he is home. He doesn’t.
I try her house.
I try school.
I try everyone in her neighborhood.
I know she’s at Christian’s. She must be.
So, I send her a few more texts before I flush my life down the toilet.
I need to see you. I’m so sorry, sweetheart.
I’m not giving you up. You do know that, right?
I will wait as long as I’ll have to.
Actually, that’s not true. I’m coming for you, whether you like it or not. Because you need me. Because I need you. Because this is how we both heal.
Christian comes back home with Benton Herring. The latter looks sheepish and polite. They’re holding hands. Maybe Christian’s mom left, and that’s why he is feeling so brave.
“I’m sorry,” Benton says. I’m not sure if he means for how he treated me, how he treated Christian, or sorry about my brother. Maybe all of it. He doesn’t even sound like himself.
I nod. “Me too.”