“Are you seriously mad at me?” he asks, looking over at me as we walk along the shoreline.
I sigh, running my hand through my hair. “No, I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at him. I was really excited about that job, and he ruined it by being a perv.” I turn toward him, my hands reaching up to cup his face. “But you can’t just go around punching people in the face every time they piss you off.”
“Why not?”
“Because you could get hurt. Or arrested.”
“If you think I’m ever going to stand by and watch someone hurt my—you—you don’t know me at all.”
I frown, and he swipes his thumb over my bottom lip.
“What’s that for?”
“You called me your girl.” He said it earlier, but I was too preoccupied to react. Conflicted doesn’t even begin to cover how I feel.
“Is there a problem with that?” His voice is hard, but it’s laced with vulnerability.
“Jess—” I start, but then he’s lifting me by the backs of my thighs. My ankles lock around his waist, my arms shooting up to hold onto his shoulders as he walks us over to a giant rock that sits halfway in the water. He sets me down on the smooth surface, his hands gripping the outsides of my thighs.
“You want this. I can fucking feel it. Why are you so goddamn scared?”
I huff out a sad laugh. “You don’t even tell me where you go when you disappear. You have this whole other life I know nothing about.”
“I don’t want to talk about that life when I’m with you. I don’t want that shit touching you.”
“It’s not enough,” I say, hating myself for saying the words.
“I’m trying to be good for you,” he says, his palms sliding up my outer thighs, underneath my dress. “I’m trying to get out. I just need time.”
Get out. Get out of what?
My heart goes haywire in my chest.
“I promise you that when I leave here, I’m not with anyone else. It’s nothing like that. You just have to trust me.”
Jess leans in, kissing the corner of my mouth, and I close my eyes, parting my lips in invitation. “Be with me, Allie,” he whispers into my mouth before slipping his tongue inside.
It was supposed to be fun. But I’m in too deep to turn back now.
* * *
THE NEXT FEW WEEKS PASS, and even though everything has changed, nothing has changed. Lo walked in on us sleeping together the following morning and didn’t seem the least bit surprised about it. She told us both to be careful before throwing a box of condoms at us, and that was that.
Jess is still cagey as hell. On edge. He comes and goes like a ghost in the night, and I can tell this double life is starting to wear on him. It’s wearing on me, too. I can’t focus in class. My mind goes crazy with possible scenarios. I’ve imagined everything from him selling drugs to having a secret love child.
My mom’s been calling a lot, with the anniversary of my dad right around the corner. She’s still after me to get those divorce documents. When I finally asked her why it was so important, she dropped the bomb on me. She was getting married to the new guy—whose name I don’t even remember—and she’s on a bit of a time crunch. Because she’s pregnant.
I had to laugh. If I didn’t, I’d cry.
My phone rings as I’m walking across the courtyard at Kerrigan, coffee in hand. I dig it from my back pocket to see Grandma flashing across the screen. I stop short, knowing why she’s calling.
“Hello?”
“Hey, sweetie. I just wanted to let you know the Carsons are out of the house.”
“That’s great,” I say, with enthusiasm I don’t feel.
“The cleaning company won’t be there for a few days, but if you need a place to stay before that, it’s yours.”